15 May
My Son’s Friend is Such a Jerk

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My 5 year-old son has a best friend named Jason whom he loves terribly. Here’s the problem: I hate Jason. Terribly. He’s rude, he’s inconsiderate and he teaches my son bad habits like burping and touching his private parts. I’ve run out of ways to say no to having Jason over for a playdate. So, what else can I do?

Signed,

Me no likey Jason

____________________

Dear Me no likey,

Obviously, you need to take immediate action.   The next time you are at Jason’s house, steal all of his precious Legos, send him a random note with a picture of his beloved toys warning that if he doesn’t get his act together ASAP, he’ll never see those dumb plastic Legos again.

Oh, wait? Did you say he’s 5? Scratch all that. Blackmailing a Kindergartener will likely be frowned upon in your mommy circle.

This is a difficult problem because there is always going to be a kid like Jason around. Yes, you could pack it all up and move to Minneapolis and rid yourself of this Jason. But I absolutely guarantee you that one day very soon you’ll be at the Mall of America and suddenly your son will strike up a conversation with a boy named Luke who will completely corrupt him by teaching him farting techniques and how to make a teacher cry in five seconds or less.

So you might as well avoid all the stress of moving and all that packing tape by just staying put and dealing with Jason. The more you protest their friendship, the closer they will become. So invite Jason over for a playdate but let him know that when he’s at your house, there are certain rules he must follow. Because you’re the Queen of the Castle, damn it. I mean, obviously. You’re the one holding the glass of Chardonnay, aren’t you?!

Also, explain privately to your son that some of Jason’s behaviors, like his rudeness and inappropriate touching of his privates in public, are simply unacceptable. And if your son would like to continue to live the life he is accustomed to, including his favorite TV shows, Wii and Karate, he will not jump on the Jason bandwagon.

Love,

Kelcey, TMH

11 Responses to “My Son’s Friend is Such a Jerk”

05.15.09#1

Comment by Mother-in-law-chronicles.

I’ve found that friendships like these tend to run their course in due time. My oldest daughter had a best friend whom I couldn’t stand. After a few difficult after-school playdates, where my daughter spent the whole time getting bossed around by the friend and having the friend tell us she was bored, my daughter stopped asking to play with the girl. Problem solved.

05.15.09#2

Comment by dizzblnd.

Don’t stress it. He is just in training to become class clown!

05.15.09#3

Comment by Amanda.

Now that answer was a thing of beauty and a joy forever to behold. Just sayin’.

05.15.09#4

Comment by jen.

oh great … now a whole bunch of people are going to move to minneapolis … and the parking at the mall of america is going to get worse. crap.

and i agree with the advice … it’s important to tell your kid what is right and wrong … and not be afraid to correct “jason” when he’s at your house. someone has to set a good example.

05.15.09#5

Comment by Keyona.

I recently wrote about a similar situation. This older girl that my husband watches after school had show my daughter behavior I didn’t like. Thanks to my blog friends I took their advice and taught her the rules at my house and she got it and now even behaves a bit better at her own home.

05.15.09#6

Comment by Bobbi.

Tell the little boy that if he touches his privates while he’s in your house, you’ll cut it off. He’ll tell his mom and she won’t let him play with your boy anymore.

Problem solved. You’re welcome!

05.16.09#7

Comment by Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?).

Start flirting with (or actually having sex with) JASON’s father. His mother will soon be selling the house and moving far away. Jason won’t be over again till he can drive and has his own car.

05.17.09#8

Comment by Rick's Cafe.

Shhh…this is a secret so don’t tell anyone – Jason is playing a game. The name of the game is “Lets find ways to make mommy turn colors and make funny faces”.

When the boys get a little older and go to school (college), this will be how you know which of the little girls he really likes, cause he’ll be playing the same game with her.

Remember, mummm’s the word. I’ll lose my man-card if anyone finds out I told you.

05.17.09#9

Comment by robin.

By all means try the suggestions above me. But sometimes you have to admit that certain relationships are toxic and put an end to them. Be honest with your son and tell him you don’t like his friend and why.

05.17.09#10

Comment by K.

I hate dealing with annoying friends.

Excellent advice.

05.17.09#11

Comment by zelzee.

It’s times like this, I’m glad I’m a Grandma………

We don’t have to deal with things like this.

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