30 Sep
Mouthing Off: The “Is My Son Gay?” App

Ever wonder if your son is gay?

Well, instead of doing something ridiculous like talking to him, why not use a Google Android App, instead?   It’s under $3 and just   jam-packed full of stereotypes.   And we know what an absolute time-saver stereotypes can be.

And since we’re guessing that the app will appeal mostly to the morons among us, it’s also super easy to use. Just answer 20 Yes/No questions and you’ll have your answer at the touch of a button!

Here are some of the questions about your son, and no, we are not making them up:

Does he like to dress well: is he very careful when choosing his outfits and selecting brands?

Before he was born, did you wish for a girl?

Does he read the sports page in the newspaper?

Is he a fan of divas (Madonna, Britney Spears)?

Does he like musical comedies?

Does he take a long time to do his hair?

If the app concludes that he is not gay,   it congratulates the lucky parent:   “You do not have to worry, your son is not gay. So there are chances for you to be grandmother with all the joys it brings.”

Seriously, what the hell? Is there some kind of correlation between sexuality and being a parent that we are not aware of?

But if your son has been singing along to Madonna, you better steel yourself: “No need to look the other way! … He is gay! … ACCEPT IT!”

We’re hoping that Google will soon market a companion “Are Your Parents Idiots?” App.

In just twenty questions, it will let the concerned teen know what the hell is wrong with his parents. Perhaps with your help, we can develop it.
What questions would the app ask?


14 Responses to “Mouthing Off: The “Is My Son Gay?” App”


Comment by Cate8.

Are your parents idiots? App questions:
1. Do they notice when you drain their vodka and refill it with water?
2. Do they call a family meeeting everytime you forget to do your chores?
3. Do they buy you a dime bag for your birthday?
4. Is your boyfriend/girlfriend allowed to sleep over?


Comment by skrink.

OMG – my husband must be gay!! Won’t he be surprised when I tell him…

Mindy Reply:

That is hilarious. My husband must be too as well. LOL He takes more time than I do to pick out his outfits. His shirt, shorts, shoes, and hat HAVE to match.


Comment by Brattus Rattus.

The scary part is some parents WILL think this app MUST work. I feel for those kids.

Commenter #1 – an ex-friend of mine is guilty of #1, 3 & 4. #2 probably would have been true, too except she did all of the chores herself….even thought her kids were more than old enough to do every chore on the list. What a world we live in. LOL


Comment by N and Em's mom.

(5) Do you do your child’s homework?

(6) Do you think your child is telling the truth when they say, “Mom, that’s not my weed in my sock drawer. It’s my friend’s stash. Just because all my friends (fill in the blank) doesn’t mean that I do.” [sidebar: The last sentence always makes me metaphorically roll around on the floor while laughing.]

This is a seriously stupid app. Moreover, it is dangerous. When children kill themselves because they are taunted and teased about being gay, an app like this sends the wrong message. Being gay is not something that you “diagnose.”


Comment by Megan.

Did your parents blow $3 on an app to determine if you’re gay?

Also, I was unaware that hoping for a girl would make your son gay. And? Where’s the app to tell if your daughter is gay? Or is that easier to spot?

Mindy Reply:

I currently wished that baby #2 was a girl, so therefore that must mean “he’ll” grow up to be gay. How crazy!!!


Comment by Wendi.

Based on that criteria, I’m a gay man.


Comment by Meredith L..

I did wish my first child was a girl, and he’s a he! OH MY GOD MY SON MUST BE GAY I HAVE TO GO SLIT MY WRISTS NOW PANIC PANIC PANIC!

For a while we called our unborn child “she” because we wanted a girl so badly, and some idiot I worked with said, “But what if it’s a boy?” I said, “Then we’ll switch to ‘he.'” She said – and I’m not making this up – “But you’re already calling him a her!” This from the same office of people where another woman had to practically BURN all the girl clothes people had given her baby when it turned out she had a boy, because her husband would not allow the color pink or anything with flowers to so much as inhabit the same room as his mucho macho manly infant son.

People are dumb.


Comment by Nicole Pelton.

Aack, really, this is not a joke? I do think the wishing for a girl is a sure sign, though…

1) Did your parents enroll you in organized sports at 2 years old and have been coaching from the sidelines ever since?

2) do they look to apps for all their parenting needs?

3) do they think yelling and nagging are really going to get you to keep your room clean (ok, I’m guilty of that)

vodka tonic Reply:

LOLOLOL At the park the other day, we heard a sideline dad scream at his 3 year old,

Nicole Pelton Reply:

Did it work? That’s a bit harsh for not passing, he should probably save that threat for not scoring. Excuse me while I sob for that poor child.


Comment by Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes.



Comment by Ryan.

Thankfully, Google have responded to the backlash and removed the app.

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