05 Jan
I’m Single. You’re Single. Why Aren’t We Dating?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I am a single twenty-something woman who has recently taken interest in a single twenty-something man. He’s smart, funny, sensitive (he cried harder than I did at the end of Toy Story 3), good-looking…you know, everything an awesome girl like me deserves in her life’s companion.

The only problem is I hardly ever see him. I want to woo him into knowing that we would be a great couple, but how can I do this if we never spend any time together? How can I orchestrate spending time with him without seeming desperate, too forward, and/or creepy-stalkerish? I’ve had my share of heartbreak and am tired of losing on the battlefield that is love (holla, Pat Benatar). Thanks a million!

Signed,

Make That Man Mine

____________________________

Dear Make That Man Mine,

The answer is really staring you right in the face. The next time you two are together, distract him with a phony story about a mouse in your attic, while he goes to investigate, temporarily borrow his iPhone, locate his daily calendar, upload it to your phone, and then occasionally run into him at his business meetings, the barber shop and his doctors’ appointments.   Boy, will he be surprised to see you in the urologist’s waiting room.   You’ll be walking down the wedding aisle in no time!

Or maybe not. Here’s the one thing I learned in many, many, many years of dating or maybe just watching He’s Just Not Into You too many times, if a guy is interested in you, you’ll know it. You won’t have to track him down because you’ll already be spending time with him.

But if you are truly convinced this is the man for you and want to weep with him at animated movies for the rest of your living years, you can casually show you’re interested. Send him an email that says, “Hey, I was thinking of   catching Yogi Bear this week, do you want to go?” Now if you want to improve your chances of him saying yes, you might want to pick a less excruciating movie.   If he responds positively, with an “Absolutely!” or “I can’t because I’m traveling but let’s do a movie next week,” then you are on your way. If he doesn’t respond or makes up a vague excuse, move on.

I once spent six months dating a guy who never even saw my apartment. Whenever we had plans, I had to go to his place to pick him up. He was that lazy. And obviously, not that into me. I finally got a clue and told him that if he wanted to keep dating, he needed to pick me up at my front door. Yeah, that never happened. And thank goodness. Because my future husband turned up soon after. And the same thing will sooner or later happen for you.

Good luck!

Kelcey, TMH

16 Responses to “I’m Single. You’re Single. Why Aren’t We Dating?”

01.05.11#1

Comment by Tracie.

I feel pretty secure in saying this, if a man will agree to sit through the horror that is Yogi Bear with you…he is DEFINITELY into you.

01.05.11#2

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

I totally agree with Kelcey: if you have to think up ways to make him interested in you, this means he is NOT into you at all and you’ll only waste your time, while your self-esteem sinks ever lower.
Get along with your life and you’ll meet the man of your dreams: this one is not.

01.05.11#3

Comment by Becky.

I totally agree. If you have to lead him to believe you will be a great couple you are most likely wasting your time, because if it is meant to be, he won’t have to be hit over the head to realize what a great catch you are!

01.05.11#4

Comment by Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up).

Ok…that was hilarious. I dated plenty of losers that I had to do all the work (and no, I don’t mean being on TOP). If he wants you, he will pursue you. Now I kinda wish I needed some advice. I’m going to put on my thinking cap and come up with some sweet questions. Can’t wait!

01.05.11#5

Comment by Bean.

Are you sure he’s not gay?

HealthyGirlGuiltyPast Reply:

My thoughts EXACTLY!

“He’s smart, funny, sensitive (he cried harder than I did at the end of Toy Story 3), good-looking…”

You had me at straight until the crying at a cartoon.

Either way, Kelcey’s excellent counsel should send you in the right direction.

Good luck

Momof4Luds Reply:

Hey hey hey now, I happen to be married to a wonderful, definitely straight man who always cries more easily at movies than I do. And, have you SEEN Toy Story 3? It would take a heart of stone to be unmoved. I’m just sayin’.

01.05.11#6

Comment by Skchord.

Another thought…he could be into you but shy when it comes to dating. Or, he could be in another relationship already. I sparked things with my husband when we met one night at a restaurant bar. I had to put some work in, but it paid off and we’ve been together for over 8 years now. 🙂 Good luck!

01.05.11#7

Comment by Wendi.

I don’t have any advice. I just feel bad for Kelcey that she watched “He’s Just Not That Into You” more than once.

01.05.11#8

Comment by annie.

Gotta agree with Kelsey and the others. If he’s into you, you’ll know.

Can I also add that Mr. Right will probably show up when you stop really looking? I was totally hating men when my mr wonderful (of 20 years) walked into my bar and asked me out. And no, I didn’t work at Cheers.

Nilzed Reply:

Yep spent an evening commiserating with a girlfriend about her boufried who made fin of married couplesmat her sister’s wedding. She’d decided she was gonna have to break up if he was that scared of commitment. We also drank to my lack of a boyfriend. We then went to a party even though we only knew the girls hosting as ‘the girl upstairs’ & ‘her new roommate’.

I met my husband of 19 years that night. And it turned out her boyfriend was protesting too obviously: he’d bought a ring already and planned on proposing. But he wanted to also present the home he’d been DIY remodeling so they could decorate and furnish it together. That project had been set back and instead of Christmashe waited til Valentines day to propose.

01.05.11#9

Comment by Angela.

I hated all the if-he-spent-time-with-me-he’d-know-how-great-we’d-be-together stuff when I unexpected re-entered the dating world a few years ago. I planned more ‘accidental’ run ins than I care to admit.

My husband of now one year entered the scene after I had been on a dating haitus to cleanse myself from the nonsense. Met on a Friday. That night he asked me out for Saturday (the next day). On Saturday he wanted to see if I was free for lunch on Wednesday and if he could also see me that weekend. Three months later he asked if he could introduce me to his friends as his girlfriend (Not yet, but thanks for asking!) and a year later we were married.

You’ll know. And you’ll be so glad you aren’t with the guy who didn’t have enough enthusiasm to pursue you.

01.05.11#10

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Honestly, Kelcey, the whole “mouse in the attic” thing had me thinking that you were going to advise her to take him prisoner in the attic. I think I need more sleep.

Lisa Reply:

Me, too!

01.05.11#11

Comment by vodka tonic.

But it sorta sucks to be defeatist before even trying. Make one good attempt, and ask him out. It’s possible he’s completely clueless.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” -The Great One, Wayne Gretzky

01.06.11#12

Comment by Patty.

I met my first husband two months after a bad break up. That went well — NOT. However, I then took an 11-year moratorium on men because clearly I was clueless about men, and I didn’t want my daughter to get any wrong ideas. Hah. Years later, I met the love of my life online. I even sent him a picture of me as I was — overweight, wearing a tee shirt and sweat pants, with gray hair and glasses and a martini. He sent me one of him, overweight, 48 years old with a Mohawk (I can’t do it justice). Here we are, almost 10 years later, happy as clams and complete slobs. He ditched the Mohawk, I hit the salon periodically, but the hair is still gray and he is still crazy. The moral of this story is — love comes when it comes, and more often than not, you won’t be ready for it. Grab it anyway.

Consider Checking Out...