Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m going back to work and we’re hiring a new babysitter for our 3 year-old daughter. Any tips for the interview process?
Adventures in Babysitting
Dear Adventures in Babysitting,
As every parent knows, hiring someone to watch your child is one of the most difficult things you can ever do. After all, you want to know that your precious baby is receiving the best care and attention possible. You want to know that they’re learning and thriving. And you really want to know if they’re being tied to a chair while a weird German man takes extortion pictures of them. (Note to Cindy Crawford: Next time hire a nanny who doesn’t have a tripod in her purse.)
Since this is such an important decision for your family, I highly recommend that you go through a sitter/nanny agency where they’ll do the background check and most of the vetting for you. It’s well worth the extra money. But if that’s not possible, I found some great interview questions here and here that should help you find a great caretaker for your child.
Now that I’ve given you the mature, professional way to do it, here are a few immature, Mouthy questions you might also want to ask a potential babysitter:
1. Do you find my husband attractive?
2. Do you find me attractive?
3. Do you think I settled?
4. Is that a prison tattoo?
5. No, not that one. I mean the one on your lower back that says, “40 Days In The Hole.”
6. Are you currently dating a German extortionist?
7. Are you currently dating a Swedish extortionist?
8. Are you currently dating an extortionist of any kind? Why not?
9. Do I look fat in these pants?
10. What’s the name of that weird Wiggle with the creepy eyes?
11. Do you find him attractive?
12. How are you at backrubs?
14. You really don’t have any spa training at all?
15. Does this look infected to you?
16. What do you mean “you have to leave?”
So good luck, Adventures. I’m sure any or all of those questions will help you find the babysitter of your dreams. And if not, give me a call. I could use a job.