29 Mar
The Underappreciated and the Fuming

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

In January, I drove an hour and a half to go to a baby shower for my husband’s niece.   I knew no one there and the weather was bad but I was happy to do it. I am also the one who bought the gift, wrapped it, got the card, etc. That’s fine (really).

So here’s how I found out that my husband’s niece gave birth. Today I happened to call home from work and heard a voicemail from a few days ago that she had the baby. Unless we call our home voicemail, we don’t know there are messages. I called my husband, frantic, because I figured he didn’t know. He knew. His sister called him. He said he posted it on his Facebook, didn’t I see it? I said I don’t really have access to Facebook at work, or time, and don’t really look to Facebook to find out information from my husband.   Do I have a right to be upset or am I over reacting?

Signed,

It could be PMS

___________________________________

Dear PMS,

Not only do you have a right to be upset with your husband, but I wouldn’t be letting his niece off that easy, either.   Who does she think she is, giving birth and then just leaving a voicemail message for you? It used to be that women wouldn’t so much as take a break from picking turnips in the fields while birthing babies, so the very least that she could have done was drive an hour and a half to tell you the good news in person.   And possibly give you her baby.   If it’s not colicky, of course.

As for your husband, I’m afraid that he’s doing what many men do.   Because while you heard “Do you promise to love and cherish” I can guarantee that he heard “Do you relinquish your right and responsibility to buy gifts for members of your immediate family and do you understand that your wife will henceforth be responsible for the same?”

No one likes to be unappreciated.   Talk to your husband.   Explain that although you were happy to participate in the prenatal festivities, learning about the baby’s birth the way that you did made you feel like an afterthought.   This may be a good time to review with him what is and what is not appropriate information to relay to you via Facebook.   For example, “My wife is the best!” is okay; “Out of Preparation-H, please pick up some more” not so much.

Best,

Marinka, TMH

10 Responses to “The Underappreciated and the Fuming”

03.29.10#1

Comment by hokgardner.

Yep, my husband does stuff like this all the time. THe worst was when I walked up to our new neighbor, who had told me she was pregnant just before she left on vacation for two weeks and said, “Guess what! While you were gone I found out I’m pregnant too! Isn’t that great!!!”

And she said, “Um, I had a miscarriage while I was on the trip.” I nearly died.

When I told my husband he said, “Yeah, she told me about it yesterday. Didn’t I tell you?”

I nearly killed him.

03.29.10#2

Comment by Karen at French Skinny.

At some point everyone in my life realized that if they told my Hubby something I would NEVER hear about it.
I now blame them. ex: “Why would you think he would tell me? You’re silly.”

But if you want to get all huffy, angry makeup sex is fun.

03.29.10#3

Comment by the mama bird diaries.

If you leave a message on our home voice mail, it will be at least 3 months before we actually listen to it.

03.29.10#4

Comment by writingmama04.

I think it’s part of the marriage contract – you will buy all the presents for every function (including Christmas) and get none of the credit. Or the blame – maybe you should look at it that way! The good thing is that all your friends recognize this because they are in the same boat. And they will never leave a message with your husband about something really important – like when the next Martini Monday is being held.

03.29.10#5

Comment by Mandy.

I’m not going to lie… I think that’s a bit of an overreaction. If you don’t check your voicemail, why have one? She called and left a message. I’d say that’s doing more than enough to spread the word.

03.29.10#6

Comment by amandashea17.

I do think your overreacting. She left a message on your voice mail. In my house we have a saying if you tell my dad then mom will never find out.

03.29.10#7

Comment by kmdguerra.

I told my husband about this and he was mad too: “Of COURSE she has the right to be angry!”

I have trained him well…ok, not really. His mama did a damn fine job, so I ain’t gonna complain. Spot on advice Marinka!

03.30.10#8

Comment by GrandeMocha.

We have this conversation at our house ALL THE TIME!

My husband is responsible for all gifts for his family because I got tired of him blaming me for getting mad when his family was rude about a gift I bought. He took their side ALL THE TIME. I told him I would start buying the gifts if he could get his sister to apologize. He frequently asks me to purchase something for them and acts like he has no idea why I won’t. Then I remind him. And a month later the cycle repeats.

03.31.10#9

Comment by Maddnessofme.

I’m not so much upset about the gift situation, and I’m glad they left a voucemail. The idea of my husband communicating with me via Facebook gives me a skeevy feeling. I’m not a huge Facebook fan.

04.01.10#10

Comment by Vodka Tonic.

Um, it shouldn’t come as a shock. Sometime around 40 weeks gestation, expect a baby.

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