31 Aug
And This Year’s Sleezy Award Goes To…

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I am a divorced mother of a 3-and-a-half-year-old son and a 19-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.  I left my ex-husband when my son was a year old because of multiple Anthony Weiner-style indiscretions.

However, I am now very happily re-married to a wonderful man and am pregnant! Needless to say, my ex is still single and he has been continually nasty ever since I began my relationship with my now husband. He takes small issues and turns them into arguments that last for days, he screams at me over the phone and sends horrible text messages or emails over what amounts to petty issues. Here is an example: He refuses to call any other number besides my cell even though he has all my other numbers. Because of this I have missed speaking with my son when he is with his father. This is especially a problem when I work in the evenings, because I have to keep my phone on vibrate. How do I handle this?

Signed,

Mrs. Blissfully Happy – except for being divorced from Anthony Weiner’s nasty cousin Asshole Weiner

____________________________________________________________

Dear Blissfully Happy,

What the &%$#?! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I have to say I blacked out there for a bit due to the overwhelming odor of your ex’s douchebaggery. I’m fine now thanks to my smelling salts or, er, Jack Daniels. (Same difference.) Now, I have to wonder: Is your ex trying to win The Asshole Limbo Contest? Past winners include Michael Lohan, Mel Gibson, and Ike Turner. The top prize being a Cuisinart blender and a Chicken Soup for the Asshole Soul encyclopedia set.

While he may soon be the proud owner of a new kitchen appliance, I’m not quite sure that is going to help your ex’s manipulative and controlling manner. And, quite frankly, I don’t know that there is a whole lot you can do to get him to be more of a human being based on his past behavior. You could try to talk to him, explaining that it hurts your son when the toddler doesn’t get a chance to talk to his mommy. It’s important to keep the best interests of the child at the forefront of every interaction that takes place. Perhaps, your ex will choose the happiness of his child over the chance to make his ex’s life hell?

It’s obvious from your leaving him in the first place that you realize the only way to deal with a bully is do what you can to take care of yourself and your family. For the moment is it possible to speak with your supervisor and let him/her know that when your son is with your ex you will need to answer your cell phone? Or is there a way you can schedule an exact time for your son and ex to call you and then you can have your cell phone in hand and ready? This will at least help you have a chance to speak with your little boy for now.

However, I’m still quite concerned about how limber your ex may be (continuing the limbo gag here) and the lengths he may go to sabotage your connection with your son. His jealous, mean-spirited behavior is not healthy for you and, most importantly, NOT for your child. If he continues to leave hurtful messages, send ill-spirited emails, or take out his anger out on you I would suggest that it is high time you got his visits supervised. Contact your local family law court. Abuse of any kind should not be tolerated. And you definitely don’t want your child to learn this kind of negative behavior.

Good Luck!

Signed,

Tonya, TMH

13 Responses to “And This Year’s Sleezy Award Goes To…”

08.31.11#1

Comment by The Flying Chalupa.

Way to lay down the smack, Tonya!

I always approve of the term “douchebaggery” – however, dealing with said douchebag has got to suck. I agree, maybe Mrs. Blissfully Happy should get a 3rd party in to bring this guy down a notch.

08.31.11#2

Comment by Cate8.

He must be related to my ex. He also lives to make my life hellish.

08.31.11#3

Comment by Karin.

ugh! OP, I feel so bad for you but have no advice. Hope it gets better over time and that your child isn’t scarred for life b/c of the ex’s behavior.

08.31.11#4

Comment by Tinne from T and T.

He what…!
Great advice.
Should you find it necessary to take him to court you should start collecting evidence of his douchebaggery so that you can prove that the abuse has been going on for a length of time.

Plano Mom Reply:

Exactly what I was going to say. Buy a notebook, write down the exact time and date and circumstances for each interaction, including what you said or did. It is invaluable in court, and most importantly for any court-appointed psychological counseling.

Plano Mom Reply:

And it can mean the difference between full custody and shared custody, should it come to that.

08.31.11#5

Comment by VG.

You should talk to my Uncle, b/c his ex is a flippin’ PSYCHO! Bat-shit to the point where she physically attack him, while he had his baby girl in his arms from his 2nd marriage – IN FRONT OF my “new” Aunt.
Don’t like it get to that point! Nip this shit in the bud and get yourself down to Family Court ASAP

08.31.11#6

Comment by rojopaul.

My ex-SIL and current BIL have a set time (8 p.m. or shortly before bed time) that their daughter must call the other spouse. It avoids missing calls and keeps things a little better between them. Unfortunately, a jerk is always a jerk, so you’re pretty stuck dealing with him. I feel for you and your child too. Try to take the high road and your son will eventually see as he gets older what’s going on. In the meantime, I agree wholeheartedly with keeping copious notes of issues with the ex. Date, time and issue. Then when you have to go back to court you are armed and ready.

Meredith L. Reply:

“Try to take the high road and your son will eventually see as he gets older what’s going on.”

Hopefully, but not necessarily. My uncle and his ex had a messy divorce and he got royally screwed of paternity rights. My ex-aunt is a manipulative beyotch who used her custody of their child to brainwash my cousin, who has grown up to hate her father. All he ever did was try to see her and spend time with her.

Unfortunately this isn’t the only example of kids picking up from their parents’ hideous behavior in my family. Once, when she was about 7 or 8 years old, another cousin said, “Oh no, it’s you!” when our grandfather walked into the room because everyone had been talking smack about him.

We don’t know what this woman’s ex is telling the kid when they can’t reach her on her cell phone, or what he’s saying to him other times. I agree with the PPs that she should keep a log of every interaction with him, and perhaps seek a way to revise his custody arrangements, at least for a while.

08.31.11#7

Comment by Wendi.

Girlfriend speaks THE TROOF.

09.01.11#8

Comment by Marnie.

Thanks for all the advice. You will be happy to know that my ex has apologized for his behavior and has been much better about calling and communicating with me when he has our son. (We have a set time, by the way, but if I don’t hear my phone on vibrate, he refused to answer my return calls, even if they were within 5 minutes of our 9p call time) This improvement is as a direct consequence of his new relationship (read: getting laid). I do not expect this situation to last as I have received this apology before (http://mindingmarnie.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/dear-ahole/ and http://mindingmarnie.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/if-an-apology-is-given-over-and-over-for-the-same-repeated-problem-does-it-make-any-sound/), but at this point I will take what I can get. I have been keeping track as best I can of these issues and should they continue or escalate I will take legal action.

My husband and I hope that we can mitigate any damage the douche influence may have on my son over the years. I know there are plenty of others who deal with much worse, so I try to keep that in mind and be as responsible a mother as I can. Hearing your encouraging and supportive words helps immensely.

Tonya Reply:

Marnie,
Thanks for writing in and then for updating us! Glad to hear that you’re keeping records of all the behavior too. Good luck with him!
xo,
Tonya

07.26.13#9

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