Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am a single twenty-something woman who has recently taken interest in a single twenty-something man. He’s smart, funny, sensitive (he cried harder than I did at the end of Toy Story 3), good-looking…you know, everything an awesome girl like me deserves in her life’s companion.
The only problem is I hardly ever see him. I want to woo him into knowing that we would be a great couple, but how can I do this if we never spend any time together? How can I orchestrate spending time with him without seeming desperate, too forward, and/or creepy-stalkerish? I’ve had my share of heartbreak and am tired of losing on the battlefield that is love (holla, Pat Benatar). Thanks a million!
Make That Man Mine
Dear Make That Man Mine,
The answer is really staring you right in the face. The next time you two are together, distract him with a phony story about a mouse in your attic, while he goes to investigate, temporarily borrow his iPhone, locate his daily calendar, upload it to your phone, and then occasionally run into him at his business meetings, the barber shop and his doctors’ appointments. Boy, will he be surprised to see you in the urologist’s waiting room. You’ll be walking down the wedding aisle in no time!
Or maybe not. Here’s the one thing I learned in many, many, many years of dating or maybe just watching He’s Just Not Into You too many times, if a guy is interested in you, you’ll know it. You won’t have to track him down because you’ll already be spending time with him.
But if you are truly convinced this is the man for you and want to weep with him at animated movies for the rest of your living years, you can casually show you’re interested. Send him an email that says, “Hey, I was thinking of catching Yogi Bear this week, do you want to go?” Now if you want to improve your chances of him saying yes, you might want to pick a less excruciating movie. If he responds positively, with an “Absolutely!” or “I can’t because I’m traveling but let’s do a movie next week,” then you are on your way. If he doesn’t respond or makes up a vague excuse, move on.
I once spent six months dating a guy who never even saw my apartment. Whenever we had plans, I had to go to his place to pick him up. He was that lazy. And obviously, not that into me. I finally got a clue and told him that if he wanted to keep dating, he needed to pick me up at my front door. Yeah, that never happened. And thank goodness. Because my future husband turned up soon after. And the same thing will sooner or later happen for you.