Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m hoping that you can help me with a problem. In the last ten years I’ve become an uncontrollable and abusive parent.
It started in small stages when my twins were three and I asked them to pick up their toys. But I wasn’t happy with just asking, I next insisted, and dare I say, ordered. I’ve even gone so far as to take away things like video games for failing to go along with my abuses.
As they got older I’ve committed more horrific abuses, like making them wash dishes, feed the pets, and even fold laundry. Lately I’ve added the most foul and monstrous abuse…clean the bathroom.
My children have begged, pleaded, and cried against these heinous tortures but I can’t stop. They turned to other kids for ways to cope with the maltreatment. Poor dears, they discovered I am the only mother in the entire county who inflicts such dastardly horrors on her children.
I know that abuse like this is a cycle. My mother abused me in the same way, and the horror of all the vacuuming and folding still haunts my dreams. As we speak I can hear the soft whooshing of the dryer’s cool down cycle, and I can see the breakfast dishes on the counter. I know it’s only a matter of time before I abuse again. Please stop me before it happens.
Hopelessly Abusive Parent
Dear Hopelessly Abusive Parent,
I consulted each Mouthy Housewife and we all agree: we’re abusive parents too!
We were in denial for so long, so thank you for showing us the light. This is such a serious problem, and clearly we all need intervention. We decided to take action, so we formed a support group, complete with a 12-step plan of recovery. We call it Mothers Against Raising Their Young Responsibly (MARTYR for short). The 12-step system is as follows:
#1 Admit we are powerless over our children, that they have become unmanageable.
#2 Come to believe that a lazy child is a happy child.
#3 Make a decision to turn our will and lives over to martyrdom and do everything for our children.
#4 Make a searching and fearless inventory of Valium.
#5 Admit to God, to ourselves and to anyone willing to listen the exact nature of our martyrdom.
#6 Are entirely ready to have a live-in maid remove all traces of dirt and clutter.
#7 Humbly ask maid to also become sister wife since we no longer have time for our husbands.
#8 Make a list of all children we have harmed by expecting personal responsibility from them.
#9 Make direct amends by waiting on them hand and foot and feeding them fast food every day.
#10 Continue to take financial inventory since we will support our spoiled rotten children for the rest of our lives.
#11 Seek through prayer and medication a closer contact with God, praying for His knowledge of how to build a padded room in the basement.
#12 Having had a spiritual awakening through these steps, promise to carry this message to other mothers.
MARTYR meetings will be held on the 2nd Tuesday of every month in Calvary, Jerusalem. All meetings are BYOC (bring your own cross) and remember to wear your group-issued horsehair shirt.
Hope to see you there!