28 Jul
Help Control Bridezilla

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m the Maid of Honor for my darling little sister’s wedding. She is the definition of Bridezilla – plans change on a daily (hourly?) basis. The wedding is next summer, a sort of semi-destination wedding, about 50 miles away at the shore.

My problem? The wedding guest list is only about 30 people with dinner at a restaurant afterward. But an engagement party is already set for the fall, with a guest list of 100 people. And there may be a “reception” a few weeks after the wedding, again with a guest list of 100 people.

Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but isn’t it rude/tacky/greedy/impolite to pretty much tell people that they’re good enough to come to a party and give you a present, but not good enough to be a guest at your actual wedding?

Signed,

Sister of the Bridezilla

______________________________________

Dear Sister of the Bridezilla,

As I read your question, a wave of sweet nostalgia washed over me when I remembered my own outrageous demands for my wedding day. Although, I still contend that the peacock feather headbands were enormously flattering on every one of my bridesmaids.

Now many a bride has dreamed of a small ceremony. I know I did, but unfortunately, I married a guy who has more relatives than the population of Pittsburgh.   And it did get a bit tedious introducing myself over and over again to guests at my own wedding reception. So I understand your sister’s wishes. But I also completely understand your desire to be polite and gracious.

It is absolutely acceptable to have an incredibly small wedding and throw a kick arse party for everyone else a few weeks later. I mean, let’s be honest here. No one goes to a wedding to hear those long winded, sappy vows. They come for the music, the alcohol and the lamb chop hors d’oeuvres.

So if the couple throws two great parties (an engagement and post wedding party), it’s fine to have a tiny wedding.   Just make sure to stress that the couple is having a very small destination ceremony (don’t mention numbers) and saving their money for a big blow-out after the “I do’s” (don’t let them skimp on the party).   And trust me, your guests will drink more in Absolut vodka at those parties than they spent on that vase they bought from Crate & Barrel for the happy couple.

If you still feel uncomfortable with this scenario, you could try to convince your sister to invite everyone to the ceremony. But just because it’s 50 miles away, don’t think everyone will send their regrets. People have a way of showing up when you don’t want them to.

And in the end, this is her wedding. Years from now, you can both laugh over her Bridezilla tendencies. Unfortunately, that time is not now.

Good luck sista of the bride.

Love,

Kelcey, TMH

10 Responses to “Help Control Bridezilla”

07.28.09#1

Comment by Jen.

That’s a tough one. I see both sides of the argument. But, at the end of the day it is the bride’s decision. You could get the groom involved but let’s be honest, he really has no say or involvement until the I do’s. Good luck.

07.28.09#2

Comment by Katie.

Jen? Hello?

“…he really has no say or involvement until the I do’s.”

Errr…..as if to imply he has a say in anything AFTER the I do’s?? 😉

*snickers*

07.28.09#3

Comment by Amber in Albuquerque.

Uh…I’ve said it before (not here) and I’ll say it again (here)…perhaps it would be best to keep Bridezilla focused on what is truly important–the marriage, not the wedding. Contrary to what “the bridal industry” wants single women to belive 1) it’s NOT all about you and 2) you are NOT entitled to nuptials fitting for the only daughter of a mafia don. Have a meaningful wedding and a wonderful celebration with your friends and family (before and after, or just after), but remember, that’s one (or up to three) days out of the next how many years?

07.28.09#4

Comment by LISA5OF5.

Personally, if I got an invite to a bridal shower where I was expected to bring a gift and then didn’t get invited to the wedding, I would be extremely offended. It sends the message that the bride is only interested in the gifts she can score off her “friends” and not in sharing the event with them in any real way. It’s just rude.

And since when did being a bride become a valid excuse for forgetting the manners your mama worked so hard to teach you? Come on, people! Rude is ugly, even in a wedding gown.

Finally, 50 miles away is NOT a destination wedding. I guess if your guests are Amish and the only transportation available to them is a horse and buggy, then, yeah, maybe it’s a destination wedding. But if they’ve got a car and a road to drive on, travel time is less than an hour. This does not qualify. Sorry, but that excuse to not invite people isn’t going to work.

07.28.09#5

Comment by Coco.

I was all prepared to say F the biotch but really I think she has a great idea. Personally I find the weddings to be boring as hell. I would much rather be invited to a shower and/or a reception later. That is where all the fun is at anyway. I HAVE given gifts at the shower and not shown for the wedding. Take a chill pill and let lil sis do her thank.

From the Chocolate Monster. LOL… too many cocktails. Sorry.

07.28.09#6

Comment by Coco.

OOPS… I meant Let lil Sis do her THANG not Thank.

07.28.09#7

Comment by Lisa Rae @ smacksy.

Don’t cross the bride unless you want to be wearing off the shoulder-tangerine-taffeta.

(Yes she can make you.)

07.28.09#8

Comment by Kay.

FYI – I’m the Sister of the Bridezilla

@ Coco – Personally, I would love to not have to go to most ceremonies. The party is the fun part.

@ Kelcey –
But… I just feel like it should be the choice of the guests. Hell, I wouldn’t drive 50 miles to go to the ceremony without the promise of an open bar. I’d say thanks, but I’ll skip that and see you at the reception. Waste a beautiful weekend for nothing?
My thought is that the only cost to her (to invite them to the ceremony) will be the extra invitations and some extra chair rentals. So invite them. Most will not come – it’s too much work for not enough reward. But at least then SHE (and me by default as the Maid of Honor) doesn’t look like a present hungry bitch.

@ Jen & Katie –
As for the groom? Yeah, no say whatsoever. Not now, and probably not after the wedding either. Very much a “yes, dear” type.

@LISA5OF5 –
I agree. Bahamas? Destination. Anywhere requiring a plane ticket? Destination. 50 mile drive? Yeah, not so much. My family loves drama, and an excuse to fight and bitch and hate on people. So this would just be the icing on the arsenic cake at this point.
She’s “iffy” on even the reception, said it all depends on how much money they get in gifts from the engagement party and ceremony – which just reinforces my whole present hungry theory. Thinks the engagement party should be “enough”.

@ Amber –
Bridezilla firmly believes that she is entitled to just that wedding you described. She’s Cinderella, didn’t you know? And the marriage? I’m hoping and praying… but don’t have high expectations. They’re both SO immature and not ready for this. I’ve tried to remind her that this is just the beginning of her MARRIAGE. It’s a wedding. She refuses to hear me.

I’ve even suggested sending a note with the engagement party invites stating that they’re having the engagement party “in lieu” of a reception, because the ceremony is going to be small and intimate, immediate family and bridal party only (ok, that’s a teeny bit of a lie, but still). My thing is just let people know what they’re getting into so they can make a decision.

Would it be totally rude for ME to say “uhm… shit, I think I have plans to wash my hair that weekend(s)”? Cause I SO don’t wanna do this anymore.

07.29.09#9

Comment by Kay.

@ Lisa Rae –
Oh, boy. I honestly didn’t think of that angle. As of right now, it’s lavender and silver, but I could see her changing it to teal or tangerine.

08.27.09#10

Comment by Mandy.

I completely agree with this comment:

“Personally, if I got an invite to a bridal shower where I was expected to bring a gift and then didn’t get invited to the wedding, I would be extremely offended. It sends the message that the bride is only interested in the gifts she can score off her “friends” and not in sharing the event with them in any real way. It’s just rude.”

I would be incredibly offended if I was invited to a bridal shower and not the wedding. In fact, my Bridezilla sister is doing that same thing right now. Her bridal shower list exceeds 120 women only. Her wedding guest list is only 50, which includes men as well. I think that is very, very ignorant. If someone is close enough to you to spend their day at your bridal shower and spend money on their clothes and your gift for the occasion, then they should be important enough to attend your wedding.

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