29 Oct
Mothers Against Raising Their Young Responsibly

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m hoping that you can help me with a problem. In the last ten years I’ve become an uncontrollable and abusive parent.

It started in small stages when my twins were three and I asked them to pick up their toys. But I wasn’t happy with just asking, I next insisted, and dare I say, ordered. I’ve even gone so far as to take away things like video games for failing to go along with my abuses.

As they got older I’ve committed more horrific abuses, like making them wash dishes, feed the pets, and even fold laundry. Lately I’ve added the most foul and monstrous abuse…clean the bathroom.

My children have begged, pleaded, and cried against these heinous tortures but I can’t stop. They turned to other kids for ways to cope with the maltreatment. Poor dears, they discovered I am the only mother in the entire county who inflicts such dastardly horrors on her children.

I know that abuse like this is a cycle. My mother abused me in the same way, and the horror of all the vacuuming and folding still haunts my dreams. As we speak I can hear the soft whooshing of the dryer’s cool down cycle, and I can see the breakfast dishes on the counter. I know it’s only a matter of time before I abuse again. Please stop me before it happens.

Hopelessly Abusive Parent


Dear Hopelessly Abusive Parent,

I consulted each Mouthy Housewife and we all agree: we’re abusive parents too!

We were in denial for so long, so thank you for showing us the light. This is such a serious problem, and clearly we all need intervention. We decided to take action, so we formed a support group, complete with a 12-step plan of recovery. We call it Mothers Against Raising Their Young Responsibly (MARTYR for short). The 12-step system is as follows:

#1 Admit we are powerless over our children, that they have become unmanageable.

#2 Come to believe that a lazy child is a happy child.

#3 Make a decision to turn our will and lives over to martyrdom and do everything for our children.

#4 Make a searching and fearless inventory of Valium.

#5 Admit to God, to ourselves and to anyone willing to listen the exact nature of our martyrdom.

#6 Are entirely ready to have a live-in maid remove all traces of dirt and clutter.

#7 Humbly ask maid to also become sister wife since we no longer have time for our husbands.

#8 Make a list of all children we have harmed by expecting personal responsibility from them.

#9 Make direct amends by waiting on them hand and foot and feeding them fast food every day.

#10 Continue to take financial inventory since we will support our spoiled rotten children for the rest of our lives.

#11 Seek through prayer and medication a closer contact with God, praying for His knowledge of how to build a padded room in the basement.

#12 Having had a spiritual awakening through these steps, promise to carry this message to other mothers.

MARTYR meetings will be held on the 2nd Tuesday of every month in Calvary, Jerusalem. All meetings are BYOC (bring your own cross) and remember to wear your group-issued horsehair shirt.

Hope to see you there!
Heather, TMH

14 Responses to “Mothers Against Raising Their Young Responsibly”


Comment by hokgardner.

It’s so nice to know I’m not the only abusive mother out there. To hear my girls tell it, I’m the worst mom EVER.


Comment by Kristin.

Bahahahaha! I am so terribly abusive to my kids. Thank goodness I now have a place to go to be with other abusive parents! 🙂


Comment by The Good Cook.

It’s so nice to know that I am not alone… Hello, my name is The Good Cook and I’m an abusive parent.

I have made my teenagers wash their own clothes, load the dishwasher, clean their rooms and take out the garbage. When I am feeling particularly nasty I make the son mow the grass.

I have no intention on stopping any of my heinous crimes. Take me away now (please!)


Comment by GrandeMocha.

I was the girl in the dorm that taught laundry to the kids who hadn’t done it before. Don’t be that mom. Save your children the humilation of asking a stranger to help them wash their undies. TEACH THEM NOW!

And yes I am the meanest mom in the world. I make my 7 yr old fold laundry.


Comment by GrandeMocha.

The rule of the living room is, if I step on it, I thow it in the trash. If it gets sucked up in the vaccuum, its gone.


Comment by Heather Housewife.

GrandeMocha: I can’t tell you how many Lego figures have been beheaded by my vacuum.


Comment by Ellen11703.

Sign Me Up and Nail Me to a Cross…
I am ready to be a MARTYR!

I confess, I have made them clean and wash and dust.
I even made them do …gulp HOMEWORK!
I have followed them and listened in on their phone calls … I have even (gulp) searched their drawers and Horrors … they are beginning to do the same to their kids …abuse is a vicious cycle.
I am the 2nd meanest mother in the world, my mother was the meanest! LOL!


Comment by K.

I’m a mean mom, too!

I really wish more moms were. It amazes me how many parents I see letting their toddler control the family. If you can’t make them mind at 2, what’s it going to be like when they’re 12?


Comment by Amber in Albuquerque.

Put me on the list…I supervised while my 7-year-old took a wet rag to the bathroom floor (it’s a lot easier for him to be on his hands and knees than it is for me) because…HORROR!…he and his brother don’t pay attention in there (if you know what I mean). I told him that “I don’t pee on the floor, I use the toilet. When you learn to do the same, you won’t have to wash the floor anymore.” I’m awful, I know (the floor is like 1.5 feet square, btw).


Comment by Darth-O.

“If you can’t make them mind at 2, what do you think it will be like when they’re 12?”

I can’t tell you how many times i’ve had to give that speech to my bf’s great-grandmother. God forbid my kid should do something I want her to….


Comment by Erin.

GrandeMocha, I’m a worse mom than you–when my oldest turns 6 (about 5 weeks from now) his current chore of merely putting away his folded laundry turns into him actually having to fold the laundry himself AND put it away. At age SIX! We also make him take out the recycling bin on trash days. And both he and the almost-3-year-old are frequently tortured with our insistence upon cleaning up toys and putting away books. The horror, the horror!

I feel better with this program available and to know that I’m not alone.


Comment by CSY.

My name is CSY and I too am an abusive mother. I mke my children 12, 10 and 8 wash their own laundry, fold it, put it away, clean their bathroom, their bedrooms and EVEN the kitchen and living room! The HORROR!!! Why is it that mothers who raise their children right are wrong?


Comment by stepiphany.

This post. Is beautiful.


Comment by Steph.

Well at least you don’t spank them, because heaven knows you should be locked into the darkest cell at Guantanamo for that level of abuse.

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