29 Sep
Take the Low Road or the Very Low Road?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My mom is one of 7 children and I am one of the oldest of many cousins. Three times now, one of my aunts has hosted a family celebration at her home and not invited my sister and me. We are the only ones not invited and the only ones with small children. This same aunt visited my house and brought a gift after my younger child was born and comes to every party that I host (Christenings, 1st birthdays, summer parties) and has a great time!

To some degree, I can understand not wanting to have small children at your home. Ironically, her son was the worst behaved of all the grandchildren when he was younger. However, her rudeness drives us nuts. My son’s 1st birthday party is coming up and I’m not sure how to handle the situation.   Invite her or make a statement and purposefully exclude her?

Sincerely,

Sick of Being Left Out

____________________________

Dear Sick of Being Left Out,

First of all, your aunt is very rude and just know, The Mouthy Housewives have your back if there’s some kind of showdown over this. It appears that your aunt is suffering from Childmessaphobia. Never heard of it? I guess you’re not a doctor. Lucky for you my DVR is stuffed full of medical dramas and I can fill you in. I practically convinced myself I was a paramedic during that long “ER” run.

Childmessaphobia is a condition where your aunt’s love of children diminishes the closer those children get to her white rugs, silk flowers and family china. So she loves your kids plenty in your home but that adoration vanishes completely once those very same kids are running like crazy bandits through her own house.

In regards to your son’s first birthday party, you have three options.

1. Do not invite your aunt to the party. I mean, why should you constantly host her rude arse if she isn’t gracious enough to include you in family celebrations?!

2. Invite her for the day after the party and when she gets there, apologize for the mix-up, offer her a piece of day old cake and then ask if she can watch the kids for a few hours while you run to the gym.

3. Call her on the phone and tell her how you feel about the whole situation. This is probably the most mature thing to do. It could result in a new understanding of each other and a renewed relationship. Or you may get so angry that you go all Serena on her and threaten to shove a ball down her throat. It’s a gamble.

In the end, remember that this is about your family and your son’s birthday. Not her. So do what will bring you the most calmness and happiness on that day.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

This week on The Mouthy Housewives, we are giving away a simply divine diaper bag from Baby Star. It’s so gorgeous, you don’t even need a baby to use it. Trust me, the other moms will be silently stewing in envy. Click here to find out about the giveaway and how to enter.

15 Responses to “Take the Low Road or the Very Low Road?”

09.29.09#1

Comment by Julie B..

I once kept a small elephant in a diaper bag. Not a real one..duh..how the heck would that fit? Love that diaper bag! Green is my FAV color!!!

09.29.09#2

Comment by Wendi.

Wait–what was that part about the Mouthy Housewives having her back? Does that mean I should start working out in case we have to go rough up the mean Aunt?

09.29.09#3

Comment by morninglight mama.

Oh, the joys of family ties. In some ways, it ain’t all that bad living 8 hours away from your extended family…

And, I would so love to enter the coolest diaper bag ever giveaway! What’s the strangest thing I’ve ever carried? Hmmmm… I think I carted around a used poopy diaper for a couple days (thankfully tied up in a grocery bag, but still!) before I noticed it. Yuck.

09.29.09#4

Comment by smilingmama.

That diaper bag is awesome! Oh, man, how many random things have made their way into my diaper bags in the past? MANY! I carried an old, broken cell phone for a while so my son could be on the phone just like mommy.

09.29.09#5

Comment by Aludra.

I probably wouldn’t do this, but I would day dream about calling her and saying,

“Oh I’m just so busy and I *hear* that you throw the best parties, and I just love your home, would you mind hosting Billy-Joe’s 1st birthday party for him as his gift? It’d be such a blessing! Oh and btw he LOVE Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and has 12 other playmates between ages 1 and 5 that just HAVE to be invited. Oh you’re the best Aunt ever I just know he’ll love it! Thanks bunches.”

09.29.09#6

Comment by Darth-O.

I cleaned out my kid’s bag the other day and found one of those soft spoons you use with infants. Next month, my kid turns 4.

I have the same problem with my family. They love my kid, just not in their homes. If possible, definitely take the more mature route. It’s just too bad the mature approach doesn’t work with my family.

09.29.09#7

Comment by emilywardid.

I cleaned out my bag and found hemroid ointment. I don’t have hemroids. Neither does my husband or any of my children. I decided the butt fairy must have left it. I mentioned it to my best friend the next time I was at her house. She laughed so hard she almost fell off her couch and told me her husband was missing his cream. Awesome.

09.29.09#8

Comment by Heather.

Look, I haven’t been doing the 30 Day Shred for nothing. I’m fully prepared to have our readers back. I have much experience with rude aunts AND I have sculpted thighs.

09.29.09#9

Comment by Heather.

I have to wonder if there was some sort of catastrophe that occurred at Old Aunt Bitty’s house. Not that that would justify eliminating a family member, or two, from a gathering…just wondering. In any case, I suggest getting Mom on board. Unless you’re like I am and have no qualms about calling someone, anyone, and saying “WTF?”. I think if your mother intervened on you and your sister’s behalf, you may be getting somewhere. In my large family, there are gatherings that are small (birthday parties) and not everyone is invited. These gatherings are reserved for grandparents and select aunts/uncles that are very close to the birthday kid. I take no offense in not being included in these gatherings, ok, sometimes I’m relieved. However, for the big stuff, holidays or christenings, whatever, I would be offended, it’s not nice. If there were a particular event, (like your kid took a boxcutter to Aunt Bitty’s Monet), that may have started this particular rudeness, then I think that should be addressed first. Just saying.
I’m totally up for joining TMH “got your back” posse though.

09.29.09#10

Comment by K.

You should totally invite her to your son’s birthday party. She seems like somebody who might consider being in a room full one one years old to be punishment enough (and I mean that with love as the mother of a wild, two year old).

09.29.09#11

Comment by Julie.

The funniest thing I ever kept in my bag? Probably a pair of my own undies. (go ahead… use your imagination on that one).

I’d totally invite her to the next party. You know, sweeten it with sugar and be so super nice. And I’d definitely ask all about the parties you missed. “Oh! that just sounds like a great time. And the decor sounds fab. Gosh, I so wish I could have seen it.”

09.29.09#12

Comment by Katherine.

I recently cleaned out my diaper bag and found 5 nightlights and a small flashlight. It would appear I am afraid of the dark…..really afraid.

09.30.09#13

Comment by Speedygirl.

I once found a box of condoms in my diaper bag. No idea how they got there, especially since having an infant should be enough birth control by itself! Not to mention I have never used condoms. It actually freaked me out enough that I started using a different bag!

Oh, as for the Aunt, I would try the high road. Although some of the other suggestions sound much more fun!!

10.01.09#14

Comment by cheated cousin.

Similarly, my brother and I are the oldest cousins, by nearly a decade. And although he married late, I married in my early twenties. Most of my aunts and uncles barely gifted either of us at graduation from HS or college, and my wedding gifts from them were meager. A few symbolic $20 bills, a few smaller bills. Baby gifts were similar, if any.

As my cousins hit the adult gift receiving milestones, I happily chose things off registries and mailed them off. So glad they were grown up with me! But, when my kids began hitting those milestones, there came to be a family consensus that great nieces and nephews were ‘too far removed’ to expect more than a nice card. It is ‘not necessary’ to send baby gifts to second-cousins on the way, though I’ve been doing this for a while already–can you at least return those as ‘hand me downs’?

Now, I know one must never expect gifts. But still, I feel a bit cheated. I gave all my cousins gifts, having not received any ‘from’ them, just from their parents. But, their parents don’t want to gift my kids, even though, 30 years ago, they mostly didn’t give me anything either. Neither do my cousins want to gift my kids, even those who have received wedding and baby gifts from me, as well as my parents.

Plus, I used to have to babysit for free.

10.05.09#15

Comment by Julie B..

Heather-Well when I was 5 I did break something in her bathroom..but seriously, no – my older daughter and all of my sister’s children have been to her house before. In my original question (which was WAY to wordy) I gave a little more background. She hosts out of laziness for not wanting to travel to my grandparents and makes everyone bring stuff to her house – I have always done this with no problem. Her excuse to my other aunt was, well it gets so expensive. Problem is, both holidays/gatherings that she hosted were to celebrate my grandparents and we were the ONLY grandchildren living in the area not there. My grandparents didn’t even know all the background bitchiness at first and though we just didn’t care enough to be there. Luckily they do know know. After all of this and part of the reason I had the question to begin with is my mom and my fav aunt both swore that they would never invite her to their homes again because they had just had enough. However, not 2 weeks later my mom had a labor day party and invited her. My fav aunt was furious at my mom for caving…but now I find myself in the same situation. I really couldn’t give 2 shits about my rude aunt. I’ve never really liked her that much, but “family” is very important to me. I’m thinking I’m just not going to invite the aunts with older children except for the 2 that I’m the closest with.

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