24 Jan
I Hate Your Baby Name

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My cousin is pregnant with a little boy, and while I’m extremely happy for her, I can’t stand the name she picked out for him. And obviously I can’t tell her how much I don’t like the name so I need a really great nickname for the name Colton.

Any ideas?


You’re Naming Your Kid What?!


Dear You’re Naming Your Kid What?!,

Well, don’t go blaming yourself for this. I have personally introduced a constitutional amendment requiring all people to keep their baby names a secret until AFTER the child is born.

It’s just terribly awkward to know a baby’s name beforehand. First of all, it’s hard to get jazzed about the birth of a baby when you already know every detail months in advance.   I’m having a baby. It’s a girl. Her name is Elizabeth Sarah. The c-section date is on April 25th. She’s a Taurus and her hobbies will be horseback riding and rowing. TMI people.

Second of all, it’s a lot easier to hate a name before the baby is born. Once you are cooing over the little tyke, it’s possible to forget that his name is Vanilli or Pilot Inspektor. Not completely. But those cute cheeks and baby soft skin make it a bit more palatable.

Now we have gotten this baby name problem before. And I was really bracing myself for you to share some kind of horrific name. But Colton? Oh my gosh, I love that name! Like if Tim Riggins of Friday Night Lights wasn’t named Tim Riggins – he would be named Colton. Colton is like a hot cowboy. Or a handsome movie star. Or maybe a cheesy soap character. But let’s focus on cowboy and movie star. I really think it’s a pretty cool name.

Does that help? Oh man, you still don’t like it. Alright, how about if you just call him “Cole?” Or maybe “Ton” but that could be politically incorrect with the whole eradicate childhood obesity campaign going on right now.   You could just call him “the baby” but of course, that will get strange once he starts high school.

I think the best bet is to wait and meet the little guy. You might be so enamored with him, you won’t care what he goes by.   That’s probably why they make those babies so ridiculously cute.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

29 Responses to “I Hate Your Baby Name”


Comment by annie.

I’m afraid I fall more in the “respect the parent’s choice and call him Colton” camp. It they’d have wanted you to call him something else, they would have named him something else. Just sayin’

Carla Reply:

Completely agree.

Karin W Reply:

agree – you get your turn to pick baby names when you have a baby. Don’t knock other’s choices, unless there’s a blatant joke that the parents are blind to and even then, you have to do that politely and with care and respect.

Sherri Reply:

I agree, too. (Also, I love the name Colton!! It was on our top ten when I was pregnant with our littlest. )

Avprobeauty Reply:

100% agree since when is it anyone’s place what you name YOUR child? I could see if they chose Pooh or something but other than that keep your mouth shut. I know someone that has three kids two of which are named Boston (boy) and Sailor (girl), and their names suit them perfectly!


Comment by Nicole.

You are so right on about not sharing names, my mom managed to ruin every name we proposed until we finally learned our lesson.

I think it does depend on how close you are…my sister opted to call our 10lb nephew bubba, since she was from Texas and we all (inlcuding the parents) thought it was funny. He’s 15 now and still gets a kick out of it.

I do love the name Cole, but I agree, don’t pick a nickname unless it seems totally ok with the parents. And in this day and age or all these wacky names, Couton, totally cool name.


Comment by Cate8.

This is funny. While pregnant with my 4th child (separated from that wife-beatin’ husband) I was quite excited to name my baby anything I wanted. So if the baby was a girl I would name her Cassidy Lee. and the boys name…… Napoleon. Glad my friend talked me out of that…. His name is Mackenzie and he will be 18 in May!


Comment by Kelly.

Whenever someone close to me picks a name I don’t care for, I just think, “I’m so glad they didn’t *take* one of *my* names!” 🙂

Kelcey Reply:

Great advice!


Comment by blair.

My friend and his “baby momma” decided to name their son Fabio. The father is Dutch and the mom is Peruvian and they wanted a name that could work in both countries. Perhaps they are unfamiliar with the long haired muscular butter loving romance hero? In anycase I can’t help but worry for their sons future with that name. Is his future doomed to bullying and ridicule? I guess only time will tell

VG Reply:

A former co-worker told me about one of her best friend’s kid’s name is Ramses Poindexter. Not joking…

Ramses???? I would take Fabio anyday over that!


Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

What’s wrong with the name Fabio? 😀


Comment by Momof4Luds.

I LOVE Tim Riggins. Boy, do I miss FNL.

Sorry, got distracted there for a minute.


Comment by Plano Mom.

When that baby is born, you will call him whatever fits. People have a way of growing into their names, and the name they are meant to have will grow on you, even if it is Colton. All names come from great love and affection, and take a bit of time to stick.

Otherwise, if you still can’t stand it, you call him Sweet Boy, then you call him Handsome Young Man. Either express your love appropriately without denying the person you’re addressing.


Comment by Elizabeth.

I never call anyone by their real name. I always have a nickname.
How about C-baby?
But don’t let the mama know that you hate the name. That will just cause problems.


Comment by Chele.

Just recently found your site and love it. I had to weigh in on this. Our hairdresser is pregnant with her second girl. The first one’s name is Zoe, which is adorable. They think they are going to name the second one Chloe. Also adorable, but ZOE and CHLOE? It makes you just want to scream “Why would you DO that????”

But, everybody gets their chance to pick their names and it doesn’t matter if nobody else likes it. Unfortunately, in some cases.


Comment by Catherine.

I love the name Colton. I also love Tim Riggins. In fact, if you ask my kids who their new daddy will be they……

Wait…..what are we talking about here?

Amanda Reply:

You are my new favorite. I’m still in mourning!


Comment by Marinka.

I recommend not using “Colon” as a cute nickname.


Comment by Just Me.

If you can’t bring yourself to say his name, buy him a pair of baby cowboy boots and call him “big guy”.


Comment by patrick.

Two recent star college quarterbacks have the first name Colt. Case closed.


Comment by rojopaul.

What did you say your name was? Crouton? Just kidding, I actually think Colton is a cute name. And I can relate because when my sister-in-law decided to name her baby Damien, I was horrified! The demon child? Really? But he was born, we love him, and 15 years later, I don’t think twice about the evil Damien. So just be happy for them. Once he’s born, you’ll love it because you love him!

Plano Mom Reply:

Exactly. Even if the name doesn’t grow on you, the kiddo will!


Comment by VG.

One of my cousin’s recently had a baby and they named him Levin. Apparently its the name of a character in a book, which is her hubby’s favorite book, so they went with it.
Would it be MY choice? Not in a million years, but it works for them. My hubby & I call him all sorts of nicknames, but never to their faces. He can go by his middle name when he gets older 🙂


Comment by crushworthymoms.

We are kinda digging Colton. No nicknames! The only time you should have such a strong opinion of a baby’s name is when that baby is going to come out of you! xx, crushworthymoms


Comment by Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes.

A co-worker chose a name which you prenounce as ‘bweurk’. Not kidding. Colton is actually quite nice. Unless of course their last is Smolton or something like it.


Comment by karena.

this is kind of sort of off subject, but i saw the “damien demon child” post and have to point out that my mother wanted to name my little bro damien, but opted for jason instead, same with my other little bro and she went with michael for him. then came the halloween and friday the 13th movies… apparently they were destined to be ax weilding monsters. hehehehehe


Comment by CorbinsHeart.

Ok. I have to comment because my first born (2 years old) is named Colton. Obviously I love the name.
I’m wondering WHY you don’t like it?

And you’re really not going to find a good nickname for Colton, besides Colt. Which is what we call my son. 🙂


Comment by Ace.

1. (Unrelated-ish rant): I already know my cousins will make fun of any names we pick out because they made fun of my name and my siblings’ names, so I’m prepared for that. However, letter writer, have you thought about the fact that there are, inevitably, lots of people on the earth who can’t stand your name? …And use it anyway? It’s part of getting along on the earth and showing respect for others’ choices, which have nothing to do with you.
2. “Colt” was my favorite character from the “3 Ninja” movies. Maybe your cousin has an old crush she never told you about 🙂
3. I agree with Kelcey that sometimes TMI before the birth “ruins” whatever expectation you, as a second-cousin of the baby, may have. Parents can still change their minds on the name. …Or you will come to love the baby and not care what his name is. One of my girlfriends ranted and raved about her daughter naming the first granddaughter “Fiona” and made all kinds of jokes about Ogres and Shrek, and come to find out… meets the baby and we ALL adore little Fiona and can’t imagine her with another name. You’ll find a way to get over it 🙂

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