Don’t Hate Us Because We Are Perfect
This week there’s been a lot of backlash against a British woman who says her life is hard because she is so beautiful. Men buy her things and women hate her. (By the way, does anyone know what “beautiful” means in British? Because we’re guessing it means something different than it does here over the pond.)
But despite the backlash, The Mouthy Housewives must support Samantha, our brave sister in delusion. Because like her, we are also very much despised–both for our beauty and our Domestic Goddess skills. In fact, it’s probably hard for you to imagine what we’ve all had to endure, so we’re providing you with a list.
Read it and weep.
And then get us a box of bon-bons.
HOW BEING PERFECT DOMESTIC GODDESSES HAS MADE OUR LIVES MISERABLE:
The insurance policies on our vacuum cleaners cut into our silver polish budget.
Our poor husbands don’t know WHAT do to when they check into a five-star hotel on business. Those maids and butlers could stand to learn a thing or two from us.
It’s so embarrassing when other mothers come over and realize they’ve been throwing their kids crap birthday parties for years.
Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal are constantly calling us to fact check.
Our immaculately spotless minivan lacks “character” and “edge.”
Constant worry about dangerous slips and falls due to our hardwood floors being cleaned and waxed to perfection.
We bore our friends to death with the tale of how one of us once found a single stray dog hair on the couch cushion back in 1983. Oh, the embarrassment of that day!
The people at Febreeze forever bothering us about how we get our homes to smell so perfect. How do you bottle perfection?
The overwhelming fear of the other mothers that it’s Picture Day at school when we show up with our perfectly polished children.
Dust runs away from us in fear.
Nobody believes us when we tell them that that cracker ass Martha Stewart steals all of our ideas.
Whenever the Merry Maids see us, they become the Crabby Maids.
We have PhD in ironing (that stands for PutTheIronDown, right?)
Our cleaning women just sit and gaze lovingly at our faces instead of doing their jobs.
So, you see? We know exactly how Samantha feels. It’s tough to be so perfect.
So very, very tough. 
11 Responses to “Don’t Hate Us Because We Are Perfect”
Comment by Cheryl.
If one of you could teach me how to make dust run from me in fear, I’d be ever so grateful. At this point in time, it thinks we were meant to spend eternity together.
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Comment by punkaboo.
I’ve decided to move over to Jolly ol’ Britain (they call it that, right?) BECAUSE I would be a goddamned supermodel! Think of all the free bus fares I could have. Yes. Oh yes.
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Comment by Plano Mom.
Bless her heart. If you’re from the South, you know what I’m sayin’.
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Comment by sisterfunkhaus.
Women don’t like her because she is arrogant and narcissistic. There are PLENTY of women far more attractive than her who have lots of friends. She is delusional and ridiculous.
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Comment by MommyTime.
Dust runs away from us in fear. This is completely hilarious!
On a more serious note, though, I do think there is something terribly wrong about all the hatred that’s been heading her way. I actually found myself defending her yesterday.
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Plano Mom Reply:
April 6th, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I agree, no one deserves an attack on their character, even those who don’t appear to have any. But she didn’t take me to the “bless her heart” stage until I read her article about preferring to work for men because she can manipulate them easier.
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Comment by kokopuff.
I viewed that article as a big of a goof. I don’t think anyone was meant to take it seriously…the Daily Mail is a tabloid, after all. They posted it to boost traffic and get some internet buzz. It worked.
But it was funny!
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Comment by Erin@MommyontheSpot.
It is so hard being perfect. I’m thinking my uber clean fridge is costing my potential friendships. It is void of any fridge ornaments such as half-eaten bananas and 10 day old pasta. Not to mention there isn’t any of that gross milk residue coating the shelf. Yep, it’s hard being perfect.
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Comment by Solnyshko.
Another perspective on this article in the Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/apr/04/samantha-brick-thrown-to-wolves
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Comment by Avprobeauty.
What little shite said they had a crap birthday party? Better send them off to the lou to wash out their mouth! Cherrio mates! Barf.
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The Mouthy Housewives respect everyone's opinion, however, if you're attacking other commentors, you will be deleted. And sent to your room until you can play nicely.
Hockey Wife (@HockeyWife_22) Reply:
April 6th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
I’m not from the South but that’s exactly what I was thinking!
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