09 Sep
Musical Beds

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’ve been separated from my wife for 10 months and my just turned three-year-old son will not sleep in his bed when he’s with me. Is it the bed or does he just miss his dad? Or something else?

Signed,

Perplexed Parent

_________________________________________

Dear Perplexed,

Well, this morning I tried to understand why my two kids were drawing all over my car windows while I was taking the groceries out of the trunk. Let’s just say I still haven’t gotten a decent explanation out of them yet.   Sometimes kids are an enigma.

I’m assuming that your son is crawling into bed with you and if I had to guess, I’d say he misses you. Separation and divorce is brutal on everyone involved, including children. Your son may be getting less time with you and wants to be close to you at night. Or maybe he’s in a new bedroom and doesn’t feel comfortable yet. Or maybe he’s just acting like a 3-year-old.

Whatever the reason, you need to decide if the behavior is bothering you. There are many advocates of family beds who think co-sleeping is a wonderful, bonding experience. I personally don’t like sleeping with my child’s elbow mashed in my ear and her hot breath on my face, so it’s not for me.

If you’d like to transition your son out of your bed, I would suggest that you throw down a mattress or a sleeping bag next to his bed. Every time he wants to come into your bed, just guide him back to his own bed and plop down in the sleeping bag until he falls back to sleep. This will give him some security and get him out of the habit of crawling into bed with you.

If that doesn’t work, buy him one of those beds in the shape of Thomas the Train. You can’t put a price tag a good night’s rest.

But just remember, there is no right answer. You both have been through a lot and you should do what feels comfortable right now. I’d write more, but I’m off to find out how long it takes to scrub crayon off my new car.

Good luck.

Love,

Kelcey, TMH

3 Responses to “Musical Beds”

09.09.09#1

Comment by LISA5OF5.

Maybe you could give him a blanket from your bed or a t-shirt that smells like you to sleep with. You might even want to sprinkle whatever aftershave or cologne you wear on it.

Also, a bedtime ritual might be helpful, ie: PJ’s, brush teeth, storytime, drink, kisses, lights out. Do it in the same order every night he’s with you. When kids know what to expect they feel much more comfortable.

09.09.09#2

Comment by Heather.

My youngest son crawled in bed with us at least once a night until after the age of 5. And we’re not divorced.

Kids are weird sometimes.

09.28.11#3

Comment by My Christmas Photo is Stressing Me Out | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] husband and I have been separated for a year and a half now. We do not have a formal agreement in place but are living apart. Last […]

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