05 Apr
How to Deal With A Queen Bee Mom

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

A couple of months ago, I signed my kids up for gymnastics. They love it, but I’m about to beat the crap out of this Alpha mom whose kid has been on the team for years. She’s talking about me to the other moms, telling them I’m rude because she couldn’t back her Suburban out of a parking space when my car happened to be across the road from hers (I moved my car but not fast enough). The next week, she was still loudly talking about it, so I stepped over to the group and told her that if she can’t drive a big car, maybe she should park somewhere else.

Now it’s two months later and she keeps giving me the stink eye as well as pointing to my kid and making comments. (My kid is very talented and will probably make the team.) I’m there twice a week and it’s getting harder and harder not to snatch her up. Please give me some perspective on what to do.


Save Me From the Mean Mom


Dear Save Me From the Mean Mom,

Remember those bitchy, Queen Bee-type of girls from high school? The ones who always tried to make you feel bad about yourself? The ones who told you your fluorescent pink sweater from The Limited looked like dead bunny brains? THE ONES WHO SAID THAT GEORGE MICHAEL WOULD NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU SHOULD ASK THE ONE-ARMED JANITOR TO PROM SO YOU DON’T DIE A VIRGIN?! HUH? DO YOU?

Yeah, me either.

What I do know is that mean girls sometimes grow up to be mean moms and clearly, that’s what you’re dealing with here. She’s obviously anointed herself Queen of the Cartwheels and, save a quick shanking in the ladies room with a sharpened bobby pin and a ceramic bust of Nadia Comaneci, there’s not a lot you can do about it. Just take a lot of deep, calming breaths and stay the hell out of her way.

Because here’s the thing: A 40-year-old mommy bully isn’t much different than a 10-year-old kid bully. If you don’t let her see she’s bothering you, she’ll simply lose all interest in stirring the pot. So when she glares at you or whispers about you or makes a snide comment, just try your hardest to put a little Mona Lisa smile on your face and ignore it. Jam earphones in your ears and listen to some Adele on your iPod if it helps. (Or some Justin Bieber, if you’re anything like Kelcey.)

I know diffusing a bully’s power is never easy, but trust me when I say that your indifference will hurt her way more than a mommy smackdown ever could.   (But, um, if that does happen? Please put it on YouTube.) I really hope you’re able to figure this all out for your kids’ sake.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put on my pink sweater. The one-armed janitor is waiting for me at the mall.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH




18 Responses to “How to Deal With A Queen Bee Mom”


Comment by Nicolini.

Girlfriend, kill her with kindness! Nothing chaps a mean girl’s ass more than that.
AND when all the other moms see how friendly and sweet you actually are mean mom will just look like the asshole she really is. It’s a win-win for you! Although, I know that the idea of beating her down probably sounds A LOT more appealing. Good luck!


Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

Great advice Wendi, just ignore her, I mean royally ignore her. Be nice to the other moms, but behave as if she doesn’t exist, which means pretend you don’t hear her snide remarks, etc.
She’ll get furious and increase her meanness levels at first, but when she sees it doesn’t work she’ll lose interest and go find another target.

I’m sure the other moms know perfectly well what kind of woman she is, and don’t pick a fight with her because it would be soooooo tiring, it really isn’t worth the effort.

And besides, think that you have to cope with her only twice a week, while she has to live with herself all the time. Now, this really sucks!!!


Comment by christy.

Perfect advice. I really can’t believe some women! Some people, I should say! Ugh. And if you can’t ignore her, kill her with kindness. I always tell myself: act as if!


Comment by bitsy.

Great advice, everyone. Don’t sink to her level.


Comment by Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac.

Totally agree with Wendi…rise above! Your cool attitude will totally kill her. I also think this is a great chance to practice what we preach to our kids about bullying. If she confronts you directly you may need to come up with a standard, broken-record response. Something really vague and detached like “That’s one way to look at it.”


Comment by Stacy.

Bring in the most scrumptious snack you can find to share with the moms – irresistible cupcakes or yummy fudge brownies.
This will help the other moms to see you as “friendly” and create some interest in you. Winning the other moms over is great revenge.

wendi Reply:

Ohhh, that’s great idea.


Comment by Plano Mom.

Great advice, although women like that piss me off so much I feel like I need to add to it.

So take my advice, even though I don’t: This woman is a bitch to everyone, so stop taking it personally. How sad her life must be to spend so much time trying to put other people down. There is nothing you can do or say to be in her good graces, so don’t expend any effort in trying. Every time she makes a remark, pretend it’s your kid calling you when you want peace – TUNE. HER. OUT.

Plano Mom Reply:

Oh yeah, and for me it was a purple sequined silk jacket, and SOMEONE stole it after telling me it was tacky.


Comment by StephanieG.

LittleG and I had basically the same conversation about this little brat named Emily. She is mean and bossy and basically pushes everyone around.

My advice to her, and to you, is that you cannot control anyone else’s behavior but your own. Talking to the brat won’t change her behavior, nor will pleading your case to the others. Just hold your head high and be as pleasant and grown up as you can be. Everyone else probably feels the same way about her as you do, and stirring things up jus makes you look petty.

Now, special advice for you – take a box of Little Debbies, Godiva chocolates, or your poison of choice to “help you through” the rough times, should you encounter any. And as soon as you get home safely, have a nice glass of wine to wash down the sugar and sanity.


Comment by K.

I like the kill with kindness comment. I’ve encountered a few queen bees and I just smile at them and laugh at anything ridiculous they say like it’s a joke.

That a really good wonder bra seems to help me through it.


Comment by Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up).

Honestly, the only way to deal with a bully is to take away their power which is usually fear. Just get in her face and show her you’re not afraid. Always works for me at least. Nobody ever fucks with me.


Comment by Mandy.

Gahh. So the drama doesn’t end when you have kids? Great.


Comment by Alexandra.


That’s OK, she gets to be with herself when she dies.

Chilling, isn’t it?


Comment by dusty earth mother.

Wendi, that was really really funny. That is all.


Comment by mobriley.

Thank You Wendi You probably saved me from a smack down in the street


Comment by Atrevi.

I have the same experience here in the Philippines. I complained on the first year about the cost per head for the class Christmas party and since then, every time there was a complaint, suggestion or criticism about any of their plans, decisions and activities, they always assume it’s me, even though I have consciously stayed out of their way or their loop or from making any comment.

Recently, I have been blamed again for some complaints about this year’s Christmas party venue. If they will only check the group email, maybe they will see that I was the first one to confirm attendance. So how could I be the complainer?

It’s really unfair and infuriating how they have already labeled or type casted me as some sort of evil character in their pathetic lives.

I was upset the whole weekend because of the us-against-them attitude of these moms but my wise husband told me something that helped change my mood from mad to indifferent. He said: “I am proud of you because of the impression you made on them. You should be proud that you are in the thoughts of simple minded idiots like them. You are the antithesis of evil and that is something to be happy about.”



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