21 Jun
My 5 Year Old Wants to Same Sex Marry Her Friend!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Our daughter is a bright, outgoing 5-year-old who attends preschool at our church. She has a best friend named Sarah. For six months or so, our daughter has been telling us that she’s going to marry Sarah. We’ve just gone with it, telling her that she can marry whoever she wants when she’s grown up. She has concocted all kinds of plans for the two of them, from going on a date to get ice cream to getting married and kissing.

My husband and I want our daughter to be herself and have no desire to change or judge her. But I am wondering how much to make of her feelings toward Sarah. Part of me thinks that she sees relationships as a series of stages, and if she’s friends with Sarah and she loves her, then of course they’ll get married. The other part of me wonders if she will always love girls/women, which is fine; I just want to be encouraging and to protect her.

What do you think? Can you predict a child’s sexual orientation based on their first serious crush? And is there anything I should be doing that I’m not?

Thanks!
Cool but Confused

____________________________________

Dear Cool but Confused,

Your question made me think about my own youth, which I spent behind the equally Cool but Confused Iron Curtain.  When I was a kid in Leningrad, I had the following crushes and wanted to marry most if not all of them: Natasha, Lenny, Natasha again, Lenny, but only when he shared gum with me, Tania, Boris and then some other kid whose name I can’t even remember.

I was practically the Liz Taylor of the Soviet Bloc.

It seems to me that your understanding of what’s going on with your daughter is exactly right. She loves her friend and she wants to be around her. In her world, that means marriage.  I would see it more as a testament to the relationship her father and you have modeled than a signal that you should start looking for an attorney to draft a prenup.  Although it’s never a bad idea to keep an eye on who brings which Barbie into the relationship.

If your 5 year old is like many other girls, her relationship with Sarah will go through many phases and issues such as whether Sarah (or your daughter) can  have more than one best friend, and what if Sarah (or your daughter) likes the secondary best friend more than the original best friend, which is exactly what we were afraid of when the whole issue of a second best friend came up with.

What is unlikely is that your daughter and Sarah will have it out with each other someone’s inability to load the dishwasher correctly or keeping the other one waiting by spending approximately a millennium in the bathroom getting ready.  And, really, isn’t that what marriage is all about?

Best wishes,

Marinka, TMH

8 Responses to “My 5 Year Old Wants to Same Sex Marry Her Friend!”

06.21.12#1

Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

I have no valid advice in this case, but just want to say that I really like this woman. Seems like a good mom – open-minded and open-hearted.

06.21.12#2

Comment by Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes.

1. You are doing great!
2. When she was 5 my niece announced to the world that she was a lesbian because she had kissed a girl and liked it (this was before Kate Perry). She is now very much into boys as only a 14 year old teenage girl can be. My nephew on the other hand liked to play with barbie dolls and preferred to wear his mother high heels. He is now happily married to a very nice man and they are the proud parents of two cats and one dog. So I’d say it can go either way.

06.21.12#3

Comment by Wendi.

Your daughter is lucky to have such a loving, open-minded mother.

Great advice, Comrade Marinka.

06.21.12#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

Perfect! And I’m still friends with my first love, Suzanne.

06.21.12#5

Comment by hokgardner.

When my oldest was five, she announced to my very startled, evangelical, bible-thumping, Christian mother-in-law that she wanted to marry her best girl friends Isabel and Matilda and her best boy friend Luke. My m-i-l gave me a horrified look, and I just shrugged. My daughter said, “I want to marry my favorite people, and they are the people I like best. So that’s why I’m going to marry them.”

Out of the mouths of babes.

My m-i-l clutched her pearls and went home to pray.

06.27.12#6

Comment by red pen mama.

I have a nephew who was pretty convinced he was just going to marry his older brother. (He’s grown out of that.) Kids think marriage has more to do with spending time with the people you like best, and, yes, reading anymore to it than that at this age is futile. Stay open and loving, and I’m sure whomever your daughter marries will have a great MIL.

09.03.12#7

Comment by Ginger.

My 5 year old nephew asked my husband to marry him. It is so sweet that he thinks this highly of him. He is his only uncle as both my brothers have passed away, so I get a thrill out of being the aunt to give him the gift of an uncle!! He loves uncle David. He really doesnt want to marry him, he wants to spend time with him & have relationship with him. Male connection is good for youngsters, it helps develop their self concept.

01.22.13#8

Comment by Hey Little Boys, Stop Playing House! | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] the way, you know what is a sign of homosexual behavior? When a little boy grows up to be a teenager and says to him mom and dad, “I’m […]

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