17 Oct
Help! My Babysitter Only Has One Name, Like Cher

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

We have an incredible babysitter. She’s our neighbor’s teenage granddaughter and she is just the sweetest thing. She always plays with the kids and she even washed the dinner dishes one time without being asked. Amazing! Here’s the rub: we have no idea what her last name is. To be honest, we only use her maybe 3 or 4 times a year and our kids are school age, not babies. But it hit me the other day that we’re leaving the kids with someone when we didn’t even know her last name. Does this make us terribly irresponsible parents?


No Name, No Problem?


Dear No Name, No Problem,

As every parent knows, a good babysitter is hard to find. You want someone who’s responsible, dependable, nice to your kids and also on a very strict diet so she won’t eat all of the cheesecake and Dove chocolates you stash in the recycling bin. It can be a tall order.

That’s why it’s no big surprise that you didn’t do your due diligence when you found this young lady. You like her, your kids like her and she’s related to your neighbors—why bother with something as silly as last names? After all, none of the evil babysitters in Lifetime movies have last names. The middle-aged wife usually just sobs something like, “Yes, detective, she stole my Honda Odyssey and my husband! She’s blonde and her name is Madison, that’s all I know! Oh, Gawd, why is this happening?!” and then 40 minutes later, Madison No Last Name Required is in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs and on her way to meet her new prison girlfriend. I’ve seen it a million times.

But if it’s important to you that you find out her surname, here’s a trick you can try: The next time she’s there, tell her you have to pay her via check, then ask her how to spell her last name. There’s a 50/50 chance it’ll be something obvious like, “Smith” and then she’ll think you’re a dumbass, but at least you’ll finally know.

Or, simply tell your kids to find out for you. Maybe they can play a game called, “Census Taker” or “DMV Registration Lady” and have her fill out a form with her information. She won’t be the wiser and, if you’re lucky, you may even get her social security number.

Which will definitely come in handy if she ever drives your minivan to Mexico with your husband.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH


32 Responses to “Help! My Babysitter Only Has One Name, Like Cher”


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Ha! I wrote about the SAME thing (In the Event of My Disappearance…)! I think we all watch too much TV!
I’m totally on board with the DMV Registration Lady game.


Comment by annie.

If somebody’s willing to wash my dishes, I don’t care if I even know their 1st name! That said, maybe it’s time for a game of banana fana fofana using last names.


Comment by Plano Mom.

Tell her you saw someone who looked just like her on the Internet, and ask her if her last name really is “Coochie.”


Comment by Kelly.

Go to http://www.anywho.com. You can search based on address and find their last name. But still tell your kids to play the DMV game. Sounds hilarious!


Comment by Janice.

Well, it seems you’re actually only asking for confirmation if you’re an irresponsible parent or not, and I’d have to know a lot more about you before I passed that judgement. However, if you also actually want to know her last name, just be straight up and ask her or her grandparents. You may consider also getting her parents’ names and contact info in case you ever need to get a hold of them.
And while you’re at it, can you see if she has any cousins that live in my neighborhood? I have some dishes that need to be washed.


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