We Mouthy Housewives are practically speechless over here and you know that doesn’t happen very often. We just can not believe that Congress recently decided to dismantle a USDA effort to make school lunches healthier by continuing to insist that pizza is one vegetable serving because and we swear this is true – it contains tomato paste!
Well done, Congress! We mothers are just thrilled about this because now we no longer have to convince our kids to eat broccoli and spinach. What a silly waste of time. You don’t have to actually try to get your children to eat fruits and vegetables. Just pretend they are already eating them!
Here’s a few tips to help you feed your kids:
Cheetos are really oranges. After all, they are the same color!
Doritos are just like carrots. See above for the easy-to- understand explanation.
Sausages are the same as salads. Both have a variety of stuff in them!
A Twinkie is like the identical twin of a banana or an ear of corn. But so much yummier!
See what we mean? Your kids will be happier. Less struggles at the dinner table. And sure, obesity and diabetes amongst our children will likely skyrocket. But isn’t that a fair trade off for a scrumptious meal of junk food?!
We think so too. And thankfully, Congress didn’t stop there. Our elected officials also voted to keep french fries on the menu and and delay limits on sodium and delay a requirement to boost whole grains. Bravo Congress!
Thank you for taking care of your lobbyists, instead of our children. We very much look forward to next November when we kick your pathetic, pansy tushes out of office. We promise to throw you a goodbye party. Pizza will definitely be on the menu.