13 Feb
This Gift Horse Needs Dental Work

It’s VDW! Valentine’s Day Week at The Mouthy Housewives! And we are celebrating in the style to which we have grown accustomed during the other 51 weeks of the year– champagne, truffles, flowers and Bravo OnDemand. And while we’re celebrating, we asked some of our friends of the less fair sex to step into our stilettos and share their advice and wisdom with you. Because we trust them. And we know where they live.

We picked some of our favorite male bloggers to feature this week, which is great news for you (because they’re awesome) and great news for us (because we are awesome by association).

First up is Kevin from Always Home and Uncool. I’m lucky enough to call Kevin a friend because he is nice, funny and a great dad. And he refers to his wife on his blog as My Love. OMG, how swoony is that?

He’s also the first person in the whole world that I’ve ever Skyped with so he has a special place in my heart. Even though he never acknowledges our Skyping anniversary with a small-to-medium sized gifts. Sniff. -Marinka

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband is the worst gift giver in the world. Like “happy birthday, here are some kitchen utensils, my love” bad. We’ve gotten to the point where I just ask for gift cards or specifically tell him what to buy me, but that sort of makes me sad. I’d love him to give me a gift that he’s thought about and picked out just for me. How can I get him to do this when it doesn’t seem to be in his DNA?


Flunking the Gifted Program

Dear Flunking Wife,

Relationship issues such as yours fascinate me: as in I’m fascinated that you find this to be an issue.

Your hubby buys you crappy gifts. As a solution, you tell him exactly what you want. He fulfills your request to the letter. You remain unhappy. Yet, you think HE needs fixing?

Your hubby sounds like a linear thinker, a grounded cause-and-effect man who wants to take care of your needs to make your life easier. Instead, you desire him to be a gooey-hearted male protagonist right out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. You do realize that at least one member of those romantic couples in his books almost always dies tragically, right?

The first step is communication. Gently yet candidly speak to your man about his appalling lack of gift-giving ESP. Suggest that you’d be happy if only he could just slightly extrapolate his keen perceptions about your practical needs, say for a new citrus zester, into something both useful and whimsically romantic, such as a hiring you an in-home sous chef.

If that doesn’t cure your sadness, refill of your prescriptions, up your therapy to twice a week and rent The Notebook— again.

Kevin, TAHaUH (The “Always Home and Uncool” Househusband)

33 Responses to “This Gift Horse Needs Dental Work”


Comment by Muffintopmommy.

Wait. What is this, MH?
Boys are icky.
I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I don’t discriminate. Great advice, Kevin.

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

I’m all for equal opportunity dissing. Thanks, Muff.


Comment by Plano Mom.

My husband is in the jewelry business, gets paid good money to suggest romantic gifts to clueless husbands, and yet every gift giving occasion I am asked “what do you want?”

I have embraced the excitement of buying for myself. And every now and then, he surprises me with something I didn’t remember I wanted.

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

Having lived in Plano for six years, I know the perfect gift for him to give you:

A plane ticket to Cleveland.

Applebee’s Be With You, PM.

Plano Mom Reply:

What makes that even funnier is he was born in Toledo.

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

You married Max Klinger?


Comment by Wendi.

So if I’d taken the time to talk to my husband, the SodaStream he gave me for Christmas could have actually been a Soda Jerk?

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

And I’m sure that’s how you have referred to your hubby ever since, Wendi.


Comment by StephanieG.

Three years ago, I found a James Avery ring that I really wanted. I circled it in the JA catalog and put it on MrG’s desk shortly before my birthday in August. At Christmas, I put a sticky note on the catalog that said, “I really want this ring.” Two weeks before Mothers Day, I added another sticky that said, “I’m getting this ring. You can buy it or I will.” The next day, he put the catalog on my desk with a note that said, “then buy it.” I bought it and I love it.

Some guys are just not wired for gift giving, and my guy is one of them. He told me once that someone had told him never to buy his wife a gift that had a cord attached to it, and that advice has served him well. The rest of the time, though, he’s pretty clueless. I love him anyway.

Although this year, I broke my small digital camera, and he replaced it for me at Christmas without me even asking for it. Go figure.

Our men can really love us and be concerned with our happiness, yet not be able to plug into our inner wish list. I would just be as generous with suggestions as you can be, and maybe in a moment of clarity, he’ll figure out that you’re making it easy for him.

If that doesn’t work, try placing a catalog on his desk with a big red circle around your item of choice. Oh, wait…..

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

To men, electronics are not gifts. They are vital necessities. Like oxygen. And beer.

Just see what happens if you mention that you think the TV is too small.


Comment by annie.

Isn’t this why we have children? So they can pass on our gift wishes to our husbands? That’s what I did and I’m pretty sure my gift is hidden in their room somewhere. It took me awhile to realize being upset with his gifts was MY issue but I eventually got there. Great advice Kevin!

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

The only things my children have passed on to me are heartburn and headaches.

And thanks.


Comment by Allison Musick.

I LOVE this. I’ve never really understood the bad-gift-giving issue, either. But I’m blessed to be one of those practical (read: manly) women who would LOVE to receive anything with a cord attached to it for any occasion. I once told my dad that, for Christmas, I’d like either a new laptop (mine was absolutely on its death bed), or a power saw. He wisely chose the laptop. But I would have been super excited for either one! 🙂

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

Reading your response has made my nipples intensely rigid.

God bless you, Allison, and here’s hoping you get a Black & Decker for Valentine’s Day.

Allison Musick Reply:

Black & decker = WANT!!!! You have no idea how hard it is to do quality work with sub-par equipment. Unfortunately I’m currently without a significant other at the moment. Do you know any single males (30ish), preferably handsome and NOT on drugs, who’d want to buy me one?

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

Such demanding standards!


Comment by Kristine.

My husband is not into the giving-of-gifts-unless-you’re-talking-about-sexual-ones either. My therapist told me to get over it and buy my own gifts. I think we see the same person, Kevin.

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

It’s true, Kristine. Your husband is always trying to give me sexual presents, too.


Comment by VG.

If the OP is dropping for a V-Day gift, skip it. My hubby and I don’t celebrate V-Day nor do we buy gifts for our anniversary (it’s 4 days before Xmas), only a card and a bottle of Asti to drink out of our Galway crystal flutes 🙂
My hubby is good at knowing my interests, and I his. I usually just tell him a list of things I would like, then he picks, so there’s still an element of surprise for me. Give him a list and tell him to choose one or two items, so you get that surprise factor.
Lastly, as my MIL tells me “YOU picked him Honey!”


Comment by Always Home and Uncool.

That is sooo sweet. I believe I speak for all the Mouthy Housewives as well as myself when I say, sincerely, we all hate you.

VG Reply:

And you’re welcome 😉


Comment by Kelly.

That’s what the problem is!! I’ve never seen The Notebook! My husband will be sooo relieved. lol

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

The Notebook is a 4-hanky flick. Or 1 Shamwow!


Comment by Tonya.

I’ve asked my husband for Ryan Reynolds for VD 3 years in a row. This year he asked for Heidi Klume. At least neither of us will get what we want.

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

Mutual dissatisfaction – isn’t that what marriage is all about?


Comment by Kelcey.

Last Valentine’s Day, my husband bought me footed red pajamas with a hood. I still haven’t quite recovered.

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

Your man obviously listens to the same sports radio station as me. For the past month, all it has been advertising is the leopard-skin variety of said hoodie/footie PJs. Effin’ PajamaGram! They didn’t even have My Love’s size!

(Um, that would be super petite.)


Comment by julianna.

Seriously. When asked what I want I say nothing.


No card. No candy. No NOTHING.

This year I’m getting a weekend trip (sans kids) to Foxwoods, and some sugary baked goods made special just for me.

Behold. The beauty of the SECOND husband. 🙂

Always Home and Uncool Reply:

Foxwoods!? Shh – don’t let My Love know. Our bank account just recovered from her last Lost Weekend of Blackjack.


Comment by Bijoux.

I finally just told my husband to never give me a gift that he could also give his 60 yr old secretary.

Meaning mine better be jewelry or lingerie. Although he did pretty well with the case of wine last Xmas!


Comment by Big ol' B with a capital B.

Ok, ok, so maybe he’s not the best gift giver. So what?! Focus on how he DOES show you affection.

My husband has never been a card giver. We don’t overly give gifts to each other either. We normally buy something ahead of a holiday and call it ‘for us’ or whatever.

BUT, he brings coffee to me every morning while I’m getting ready upstairs. And he can tell when I’m at my wits end with the kids when he gets home from work and sends me to eat my dinner alone in peace without the kiddos. He calls when he is going to be late and he sent me to San Francisco on my own last year ‘just because everyone needs some time to be with themselves’. He does things he knows I NEED to show his love. He’s in-tune to me.

I’d much rather have a hot cup of coffee every morning than a stinkin’ card on Christmas.

That said, his V-day he made dinner reservations at some fancysmanshy place AND also planned the sitter!


Comment by Ace.

One of our mutual friends read his wife’s Christmas list to us and I was so baffled I laughed out loud, thinking, ‘I can’t believe how demanding that is!’ …Also thinking, ‘My husband has got to be thanking GOD I am not that way!’ …Then my husband looked at me like, ‘what’s wrong with you?’ and said, “If you wrote a list of things you’d like to have, I would actually get you Christmas and birthday presents.”

BURN!! What a jackass I have been!

Now I know. I might get a present sometime this year because dude has a wish list I keep adding to. Good answer, Kevin. I never expecting my husband to have ESP, but I also never thought to ask him for the things I want. Martyrdom is hard work.


Comment by Lorie Shewbridge.

I have to be the luckiest woman on the earth. My hubby is SO intuitive, he remembers everything I HAPPEN to mention that I like or say that I need. Those are the gifts that I get for birthdays, Christmas or for “just because.”
I let him know how much I appreciate him all the time for his listening to me because I hear stories like this all the time. I just didn’t realize HOW lucky I was until recently.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. HUGGLES!!

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