26 Apr
Here Comes Peter Cottontail! Oh, Wait. It’s My Mom.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Yesterday my younger daughter, who is 7, asked me if the Easter Bunny was real because her lovely classmate informed her it was not. I distracted her and didn’t really answer. I’m not worried about the Easter Bunny so much, but she will then want to know about Santa and I’m not ready for that. But I don’t want her not to trust me. Okay, I realize this is not earth-shattering stuff—but she is my baby. Help!

Signed,

Don’t Kill the Bunny Just Yet

_________________________

Dear Don’t Kill the Bunny,

One of the things we pride ourselves on at The Mouthy Housewives is our punctuality, as evidenced by the fact that I’m answering your Easter bunny question a full two days after Easter. Huzzah!

Therefore, since you probably already worked this out on your own, I’m just going to go put on some fat pants and watch a little Telemundo while…wait. What’s that, Marinka? Either answer this or you and Kelcey will make me take the next 20 “Facebook is ruining my life” questions? And the next 25 “My Mother-in-Law is ruining my life” questions?   And then I have to clean out the Mouthy Housewives horse stables at our East Hampton estate?

Crap.

Alright, here’s my two cents: If your kid is smart enough to open a door without hurting herself, she’s probably already figured out that a magical bunny doesn’t really hide eggs around the world in a single night. (No opposable thumbs, airline blackout dates, he needs to have sex every two minutes—those bunnies have mega issues.)

She probably also suspects that a fat man in a red suit isn’t really able to chimney dive every December 24th, and that’s why her classmate’s announcement planted a seed of doubt in her head. However, since logic has no place when it comes to getting presents, maybe your daughter will still be happy to believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny until she’s 30. (I had a cousin like that.) (She wasn’t allowed to hold sharp objects.)

That’s why I advise you to answer, “He is to me!” when she asks you if Santa’s real. Yes, that’s a little slippery, but it’s not lying and it’ll buy you some time until you’re both ready to to give up this fun, magical part of her childhood.

And then maybe you can finally tell her that Tori Spelling’s boobs aren’t real, either.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

_____________

One of the Friends of the Mouthy Housewives, the wonderful Amy Wilson, just had her book “When Did I Get Like This?” come out in paperback! We all really love this funny book and think you should each buy 10 copies of it. DO IT!

17 Responses to “Here Comes Peter Cottontail! Oh, Wait. It’s My Mom.”

04.26.11#1

Comment by Twinkles.

What I tell my children (I’ve had two batches HAHA) – when you stop believing in the Easter Bunny (or Santa, whatever) he’ll stop coming to see you, and things are never as much fun after that. I’ve got kids in their twenties who still have Santa and the EB visit, because why mess with a winning system?

04.26.11#2

Comment by Albug.

My Mother kept me home from school to help her Spring clean so I would find the Santa suit my Dad wore every year. I was the youngest. I was ten. I think my Dad was tired of the whole thing.
It could have been terribly traumatic for my little soul but my Mother handled it very well. She explained that Santa lived in the hearts of every loving, giving person at Christmas. That all the magical, fairy tale fun was done out of love and that the fun continues as long as we believe in the spirit of Christmas. I was okay with it, and yes the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy went out the window then.
Whenever I’m asked whether Santa ( the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy) exists, I always say, they sure do. I’m not lying, after all, because I’m all three rolled into one.
But I do believe there should be an agreed upon age when these myths are revealed to our children. That way some mouthy kid in the first grade doesn’t ruin it for everyone. Frankly, I think the parents that tell kids under nine that these myths don’t exist are really kill joys that make it hard on all the believers like me.
I’m sure I’ll get flack about this comment, because I always do when
I say these myths live in our hearts. People get really ticked off about it. It’s a touchy subject.

Plano Mom Reply:

That’s what I say! And my 12-year-old still gets into “doing Santa”

Plano Mom Reply:

OMG that didn’t come out right, but I hope you get the idea that I’m right there with you in a non-creepy way.

04.26.11#3

Comment by Angela.

I am very poor at “spinning a tall tail” and keeping things “straight” enough to make it somewhat coherent. When I was asked by my daughter if Santa was real, I told her that Santa was the spirit of anonymous giving that lives in out heart. I then went on and on with examples of generosity that increase over the holiday season and bored her into walking away without ever hearing a yes or no answer.

Kinda like this post 🙂 Hey! Are you still there?

04.26.11#4

Comment by hokgardner.

My oldest found the EB’s stash last week, so we had a talk about how being the easter bunny was one of the great things about being a parent – I get to create magic for my kids. And then we talked about how she gets to help create that magic for her younger siblings. When she rolled her eyes, I told her that if she blew the secret with the little kids, the EB wouldn’t bring her any candy. She loves candy enough that she agreed to keep her mouth shut. And she still had fun hunting eggs and eating her chocolate.

04.26.11#5

Comment by jeanne.

We never told our kids those were real, so there was no trauma later! We never told them Micky, Ariel, and Goofy were real either, and they loved Disney so it never seemed inconsistent. We did the Santa thing knowing it was a really fun game. When they got older they would get emails from Eloise Elf translating their goodness into points and asking what their requests were since Santa had gone digital. We only this year stopped doing Easter baskets, but it was because of the calories, not the game. You can tell them it’s real, tell them it’s a game, tell them it’s a lie – in the end, kids’ make-believe lives carry on quite nicely in spite of the grownups around them

04.26.11#6

Comment by Kelcey, TMH.

I can not believe this is how I found out Tori’s boobs aren’t real. Heartless Aarons.

04.26.11#7

Comment by Cheryl.

No wonder I haven’t gotten a basket in years. I thought the EB was so exhausted from doing that battery ad s/he didn’t have time for the older children on the list.

04.26.11#8

Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

The Easter Bunny (Dean) probably hides a lot of easter eggs in the cavernous space between Tori’s boobs.

I like what Wendi said. I don’t know how to be a dream squasher in a savvy way. I want my kids to believe in all that stuff for as long as possible.

04.26.11#9

Comment by Marinka, TMH.

My son told me this year that he has proof that the Easter Bunny isn’t real. He’s 9. I’m having him tested.

04.26.11#10

Comment by Karin.

our downfall was the toothfairy – we were so terrible about remembering before we went to bed… anwway, my 7 year old first grader announced in a temper tantrum fashion that the Easter Bunny was just us and proceeded to list EXACTLY what she wanted in her basket. It wouldn’t have been so bad except she did this in front of my 4 year old son and niece… in order to keep her quiet, I promised that she can help be the Easter Bunny and took her shopping to buy a present or 2 for the baskets. She then told everyone on Easter morning that she had bought said gifts… she’s great at “playing Easter Bunny”. The one good thing that came out of this is that in the last month or so, she’s no longer afraid of people in costumes.

Now, my 9 year old still claims to believe but she claims a little too fervently. We think she thinks that if she didn’t believe, she’d stop getting presents…

04.26.11#11

Comment by Breann.

I found out Santa wasn’t real by my father leaving the “stocking stuffers” by the recliner. I was all “What’s this!” and Dad ran his hand through his hair with an “oh shit.. those were for your stocking.” I looked at the presents, connected the dots, and moved on.
My mom’s bipolar boyfriend informed me of the Easter Bunny.

Me = Awesome childhood.

04.26.11#12

Comment by Momof4Luds.

When my son was about 9 he asked me if Santa was real. I looked deep in his eyes and said, “Do you REALLY want to know the answer to that question?” He thought about it for a minute, said “Nah” and walked away. He’s now 22 and his siblings range from 13 to 24. The Easter Bunny still comes and has been known to use the US Postal Service to ship to college dorms.

04.27.11#13

Comment by Plano Mom.

We have Santa Claus living in our neighborhood. No lie, we seriously have a professional Santa living 3 doors down. My son, now 12, only stopped believing last year, because he knew without a doubt that Santa lived in Plano and was named Bill, “to fake out the world.” Santa even went so far as to have children and tell his son to “move his ass!” one day, all to keep up the front.

04.27.11#14

Comment by shafeena.

Hahaha ! that is hilarious marinka :D… i think all kids need to believe in something !!

04.27.11#15

Comment by Steph.

Great advice. So the Easter bunny will get to live another year!

Consider Checking Out...