29 Dec
When Money and Marriage Don’t Mix

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband and I went to dinner recently and he paid for the majority of the meal,   leaving him with $2.00 in his wallet.   The next morning, on his way out of the gym, he felt light headed due to his diabetic condition and when he went to purchase an energy bar realized he had only $2.00 in his wallet and could not buy it.

He called me and told me that he was surprised (actually blamed me ) that I would let him go out with only $2.00 in his wallet. I was floored, as he has money everywhere, could have easily taken some yet chooses to blame me for his wallet being almost empty.   He controls all of his money, all of the time.   I have nothing to do with his funds. Should I really be responsible for this?

Signed,

Who You Blaming?!

_______________________

Dear Who You Blaming,

I’m so glad you wrote in because the other day I locked myself out of the house, had to pay 70 bucks for a locksmith and I’m so grateful that I now have someone to blame. So thanks a lot for letting me do that. Oh and I’m also pissed at you for that time I sprained my ankle playing tennis.   And for that day when I wore my shirt inside out for 7 hours before someone had the decency to tell me.

In all seriousness – it sounds like the only person your husband should be mad at is himself. I’m sorry he only had two dollars in his wallet but that is hardly your fault. And you should introduce him to these fancy new things that were just invented called credit cards and ATM cards. They really are magic and can work wonders when one finds themselves a bit short on cash. Did he have any of those in his wallet at the time?

So no, you are absolutely not to blame. But it does sound like there might be some tension between the two of you when it comes to control over money. Am I reading too much into your question? Every couple works out their money differently. Some share funds. Some keep separate accounts. Some drive to Vegas and spend it all there. Whatever works.

But you two are married. And you need to manage and spend your money in a way that works for both of you. So maybe you both need to sit down and have more of a big picture discussion about your financial arrangement.

Good luck to you.

Kelcey, TMH

 

 

12 Responses to “When Money and Marriage Don’t Mix”

12.29.11#1

Comment by Plano Mom.

Did this behavior come out of the blue? To me, anything that’s “aggressive” that is not in keeping with someone’s temperament is a red flag that something medical might be going on. Could his response be more related to his diabetic condition? I have a friend that gets very disagreeable when he’s hypoglycemic. Not that it should be ignored or excused, just saying there may be a physical reason for apparent buttheadedness.

mtwildflower Reply:

Exactly what I was thinking. If he was still low on his sugar and had no $$ to get it up again, he’s likely going to be pissy and take it out on whomever is handy. You’re an easy target for this.

Karin Reply:

heck – you don’t have to be diabetic to get cranky when your blood sugar gets low. I get cranky, my kids get cranky and especially my husband gets cranky when it’s been too long since our last meal. If this behavior was out of the blue, talk to him about it and expect an apology. If it is normal, talk to him about it and ask for couples therapy.

12.29.11#2

Comment by Ju.

Does he do this all the time with blaming you for things or could it have been because his blood sugar was low? I have diabetes and can tell you that it can completely change your personality and make you irrational when low.
Whether he does it all the time or only when his blood sugar is low, you really ought to have a conversation about it.
His diabetic control and upkeep and health is his responsibility, even if you can help, ultimately it has to be on his shoulders to remember to keep juice in his gym bag in case of emergencies.

12.29.11#3

Comment by Angie Uncovered.

That’s honestly the most ridiculous BS thing I’ve ever heard. I would agree with the posters above about blood sugar causing change in personality if it weren’t for the fact that you already stated he controls all of the money.

He’s a big boy and quite capable of making sure he has money in his wallet when he prepares for the day. He forgot his own money which he controls BEFORE his blood sugar was low. This isn’t your fault.

Tell him you have plenty of your own guilt and don’t need a loan from him. You can also suggest that he invest his guilt into a fund that grows common sense.

12.29.11#4

Comment by Meredith L..

I think the Y-chromosome that men schlep around makes them naturally allergic to ATMs. My husband – a 31-year old lawyer who graduated magna cum laude from his law school and works in a building with an ATM machine for our bank – constantly asks me for cash, as if we have a secret, invisible ATM in our house that only I know how to access.

Avptobeauty Reply:

Lol! Men, sheesh.

12.30.11#5

Comment by Marie.

Oh, good grief. Kelcey, you’re right on the money (pun intended).

12.30.11#6

Comment by Jenee.

No – you are totally not to blame – he needs to be responsible for making sure he has cash with him if he needs it – PERIOD.

If it’s a one time thing I would let it go, but if this is ongoing, I think it’s time for a talk.

But, this sounds very much like something I do! If I do something stupid and my husband is the in the vicinity, I say his name in a very accusatory tone, like what I did was his fault! OOPS – better work on that!

12.30.11#7

Comment by Danielle.

My husband is a blame gamer. Of course, he’s been one all his life so it’s nothing new. If this is new behavior I’d get it checked out. If it’s not I’d go to counseling. My poor husband was conditioned from a very young age that taking responsibility for something meant getting severely beaten. It’s a hard thing for him to get over.

01.02.12#8

Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

What do you mean “he paid the majority of the meal”? If he didn’t have enough cash, he could have used a credit card; I guess he owns one? In any case, he is responsible of his own wallet and you have nothing to do with it, whether he has sugar or salt in his blood.

02.24.12#9

Comment by Credit, what is all the fuss? Part 1 – Educating Young Adults Towards A Better Financial Future!.

[…] When Money and Marriage Don’t Mix | The Mouthy Housewives – When Money and Marriage Don’t Mix. Dear Mouthy Housewives,. My husband and I went to dinner recently and he paid for the majority of the meal, leaving him with $2.00 in his wallet. The next morning, on his way out of … […]

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