21 Feb
This Dance Ain’t 4 Everyone, Just the Exey People

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband is still friends with his ex-brother-in-law. Ex-brother-in-law lives with my husband’s ex-wife. I think it’s disrespectful for my husband to spend time at his ex-wife’s house in order to hang out with ex-brother-in-law. Am I being disrespected? Should I feel angry about this situation?

Signed,

Complex

_____________________________

Dear Complex,

Wowza. The last time I felt this confused after reading something was when I was building an Ikea bookcase and couldn’t figure out the how-to instructions. (Said bookcase being “The”Grevbäck,” which I believe means “You just bought yourself an ugly slanty bookcase plus multiple blisters and three extra screws, you stupid American Big Mac Face” in Swedish.) (But my translation may be slightly off because I’m Norwegian.)

Anyway, here’s what I think you said: there’s an ex here, there’s an ex there, everywhere an ex ex. Is that right? Of course it’d be a lot more fun to deal with this issue if there was an “s” added to the beginning of those words, but like my hairdresser always says, let’s just work with the messes we gots all up in he-ah, Ladygirl.

Now, I’ve never been divorced, but I seem to think that exes can see each other without falling into either bed or cahoots with each other. So the fact that he’s seeing his ex-wife isn’t necessarily cause for concern and/or a sign of disrespect. However, if you’ve told him it makes you uncomfortable and he blows you off or is rude about it, then you should definitely let him know he’s upsetting you and see what he says.

Have you suggested that the ex-brother-in-law come to your house to hang out? Or that you all meet someplace else? Like your ex-sister-in-law’s ex-cousin’s ex-partner’s X-Files themed restaurant or something? Because if your husband’s still as eager to see his ex-brother-in-law when his ex-wife isn’t around, that’s a good sign that he’s only interested in the ex-brother-in-law’s friendship and isn’t trying to do anything untoward with his ex-wife.

At least that’s my expert opinion.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH

 

13 Responses to “This Dance Ain’t 4 Everyone, Just the Exey People”

02.21.12#1

Comment by Brett Minor.

I live in a fairly small town and am friends with all my ex-in-laws. I even go to the same church as a few of them. On the few occasions I do see my ex, it is not and never will be an issue.

02.21.12#2

Comment by Vanessa.

Maybe you should try becoming friends with said ex-wife and hang out too.

At least you’ll see what is going on and then can take action if needed.

Kimberly Reply:

I like this. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

02.21.12#3

Comment by Lena.

Bigger issue than his disrespect. Sounds to me like she doesn’t trust him or she has insecurity issues. Honestly those are the things I would work on. Just my 2 cents and mostly likely worth about as much.

02.21.12#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

Well put, Wendi. Close friends are hard to find. I would be happy my husband had a good friend. I wouldn’t worry unless they couldn’t enjoy their company with me around.

02.21.12#5

Comment by Elizabeth.

I have an ex. I am remarried. I get along with my ex but I DO NOT want to get back together. I love my ex’s family but it does not make me want to get back together.
Exes can be friends after breaking up.

02.21.12#6

Comment by VG.

We are missing some info though – do they every hang out outside of your hubby’s Ex’s place?? I mean, everyone needs a change of scenery. Also, was hubby friends with Ex-BIL before even marrying Ex-wife??
Too many unexplained variables here…

02.21.12#7

Comment by Muffintopmommy.

This hurt my head…and also made me laugh. Well done!

If she’s really irritated with her hubs, she could slip some Ex-Lax in his Wheaties. What? Too much.

In all honesty though, I can see how it might bug Complex. I’m not a jealous person by nature, but if it’s bugging her he should have his bromance with the ex bro-in-law somewhere else. What is he doing at the guy’s house that he can’t do elsewhere? And like VG mentioned, too many unexplained variables here. Crap, my head is starting to hurt again!

02.21.12#8

Comment by rojopaul.

Between your Swedish translation, your hairdresser, and the Old MacDonald song to the exes, I’m cracking up. I have nothing else to offer. (Other than that I try to remain friendly with my ex-SIL but the rest of the family doesn’t really appreciate that and, as a result, we only get together once a year.) Whomever said divorce is only hard on the two parties involved doesn’t know what the heck they are talking about.)

02.21.12#9

Comment by Big ol' B with a capital B.

I think the real question is…. is this her current husband’s old residency where his ex and ex brother in law reside? Is his ex always there when he’s hanging out with the ex-BIL? I wouldn’t be very comfortable with my husband hanging out at his previous house with his previous wife and her brother. That said, if it was a dwelling he never lived in and she’s not around when he’s hanging out with the BIL then I don’t see it as that big of a deal.

But really, just hang out somewhere else. What’s the big deal?

02.21.12#10

Comment by Cate8.

My ex-husband (the first one– there are two unlucky fellows who lost me) is still infatuated with me. He tells his current wife.
She hates me. I like her. She has no worries. I’d rather scratch my eyes out with a cheese grater than be more than civil to him.

02.21.12#11

Comment by Cynthia M.

One question. Was this friendship/hanging out going on before you married him? I’d assume it was. If so, you really don’t have a right to complain about it now. You married him knowing this information.

Also, his friendship with his ex-bro does not show disrespect for you; it shows affection for his friend. That’s all.

06.17.13#12

Comment by My Boyfriend 1.0 is Getting Married. Why am I Upset? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] whole thing in perspective. I do not know of one woman in this universe who upon hearing that her ex-boyfriend of whatever vintage is getting married, doesn’t stop whatever she is doing, Google the hell […]

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