Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m the Maid of Honor for my darling little sister’s wedding. She is the definition of Bridezilla – plans change on a daily (hourly?) basis. The wedding is next summer, a sort of semi-destination wedding, about 50 miles away at the shore.
My problem? The wedding guest list is only about 30 people with dinner at a restaurant afterward. But an engagement party is already set for the fall, with a guest list of 100 people. And there may be a “reception” a few weeks after the wedding, again with a guest list of 100 people.
Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but isn’t it rude/tacky/greedy/impolite to pretty much tell people that they’re good enough to come to a party and give you a present, but not good enough to be a guest at your actual wedding?
Sister of the Bridezilla
Dear Sister of the Bridezilla,
As I read your question, a wave of sweet nostalgia washed over me when I remembered my own outrageous demands for my wedding day. Although, I still contend that the peacock feather headbands were enormously flattering on every one of my bridesmaids.
Now many a bride has dreamed of a small ceremony. I know I did, but unfortunately, I married a guy who has more relatives than the population of Pittsburgh. And it did get a bit tedious introducing myself over and over again to guests at my own wedding reception. So I understand your sister’s wishes. But I also completely understand your desire to be polite and gracious.
It is absolutely acceptable to have an incredibly small wedding and throw a kick arse party for everyone else a few weeks later. I mean, let’s be honest here. No one goes to a wedding to hear those long winded, sappy vows. They come for the music, the alcohol and the lamb chop hors d’oeuvres.
So if the couple throws two great parties (an engagement and post wedding party), it’s fine to have a tiny wedding. Just make sure to stress that the couple is having a very small destination ceremony (don’t mention numbers) and saving their money for a big blow-out after the “I do’s” (don’t let them skimp on the party). And trust me, your guests will drink more in Absolut vodka at those parties than they spent on that vase they bought from Crate & Barrel for the happy couple.
If you still feel uncomfortable with this scenario, you could try to convince your sister to invite everyone to the ceremony. But just because it’s 50 miles away, don’t think everyone will send their regrets. People have a way of showing up when you don’t want them to.
And in the end, this is her wedding. Years from now, you can both laugh over her Bridezilla tendencies. Unfortunately, that time is not now.
Good luck sista of the bride.