28 Oct
The Baby Pressure Is On

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have an issue with my kids.   The kids I don’t have yet.   Well, that’s the problem.   I don’t have them yet.   We’ve been married for a year now and we are not planning on having children until the end of the Obama administration or the advent of socialized health care, whichever takes longer. This is an unmitigated disaster for my mom who doesn’t understand that as much as we want to carry on the proud family tradition, we are just emotionally and financially not ready.

“You were totally unplanned,” she says as I try to explain that once you have a kid you can’t go to India or advance as much in your job. How do I get her to stop being all up in my ovaries for the next few years?

Vexed Vicki


Dear Vexed Vicki,

How old are you Miss Vexed Vicki? Are you in your twenties? If so, then kick back, drink some sangria and enjoy the good life of 10 hours of sleep a night. Are you in your thirties? Well, then you might not want to wait for socialized health care in this country, or maybe it’s time to move to Canada, because us ladies can’t have babies forever. No, that’s a special honor given to men, along with higher wages for equal work. But I don’t want to get all riled up here. Let’s focus on babies.

Now when I first got married, I had barely finished stuffing every last remnant of wedding cake in my face when everyone started asking, “So when are you going to have a baby?” And truthfully, as much as I wanted a family, I was never going to be ready. Because how does one truly prepare themselves for sleepless nights, nauseating poop situations and a lifetime of worry? You can’t. You’ll never be emotional prepared. And you’ll never have enough money. One day, you just decide to take the plunge. That’s why babies are insanely cute. Or else it wouldn’t be worth it.

Of course, it’s completely up to you and your husband when you decide to start a family. And no one (including your mom) should pressure you into anything.   Because she won’t be there at 2 am when that insanely cute pain in the arse won’t stop crying. So tell you mom that you are waiting for a couple of years. Let her rant, beg and plead. Then buy her a puppy, name him “grandchild” and tell her the case is closed for now.

Then go take that trip to India. Because once you’re preggers, that ain’t happening for awhile. A long while.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

11 Responses to “The Baby Pressure Is On”


Comment by momcat.

My daughter just turned 22 and has kids already. My grandkids are bunnies, Thumper and Hoppy and I’m more than happy for that to remain as it is for as long as she wants. Having children should always be a personal decision because the effort it takes to raise another human being shouldn’t be based on the desire to please someone else.


Comment by The Good Cook.

“When we decide it’s time” is the only answer EVER someone needs to give to a totally obnoxious question as “When are you going to have children”… geez.


Comment by christy.

I feel so lucky that no one in my family ever bothered us about when we were going to have kids. And then when we did decide we wanted them, I wish we hadn’t told people – because it wasn’t as easy as 1,2,3. So be careful — when you do decide, you might not want to announce to the world until you’re actually pregnant. 2nd trimester pregnant!


Comment by GrandeMocha.

Tell them not until people stop bugging you. Tell them it makes you NEVER want kids. Because if you did it now, it would be just to please them & IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU!


Comment by Ams.

It confuses me why anyone in their right mind thinks they actually have a right to ask this question.

Tell them Never. Then if you decide you want them it will be a pleasant, quaint little surprise.



Comment by Pollyanna.

Fortunately, my family never really bugged us about kids (even though we were married almost five years before the first one came out). That said, my poor father maybe should have asked for the grandkids to be spread out a little more. He currently has eight grand-daughters under the age of six!


Comment by Marinka.

I used to tell my mother that I was a lesbian. That was before I realized that lesbians can have children. Clearly, I was not ready for motherhood. You need to know that lesbians can have children before you can have them yourselves.


Comment by Amber in Albuquerque.

Maybe if you pretend to have “invisible children” (like invisible friends) people will stop asking…just a thought.


Comment by Friday Comic and Friday Links! | Vicki Boykis.

[…] Friday Comic and Friday Links! It’s baby fever time in the family! […]


Comment by Emily.

I have a totally different opinion about all this. I think it’s perfectly fine for a loving mom to ask her daughter when she is planning to have children.

I know it’s very american for children to leave home and go to college and then to have their own lives and forget that parents (if they were good parents) sacrificed 20 years of their lives to raise that child – very selfish indeed.

Plus, I strongly believe that nothing in life (career advancement, travel etc.) can come anywhere near raising a little person and watching him/her turn into an adult. I do talk to my son about all this (he is only 14) and explain to him that when you wait too long to have children then you end up not having enough time to enjoy your grandchildren and end up being too old to have energy for children and grandchildren. God only knows what my son will decide to do when he is older but at least he know how we feel about it.


Comment by Steph.

Just tell her that talking/thinking about babies is a HUGE mojo-killer for you so her nagging is counterproductive.

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