27 Dec
Call The Exterminators, Honey. We Have Teenagers.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My 15 year old son is very disrespectful. He argues all the time and he lies. I’ve grounded him. I’ve taken everything away. He just doesn’t care. I don’t know what else to do. Are there any other options?

Signed,

Beyond My Wit’s End

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Dear Beyond My Wit’s End,

Unfortunately, it does sound like your home has a full-blown teenager infestation. You could call an exterminator or an exorcist? But once a home has been taken over by these extremely hormonal hominids it can be very difficult to get rid of them until voting age begins and even then it’s not a guarantee. They may even leave only to return at the age of 30.

One tactic you may not have tried yet is to take advantage of the teenager’s strong distaste for embarrassment and their stalwart denial of parental existence. This approach will require you to undergo a bit of a transformation. Nothing says dedicated parental units like a middle-aged Snooki and a 50-year old Biebs showering affection on their teenage son, in public, in full view of hundreds of his “closest” friends and acquaintances. After one of these interactions it’s quite possible to get your son to shape up simply out of fear of a replay.

Another option, although less creative and exciting, can be counseling for the teenager alone and, also for the family together. This can be extremely helpful given that the brain, mainly the cerebral cortex where planning, self-control, and judgment are developed, in a fifteen year old hasn’t yet fully matured (and won’t until the early 20’s…sorry). In short, the main focus of the teenage years is to live through them with minimal damage. This can be helped along by a trained therapist and some bite guards for the parents. Also, wine….lots of wine…for the mom.

Good Luck,

Tonya, TMH

5 Responses to “Call The Exterminators, Honey. We Have Teenagers.”

12.27.11#1

Comment by Plano Mom.

Oldest 20, youngest 13. I’ve been stockpiling meds and booze for a while in preparation.

Plano Mom Reply:

Oh, and the therapist has been happening for a while. Definitely awesome advice on the therapist. They have a magical way of making parents make sense.

12.27.11#2

Comment by bitsy.

WARNING: Parenting teenagers may cause anxiety, depression, excessive sweating, insomnia, exhaustion, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, high blood pressure, sudden cardiac arrest, panic attacks and blurred vision. Women who are pregnant, may become pregnant, or are nursing should not try parenting teenagers. Parenting teenagers is not approved for those with weak stomachs.

I'm a big ol' b with a captial B! Reply:

LOVE THIS. 🙂

04.25.12#3

Comment by Troubled by Tumblr | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] First things first: I’m thoroughly relieved to see that you are approaching this situation with an open mind, love, and acceptance. Without those ingredients your task would be even more daunting and problematic. (As if dealing with a teenager of any kind isn’t daunting and problematic enough to begin with.) […]

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