Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I love my boyfriend very much but I’m beginning to wonder if I should end our relationship, even though the thought alone hurts. We’re best friends. We have been together about 15 months. He is 32 and I am 23.
We do not live together but I stay at his house often. However, he has a habit of wanting to see me all the time and then for about 2 weeks only wanting to see me 2-3 times a week. This has happened many times. He’s not cheating. When we’re apart, we keep in contact and we are usually playing video games online together.
But the last few months he has been hinting that he wants me to move in with him. I would like to move in with him once I can afford to support myself (right now I live with my parents while I’m in school). I would even like to one day marry him.
But he is a very indecisive person and I feel he is being indecisive about our relationship. I don’t want to end things and I know he loves me but I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m always worried he’s going to want distance himself.
How should I handle this?
You Need Space, I Need Consistency
Dear You Need Space,
You know what? I love space. I love alone time. I am hoping my Christmas stocking is stuffed full of alone time this year. But does your boyfriend just need space sometimes or does his feelings run hot and cold for you? That’s what you need to figure out.
Maybe he has commitment issues. Maybe he loves you but isn’t convinced you are the one. Maybe he’s running an illegal Silly Bandz business out of his basement when you aren’t around. I have no idea. But you should not even think of moving in with this guy until your relationship is in a different place.
You really need to change the dynamic here. Basically, when he wants to see you, you make yourself available. And then he is dismissing you when he’s had enough. That does not create a balanced relationship. Why don’t you try several months of only seeing him two to three times a week? You can have a great time together and the rest of the week, make yourself busy with school, friends, movie outings, whatever. Focus on yourself a bit more and give him the space he desires. There needs to be more equilibrium in this relationship.
You also might want to consider seeing a therapist together if he’s open to it. A third person in the room might be able to help him sort out his mixed feelings and help you both figure out where this relationship is going.
I do see a red flag here and this relationship may not be forever. But you are so YOUNG. In a few years, you might just be laughing with your friends and saying, “Remember when I dated that guy who ran the illegal Silly Bandz business?! I wonder what ever happened to him.”
Good luck and keep us posted.