30 Dec
The Evil Ways of a Future Auntie-In-Law

At this point in the holiday season, you probably have had it with your own relatives. Must your uncle Bob eat cranberry sauce with his fingers ever year?   So here’s a post from The Mouthy Housewives’ archives, that is sure to make you once again appreciate your own family.

Dear TMH,

My fiance went to West Virginia to visit his family and go on a hunting trip. I got a call a few days later from his aunt, who frequently refers to me as ‘damaged goods’, saying he had been killed in a hunting accident.

I went up there to help take care of things, and when I arrived, I was met by his mother, who took me to the hospital to see him. He had a gunshot to the leg, but was otherwise in perfect health. I’m supposed to become part of this family, when clearly, I’m not wanted there. What can I do about this aunt who will stop at nothing to keep me away?

Signed,

Who’s Damaged Here?

_____________________________________

Dear Who’s Damaged Here?,

She told you your fiancé was dead?! Seriously? Let me tell you that it takes a lot to shut up a Mouthy Housewife, but I am momentarily struck completely speechless by the vicious behavior of this aunt. That woman is SERIOUSLY disturbed.   But because I refuse to waste any energy on the completely insane (I gave up on my dog a very long time ago), let’s focus on what you can do.

You need to immediately have a candid conversation with your very much alive fiancé about his commitment to you. If this guy truly loves you and respects you, he will deal with Miss Aunt Cruella de Vil. He needs to let his aunt know that her behavior is completely unacceptable and you are the love of his life. She must immediately shape up or she will be cut out of your lives completely.

If he is unable to immediately defend your honor, cut this guy loose. Crazy in-laws are forever. I had a friend who once put that bumper sticker on the back of her car.

My final advice is to buy your fiancé a damn cell phone. I can only assume he doesn’t have one or why the hell would he not call you after getting shot in the leg?!! I would call my husband just to complain that the woods were a bit buggy. Maybe the reception sucks there. But I think at that point, even Bambi and her deer posse have found a cell network that works in the deep forest.

Good luck to you, and please don’t ever give your future aunt-in-law my email address. I’m paranoid enough without the likes of her scaring the holy crap out of me with her crazy lies.

Love,

Kelcey, TMH

5 Responses to “The Evil Ways of a Future Auntie-In-Law”

12.30.09#1

Comment by Plano Mom.

It’s the second time I’ve read this letter and it still freaks me out.

12.30.09#2

Comment by Mandy.

That has GOT to be a fake letter. Seriously. Tell me it’s fake.

12.30.09#3

Comment by amy.

She told her he was DEAD?! Seriously whacked.

01.02.10#4

Comment by GrandeMocha.

WOW! My SIL told me she and the other Twisted Sisters would do ANYTHING to keep my husband from marrying me but they never told me he was dead.

01.05.10#5

Comment by boliath.

I remember reading this the first time and being deeply shocked, now that you have posted it again I need to know what happened. Could you ask Ms. Damaged Goods to give us an update?

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