06 Nov
Welcome to the No Sex Club! Did You Bring Snacks?

Today we’re very happy to welcome one of Wendi’s IRL BFFs OMG Maria Escamilla! Maria just started a blog called Postcards From Texas and regularly writes very funny things on there. Well, she does when she’s not at the movies with Wendi yelling, “Boo!” and throwing popcorn at the Glenn Beck ads, anyway. Thank you for your advice today, Maria!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband and I were married 6 years ago, when we were both in our early 20s and really hot. I had a baby 6 months ago and still have some weight to lose. I don’t feel very hot by any means now.

We’ve always had a great sex life, but I currently have no sex drive for my husband at all. I don’t know if it’s my hormones or what, but I don’t find myself attracted to him. He’s grown a beard and gained about 90 lbs. in the last 18 months. Like I said, I’m not the hottest little thing either, but this is just uncharted territory. Any advice? We’ve only made love a handful since the baby was born.

Signed,

In a Pickle

________________________

Dear In a Pickle,

First of all, congratulations and welcome to the “No Sex Club”! I myself have been a card carrying member for the last 10 years and honey, it ain’t that bad! Accept it. Move On. In fact, move on to Comfort Theme Nights such as: “Snuggle Under Our Matching Snuggies Night” or “Massage My Feet While They Are Resting on Your Belly Night.”

I realize that those aren’t as exciting as newlywed sex games like “The Plumber and the Distressed Housewife” where your husband asks you what number pipe you need inserted into your deep sink. But I’m sorry to say that those games are over for you for about 13 years. Because that’s when your baby will have grown into a sullen teenager who’ll hunker down in his room while you and your husband moan as loud two feral cats in heat. That’s the beauty of teenagers; they don’t give a shit!

You don’t owe it to your husband to give him sex either, especially after you pushed out a baby 6 months ago. You most likely also pushed out any romantic feelings you had for him when you noticed he saw your placenta and all that other gunk that came out of your vagina. Who would feel romantic after that? Let him have his Beard and Belly Teddy Bear phase and in 13 years, here is what you do: start to sign up for marathons, train together, get sweaty together, get gorgeous and fit together, then go have mad sex in a Porta-Potty after running 23 miles. It will be such a high, you won’t even believe you two used to be in the “No Sex Club.”

Good luck girl!

Maria Escamilla, Guest TMH

4 Responses to “Welcome to the No Sex Club! Did You Bring Snacks?”

11.06.12#1

Comment by Betty Herbert.

I’m going to say this in capitals: IT’S OKAY NOT TO WANT SEX WHEN YOU’VE GOT A 6 MONTH OLD BABY.

Maybe midwives could start giving out a card that says this? Because too many people are feeling guilty about it. Sex naturally peaks and troughs throughout long relationships, and this is a trough. It’s not fatal.

It sounds like you’re all going through a lot of changes, and an awful lot of stress too (I also have a 6 month old baby, so I am right there with you). Forgive yourself. It takes time to recover from such a major event. It’s hard to feel hot for it when you’re exhausted.

I’m just beginning to get my life back in order, and sex will be a part of that. In the meantime, we’re focusing on sharing lots of hugs and kisses, which helps us to remember to take care of each other as well as the baby.

11.06.12#2

Comment by Lisa.

Yes it’s okay not to want sex as much after a baby. It’s also really really important to tend to your marriage and to keep making an effort. No, it won’t be the same frequency as when you first were together, but do keep trying.

HOWEVER, your husband has gained 90 pounds in 18 months! That is not healthy. I’ve never known anyone to put on serious weight because they are so happy with their life. There is most likely either a medical problem or a mental/emotional problem. You need to be able to talk about this with him. What happened 18 months ago? Carrying a baby, is one thing. It totally alters your body and emotional landscape, but there is something seriously wrong here and you need to find out what it is.

11.08.12#3

Comment by "In a Pickle".

Yes, my husband underwent kidney surgery and was retired from the Army 18 months ago for PTSD – paint a picture? He is understandably depressed and we are working on it (with professionals). I have felt guilty for not wanting sex, but nudge myself into it (wine helps!) because I care about him so much and I know that’s how many men feel intimacy, whereas hug and snuggles would be more than enough for me. Thank you, ladies. I have so many girlfriends who jumpe right back into sex before their bodies even had a chance to heal, so I felt like some freak of nature for not having any interest.

Thank you or your advice, Maria. I hope it’s not 13 years, but we’ll take what we can get. You set my mind at ease. Glad to know its somewhat normal.

11.08.12#4

Comment by danielle.

Just think of all the calories sex burns and that may have you wanting to be on top. 😉

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