Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Valentine’s Day is coming up and naturally, I’m still single. I was asked to a Valentine’s dinner with all other single women and it’s a good friend of mine so I feel obligated to go. But honestly, I find it very depressing to sit around with a bunch of single women on Valentine’s day. How do I get out of this without hurting her feelings?
Is it February 14th again?
Dear February 14th,
I’m all for a single girls’ night out. On any night BESIDES Valentine’s Day. First of all, there is no safe haven on Valentine’s Day. Every restaurant, every movie theater, even every 7-11 is packed with doey-eyed couples. And you should not have to stare at some boyfriend/girlfriend sharing a cherry slurpee while groping each other.
Because before you know it, you’ll be drunk on Valentine’s Day candy, tracking down that guy on Facebook you blew off years ago because he just smelled weird, just so you can go on a date. It won’t be pretty.
So don’t go out.
Even if your friend is having everyone over to her house, it’s still not a good idea. Because you just know you’ll have to make a quick stop for gas and of course you’ll run into your ex. Who’s driving a Lexus. With his girlfriend in the passenger seat. Who happens to be a swimsuit model.
A single girl can not undergo that kind of stress.
So just explain to your friend that you’d love do a dinner thing very soon (and put a date on the calendar) but you’d rather pretend Valentine’s Day is not happening at all. Then stay at home, order in some sushi and watch “The Hangover.” Go to bed early and it will all be over.
And one of these days, you will be running around town and you’ll need to stop for gas. And suddenly you’ll meet a really cute single guy who’s filling up his BMW. Turns out, he’s just the kind of guy that you can imagine sharing a slurpee.
And all of a sudden you’ll be the girl getting roses on Valentine’s Day. Except by that point, you won’t care anymore because you’ve got a great new boyfriend and Valentine’s Day is just a stupid, commercial holiday.
Wishing you a happy February 15th!