22 Nov
Mouthing Off: If Pizza is a Vegetable Then Why Am I Getting Fat Eating DiGiorno?

We Mouthy Housewives are practically speechless over here and you know that doesn’t happen very often. We just can not believe that Congress recently decided to dismantle a USDA effort to make school lunches healthier by   continuing to insist that pizza is one vegetable serving because and we swear this is true – it contains tomato paste!

Well done, Congress! We mothers are just thrilled about this because now we no longer have to convince our kids to eat broccoli and spinach. What a silly waste of time. You don’t have to actually try to get your children to eat fruits and vegetables. Just pretend they are already eating them!

Here’s a few tips to help you feed your kids:

Cheetos are really oranges. After all, they are the same color!

Doritos are just like carrots. See above for the easy-to- understand explanation.

Sausages are the same as salads. Both have a variety of stuff in them!

A Twinkie is like the identical twin of a banana or an ear of corn. But so much yummier!

See what we mean? Your kids will be happier. Less struggles at the dinner table.   And sure, obesity and diabetes amongst our children will likely skyrocket. But isn’t that a fair trade off for a scrumptious meal of junk food?!

We think so too. And thankfully, Congress didn’t stop there. Our elected officials also voted to keep french fries on the menu and and delay limits on sodium and delay a requirement to boost whole grains. Bravo Congress!

Thank you for taking care of your lobbyists, instead of our children. We very much look forward to next November when we kick your pathetic, pansy tushes out of office. We promise to throw you a goodbye party. Pizza will definitely be on the menu.

26 Responses to “Mouthing Off: If Pizza is a Vegetable Then Why Am I Getting Fat Eating DiGiorno?”


Comment by Nicole.

Don’t forget to thank your retarded president who signed off on it!

Wendi Reply:

You can certainly say what you want about the President, but man, I just hate that R word.

muffintopmommy Reply:

I have to say, I’m not a big fan of our prez. But of all the words in our massive language to describe him, and I’ve used a few choice ones, there’s no reason to use the R word. Can’t stand it.

The thing is, there are many parents who will ensure their kids eat healthy food. Even if their kids buy hot lunch, they will offset it with better breakfasts and dinners. But for some kids, their school lunch is sadly the best chance they have to get a balanced meal all day. That’s the bummer of it all.

And though I’m not the hugest fan of the prez, the hubs and I were just remarking the other day that Michelle Obama really has tried to do a lot to inspire healthy eating in kids. Happy Meals now come with a much smaller container of fries and a bag of apples–it’s still not awesome but for some kids, that might be their only fruit or veggie for the day so it’s a step in the right direction.

Bean Reply:

Yes, it’s an idiotic decision. However, calling people names has never solved anything. Grow up.

this side of typical Reply:

Really? the R-word? REALLY?

I don’t care what you’re politics are–there is NEVER an acceptable time to use that word. As much as it is time we need to see a change in our congress due to this asanine bill, we also need to erase that word from our vocab.

unless of course you yourself are mentally deficient and are using it in a slang way?

see? that sounds like an insult doesn’t it? that’s because it is.

Marie Reply:

Thank you to both of you for pointing out the use of the R-word. I’d rather hear the F-word instead of the R-word. I’m disgusted.

-Murray’s Momma

Marinka Reply:

Hey, what’s wrong with the F-word?! Some of my best friends have freckles.

Kelcey, TMH Reply:

Just to clarify – it was actually the President who proposed the new healthier lunches and Congress who scaled back his efforts in a final version of an Agriculture spending bill. So think what you want of President Obama and the First Lady but you can’t dispute that they have tried to make our school lunches healthier. It was unfortunately Congress who caved to the special interests.


Comment by rojopaul.

When I was growing up, we had to pack our own lunches. (Gasp) And we were excited when we finally got a vending machine – with orange juice, apple juice, and water. Those were the days – before Congress mandated what we could eat and people were smart enough to know that pizza was NOT a vegetable.


Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

I just wonder if the fact that pizza is made with flour – which in turn comes from a plant, wheat, turned the scales in favour of the veggie option.
Following the same thought I would say that bread, polenta and noodles are vegetables…. :-/

Plano Mom Reply:

Cookies and brownies have nuts. That’s protein.


Comment by Plano Mom.

Fortunately for me my son has already heard me rant about the stupidity of our leadership. This one became just one more example. By this time he was ranting with me.

I encourage you all to allow your children to eat anything they want for one day. Load them up with sugar and pizza, and when they inevitably feel sick, begin the lesson about moderation. If you’re lucky like me, the lesson will stick.

highlyirritable Reply:

I let my kids go hog wild on candy on Halloween night and the day following. That’s usually all it takes. In 13 years, there’s never been a year where I didn’t have 90% of the candy stash sitting on the counter by November 2nd.


Comment by chris.

and this is what we get when we allow the government to dictate how we live our lives.


Comment by avprobeauty.

This is ridiculous. I for one am at least happy that one group of women are taking a stand against this! Thanks MHW.


Comment by this side of typical.

We need to start a brown bag movement! Schools make money from these lunches. If the students who can afford to take a sack lunch do so, the schools WILL notice and start taking action.

basic economics people. Increase the demand (i mean REALLY increase it and not just say it) and the price will drop, making it more feasible for schools and gov’t to adopt it. Hit them where it hurts.

What chaps me is that the kids who really suffer here are those on the free lunch programs, for whom these meals may be the best thing they see all day. I’ve worked in low income schools and seen the mess they call “nutritious” and i wouldn’t feed it to my dog.

Kelcey, TMH Reply:

I agree – it’s the children who have the least and must depend on these crappy lunches who suffer the most.


Comment by Peajaye.

What’s the problem? Kids like to eat junk food. Lobbyists like to push gov’t to pass laws that help them make $ at the expense of our children. Parents like to abscond their responsibilities and let schools feed their children. It’s win-win-win all around. Not to mention that with increased diabetes and heart disease, there’ll be less over-population in the future. I don’t see what all the fuss is about.


Comment by Marinka.

If you need me, I’ll be at the farm market. I mean, Pizza Hut.


Comment by Tonya.

Whatever your politics…Congress should be forced to eat these lunches. The kids should be taken out to fancy places by the lobbyists.

N and Em's mom Reply:

That is a brilliant idea; deliver pizzas with the 2 Tablespoons of tomato paste/slice to Congress. Great publicity stunt! Where are those million moms who were so worried about Shwetty Ball IceCream and Chaz Bono when you need them?

Kelcey, TMH Reply:

Excellent idea! Brilliant.


Comment by Mrs4444.

This is hilarious and enlightening; it explains why we now have guacamole and spinach at lunch, but we also still have the BEST CHIPS EVER (ridiculous amounts of salt, which is why I love them).


Comment by mtwildflower.

I really wish the idea that Congress declared pizza a vegetable would stop, because it simply isn’t true. In fact, if you scour the agriculture appropriations bill http://www.rules.house.gov/Media/file/PDF_112_1/Committee%20Jurisdiction%20Reports/CR2112%201114s.pdf you will find there is no mention of “pizza” or even “vegetable.”

Basically, it’s a matter of opinion regarding tomato paste.

A serving of most vegetables or fruit is a 1/2 cup in mostly their natural state besides some heating up. Tomato paste is a concentrated food, meaning it’s cooked down, into a paste, and an 1/8 of a cup is going to pack pretty much the same nutrient punch as 1/2 a cup of most other fruits or vegetables.

The controversy has to do with making it easier for food manufacturers ie: pizza makers, to chalk up a serving of vegetables in every slice. Really, nutritionally-wise an 1/8 cup tomato paste is totally legit.

Further, not quite sure how school menus are done, but I am a child daycare provider and I have filled out many a menu claim with the USDA in order to be reimbursed for meals and snacks that I serve my kids in daycare. I have never seen pizza listed as a vegetable and for all combo dishes, I have to separate out the ingredients. So pizza, would actually fulfill my vegetable requirement with both the paste and another veggie I put on top, whatever it might be. It also counts as a bread, (crust) meat or meat substitute (cheese). Since schools lunches and daycare meals all fall under the same USDA reimbursement umbrella, I can’t see that school would do it much differently than I would.

The problem I have with school lunches as a whole, is that most are not made on site, or even in the same city. I think that’s where much of the problem lies.

And what’s wrong with the “R” word? I AM the “R” word and I use it all the time.

I’m not ashamed to be a Republican! 😉


Comment by My Mother is a Soda Pusher! | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] that your mother may be trying to find a special treat that she can share with grandchildren-a forbidden fruit, so to speak, that will win them over. Suggest to her that spending time doing a favorite activity […]


Comment by karena milford.

I work in an elementary school cafeteria as a lunchroom monitor. (Hey, it pays for ballet classes.) And the problem with the food is not its veggie to junk ratio, but rather that it is all processed and or prepackaged. The pizza is frozen slices, the mashed potatoes are made somewhere else, bagged and frozen and shipped. The veggies are all frozen. When in season, we do get fresh melon, apples and oranges, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that everything else is brown. Chicken nuggets, french fries, tater tots… we’re not allowed to have salad bars because the children are not allowed to serve themselves. They need to offer fruit and veggie platters with dip, fruit and veggie kabobs, things like that. We have chicken nuggets on Wednesday and pizza on Friday, every week, never fails. Most “meats” are breaded and sandwiched. They do offer a chef salad every day as a substitute, but they’ve taken away the yogurt and fruit option because it was too costly. I am FAR from a health nut. I work 2 jobs and I don’t bat an eye @ giving my kids beans and weenies because I’m too darn tired or I’m up to my chin in dirty laundry (I do usually add shredded carrots onions and peppers to the crockpot, too, but its still beans and weenies) but my kids won’t usually touch the lunches they serve there. You can taste the processing in the food and its nasty. Now on with the R word comment… I have a little brother who has special needs and I find that word to be super offensive and find that most ppl who casually throw that word around are a bit mentally deficient themselves, proven by the fact that they can’t come up with a better adjective to describe a person whose beliefs or opinions they find to be stupid. Allow me to help with some better adjectives for you, you could refer to him as a numbskull, bonehead, jackoff, moron, idiot, shit for brains, tarter sauce for brains, (thank you spongebob) blockhead. These are all much more acceptable.

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