Hey, Mom!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My 8-year-old daughter has taken to calling her father and me by our first names. It doesn’t bother either one of us, but some of our friends have told us that it’s disrespectful. What do you think?
Signed,
Mrs. Mom
_____________________________
Dear Mrs. Mom,
Oh, a rose by any other name and all that.
Sorry, sometimes in The Mouthy Housewives kingdom we like to throw some Shakespeare around. Soothes us on stressful days.
When I was a kid, I went through a “calling my parents by their first name” phase. Which my parents did not enjoy one bit. Eventually, I got bored with it and resorted to “mama” and “papa.”
My own kids, on the other hand, sometimes call their father by his first name and me by my initials. It doesn’t bother either one of us.
I asked my husband why it doesn’t bother him and he said, “I have bigger things to worry about.” Whoa, put down the world, Atlas! As for me, I’m not bothered because most of the time my kids speak to me in a respectful manner. And they didn’t try to weasel out of Mother’s Day on the technicality that they don’t always call me “mom,” so I feel confident that even though they refer to me by another name, they know that I’m their mother. (Besides, the times they’ve called me Mom, they’ve managed to make it into a three syllable word.)
You and your husband get to decide what you are comfortable being called by your kids. If you are okay with being Jane instead of “mom” or “mommy,” it’s your right. You can judge if it is disrespectful by their tone more than the actual words. Feel free to confirm this with Joan Crawford.
If you would prefer to be called “mom,” you can insist on it with your daughter. Don’t respond to anything other than “mom” or some variation thereof. Or call her “daughter” only in retaliation. Remind her that she’s the only person in the world (assuming that she is an only child) that gets to call you “mom” and she should bask in the privilege.
And as with so many other things in life, if you are comfortable with your decisions, feel free to ignore your friends’ discomfort.
Good luck,
Marinka, TMH
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7 Responses to “Hey, Mom!”
Comment by Kati.
What I wouldn’t give for a “mommy” around here. My 12 yr old is too sophisticated for that and insists on “mom” – at the beginning AND end of every single sentence, in rapid-fire delivery…I hear “mom, mom, hey mom” about 500 times a morning.
My 10 yr old, however, is far too cool for even that. He likes to nickname me (my blog is name after one of those said nicknames), and has recently taken to calling me “mother”. Now I HATE being called Mother, it’s a bit too Norman Bates for me, and I don’t care WHAT tone he uses, it doesn’t sound respectful to me. (Okay, it’s perfectly respectful, but it doesn’t sound affectionate and lovey, and that’s really what I need!)
I’d be fine if he called me Kati, as long as he said it sweetly and like he adored me…maybe preceded by the word “darling”. Though knowing him, he’d find a way to make it sound sarcastic. I really don’t know where he gets it.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
My son mistakenly calls me “Dude” quite often lately. I don’t mind, because it’s usually to include me in something that “Mom” would be cool enough to understand.
However, I do make a point to call him “babe” back.
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Comment by Nanette.
Instead of your first name, require her to call you “Mrs. (insert last name here)” if she thinks “Mom” is not good enough!
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Comment by dusty earth mother.
I’m not sure if this would bother me if my kids were a bit older(they’re only 5 and 6 and still in the multi-syllabic “Mahhhhmeeee” phase.) Of course they do occasionally call me “Lady”, because that’s what the dog calls me. Uh… long story.
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Comment by JubanMama.
When I was 2 I started calling my parents by their first names because I was the oldest child and that’s what they called one another. So they started calling each other Mommy and Daddy.
I’m 35 now, and they STILL call each other Mommy and Daddy. No joke. It’s kind of creepy.
Meanwhile, my son calls his father Honey, because that’s what I call him. We think it’s kind of funny, since he’s only 2 1/2. We’re sure in about 10 years we’ll both be called much, much worse.
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Comment by Megan.
It’s all in the tone, It think. The condescending tone in which my near-teenager sometimes says “dad” would make “asshole” an improvement.
He never says mom like that. He values his life.
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Plano Mom Reply:
May 23rd, 2011 at 9:33 am
Er, that’s “Mom” would NOT be cool enough to understand.
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