24 Jun
Get Your Chlorine Hands Off My Pool Toy

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

School is finally out which means we’re spending a lot of time at our neighborhood pool. It’s our first year as members, so I need some pool etiquette advice. Is it okay to let your kids play with pool toys that are randomly floating around in the water?

I’m of the mind that if my kids aren’t playing with their swim toys it’s perfectly fine to share them, but I’ve seen some Noodle Nazis get all territorial if a kid uses their swim toy/float that was left in the water. I don’t understand the big deal so I’m wondering if this is pool etiquette I don’t know about yet.

Also, what do you do about sunscreen on your back? Do you let your 4 year-old apply it and hope for the best or do you ask the cute lifeguard for help?


Clueless Chloe


Dear C.C.,

Lucky for you, I’m a member of an exclusive pool club – which of course means, I give them lots of money and they let me come swim in their freezing, my-nipples-are-now-standing-at-attention pool.

Yes, of course your kids can play with other children’s toys in the pool and   you should share your toys too.   Everyone should just write their name in permanent maker on all the toys and then there is no chance that you are going to take Lester Von Nester Bester the Third’s plastic watering can home with you. Or if you do by accident, just bring it back on your next trip. Sharing toys (especially when they are all floating around anyway) is good karma and those Noodle Nazis will suffer someday when their beloved noodle gets left in the yard and it’s eaten by a neighborhood dog. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen.

There are also a few other pool etiquette issues you should be aware of….

1. If your kid poops in the kiddie pool, leave the premises immediately so you don’t subject yourself to death looks from other parents as the pool is drained and refilled.

2. If you wear your vodka flask around your neck or clipped to your bathing suit, it will be more of an accessory and may not fall under the “No Food or Drinks” in the pool area rule.

3. Shouting, “Funky Cold Medina!” at the top of your lungs while doing a cannonball is not the quickest route to making new friends at the pool. Apparently other ladies with fresh blowouts don’t like to get splashed, even in the spirit of Tone Loc.

In regards to applying sunscreen to your back, you have several options.   You can wear a gigantic, Hawaiian print muumuu that makes the need for sunscreen obsolete.

Another option (as you mentioned) is to ask the hot lifeguard for help. Now at our club, most of the lifeguards fly in each summer from the Netherlands and speak very little English. So you can request for one of them to apply sunscreen but they will probably misunderstand and carve you some wooden shoes.

Finally, you can get your kid to do it but you run the risk of being crowned Miss Lobster USA. So until you have friends at the pool who are willing to touch the age spots on the back of your neck, I would just buy one of those spray sunscreens and do it yourself.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH


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And on to other non pubic hair related news…   the winner of Stefanie Wilder-Taylor’s great new book,   I’m Kind of a Big Deal: And Other Delusions of Adequacy is BrittanyandTahn! Congrats!! Just send your address to TheMouthyHousewives@gmail.com.

Finally, we have another giveaway.   I know. We give and we give. This week one lucky reader will win a $30 gift certificate to Little Dittys, which sells super cute tee’s and other clothes for infants, kids and adults. 4-year-old Summer is modeling one of their adorable shirts here.

To enter the giveaway, just leave a comment and mention Little Dittys. Also, don’t forget to visit and “like” the Little Dittys facebook page.   Good luck everyone!


13 Responses to “Get Your Chlorine Hands Off My Pool Toy”


Comment by jamietitus.

I would absolutely LOVE to SHOP till I DROP at LITTLE DITTYS… buying new cute, sassy, fashionable clothes for my 4-year old is my #1 Hobby!


Comment by My 3 C's.

Great pool advice. And Little Ditty’s? Oh yeah, sign me up for cuteness! I could use all the cute I can get right now.


Comment by I'm a big ol' b with a captial B!.

Ok, just the NAME Little Ditty’s is cute. 🙂 Reminds me of the Upside Down Show. Remember that one?

As for the pool–I’ve just filled the baby pool in the backyard because I don’t want to deal with this drama at our pool (which is actually really nice and free for our subdivision).


Comment by BrassyDel.

I think if I won the Little Ditty’s GC I’d be gettin’ my 2 year old some leg warmers for fall OR my 10-and-thre-quarters year old niece a hoodie. They look comfy!


Comment by Hippo Brigade.

I always thought it was funky comb badita.
Thanks for clearing that up for me.

Kelcey Reply:

No, no… I’m sure you’re right.


Comment by Elle's Mom.

Today’s our first day of summer vacation, and it makes me want to sing a Little Ditty! (I’m a music teacher, I sing Little Ditty’s all the time!)


Comment by Tonya.

I was laughing so hard I couldn’t think of anything of value to add here!!


Comment by rojopaul.

I just want to scream FUNKY COLD MEDINA now. Problem is, we have our own pool and my young girls will have no idea what I mean (other than thinking mommy has lost it again). Think I’ll try it out at the next swim party full of parents!


Comment by deb ringold.

first of all, I am cracking up at Hippo Brigade’s comment…”funky comb bedita” !!!!!!!
Pool etiquette is very touchy. It is fine to let everyone play with the toys, but what happens when you and kids are leaving and you have to pry your bucket from a random 3 year old’s cold wet snotty hands? you feel like an a-hole when you say “hi honey, but I think that is our bucket and we are leaving now” while the kid looks up at you with these sad eyes. I often can’t bring myself to do it, so we just have a stockpile of dollar store buckets at home in the garage waiting for their one time use at the pool. Good luck!!!

Kelcey Reply:

You are so much nicer than me. I rip it out of their hands and leave them in tears. Whatever. Cry me a river. It’s bucket.


Comment by Erin@MommyontheSpot.

I just started going to a pool, and there was this super hot lifeguard that I wanted to ask to put sunblock on my back, but alas, I wimped out. And therefore, looked like a total goof trying to do it myself while my kids ran into the pool.

Also, going to Little Ditty’s facebook page. That T-shirt is adorable!!


Comment by Pubic Enemy #1 | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] when you were right in the middle of swimsuit season. So—oopsie! Hope you weren’t too ostracized at the neighborhood pool for looking like a hot, nasty mess in your nether regions, my […]

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