Surprise! It’s Guest Post Thursday! Today we welcome the fabulous Suniverse who blogs about all sorts of funny, interesting things and is always a treat to read. Plus she has sort of a foul mouth, which is always a big plus in my f&*@ing book. Thanks, Suniverse! –Wendi
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband has the worst smelling gas of anyone I know, but he thinks his *stuff* doesn’t stink. He passes gas in front of me all the time, despite my repeated requests for him to stop. The other night, we were lying in bed and he passed the most rancid, foul-smelling gas. In an attempt to be funny, he pulled the covers up over our heads and trapped me underneath. I nearly fainted. I was so upset by this careless, crude action, but he just laughed it off by saying, “Seriously!? Everyone f@rts! What’s the big deal? Lighten up, would you!?” How can I express my discomfort and disgust about his flatulence, without driving a wedge between us? I know gas is only natural, but my husband’s gas is making me want to sleep in a different bedroom.
Dying in a Dutch Oven
Dear Dying in a Dutch Oven,
Guys are pigs. Or dogs. Or some other animal that has a fascination with its own nether regions and whatever comes out of them. Maybe just males in general.
It’s ridiculous, but it’s true. Why do you think guys spend so much time fondling themselves in public where OH MY GOD, DUDE, EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU TOUCHING YOUR JUNK SO JUST STOP IT!
But this is not about that.
Except it is.
Guys seldom get beyond the point in their lives where they realize that body emissions aren’t cool. But your husband has, unfortunately, moved beyond the infantile “pull my finger” idiocy that some people [with XY chromosomes] consider to be the height of hilarity. He thinks that trapping you in his stink is National Lampoon funny.
It’s not, of course. No one thinks that’s funny.
As to what you can do? You need to sit him down and explain that while he might find this amusing and not a big deal, it is a big deal to you and his dismissal of your feelings is hurtful. If he can’t get past the fact that he doesn’t think you have a sense of humor, then just agree that you don’t have a sense of humor. About this topic. And that it’s important to you that he respect your feelings and work with you so that you’re not feeling like he doesn’t care about you at all.
Also, you may suggest that he get himself checked out – that level of stink is not normal and he may need to change his diet. Then take a deep, cleansing breath. You need one.
Suniverse, Guest TMH