26 Apr
I’ve Got Baby Fever But My Husband Isn’t Feeling It.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m 25 and have been married for almost 6 years. When my husband I and got married, I was 20 years old, still in college and we both had no intentions of having children… EVER. Somewhere along the way, I guess my motherly instincts kicked in, and playing mama to my dogs isn’t cutting it anymore and I really want to have a baby. My husband, now 29, still doesn’t want children.

Our lifestyle is often in chaos because he’s in the military and he’s currently learning to fly jets. I keep hoping he’ll change his mind once training stops or maybe mine will go back to where it was. I don’t want to pressure him into having kids and I will NEVER trick him into it either. I want this to be a mutual decision.

For the most part, I’ve given up my dreams to follow and support my husband, and he definitely makes everything worth it. But I’m a little afraid I’ll end up resenting him and I don’t want to. I’m also having a hard time not getting jealous when many of my friends are getting pregnant and having children. I feel like something is missing and I’m a bit depressed.

What do you suggest to help me channel my motherly instincts and jealousy elsewhere, so I stop driving my husband nuts trying to convince him to make babies with me?

Signed,

Longing for a Baby

__________________________

Longing for a Baby,

So at the age of 20, you didn’t want a baby. Well, at the age of 20, I didn’t want to ever be one of those suburban moms who drives a gold minivan and wears visors because that would be so lame. But now that I’m just a bit older, I love all the kids that fit in my minivan. And well, visors keep your head cool and protect you from the sun. C’mon, it’s true!

My point is – life changes, priorities change and desires change. I’m amazed you even got married at 20. Because at that age, I was drunk on goldfish shots (Yes, live goldfish! In the shots!) trying to determine whether it was classier to get a tattoo or a belly ring. I eventually went belly ring.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting a baby now.  I could tell you how loud, messy and stinky babies are but it would do nothing to temper your desire. And I wish I could funnel your energies into something else but it’s been my experience that when you want a baby, YOU WANT A BABY. And nothing is going to change that.

This isn’t the kind of thing you can sacrifice for another individual.  I would strongly suggest you see a couple’s therapist to work on this issue or else it’s going to tear you apart. There can be lots of anger and resentment when couples disagree over growing their family.

Also, stop shelving your own dreams for your spouse. Yes, you may have to making certain adjustments for your husband’s military career but that doesn’t mean you can’t fulfill your own goals. This needs to be an equal partnership after all.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

Consider Checking Out...