04 Feb
Texting with a Friend’s Husband is Not So Smart

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My neighbor is my friend and her husband recently made several passes at me.  I had no idea that he was interested in me, blind I guess.  I won’t lie – I like the attention. But I have no interest in sleeping with him. But I also haven’t stopped him from hitting on me. And I am married too.

But he just dropped a bomb on me about how his wife (my friend) always looks at the phone records and asked me what we should do if she asks why we have been texting each other back and fourth.  I am terrified of losing my friendship and I don’t want things to be awkward between us. I am completely fine to stop interacting with him. But what am I supposed to do if she asks me? I’m afraid she wouldn’t believe me if I told her he started it, and that she’ll spread rumors about me. I feel so stupid for this.

Signed,

Flirting with the Boy Next Door

_______________________________________

Dear Flirting with the Boy Next Door,

Wow. You have gotten yourself in a real pickle. Yes, I understand why you feel stupid. But he should feel even stupider (I think that’s a real word) because he knew all along that his wife reviews the phone records and kept texting you anyway.

But it doesn’t really matter who is crowned the most stupid or who started it because girl, you gotta get your act together! You are a married woman and flirting with your friend’s husband is not appropriate, or smart. Let me remind you that General Petraeus got caught having an extramarital affair because of email. If the director of the CIA can’t get away with this crap, then there isn’t much hope for you. Man, it’s hard to have an affair these days.

It’s time to ask yourself a few questions. Why are you letting this guy hit on you? Is it just the excitement of something new? Or the danger of it all? Are you unhappy in your marriage? Losing your friend might be the least of your concerns if your husband finds out about this.

I would immediately cut off all contact with the friend’s husband and start reinvesting in your relationship with your husband. If your friend does approach you about these phone records, I would admit that yes, you have texted with her husband (true) because you and the husband are friends (sort of true) but nothing is going on between you guys (true) and that her friendship is important to you (true).

If you’re lucky, one of her kids will use those phone records on the bottom of their bird cage and she’ll never be the wiser.  Buy them a bird immediately.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

12 Responses to “Texting with a Friend’s Husband is Not So Smart”

02.04.13#1

Comment by Avprobeauty.

‘Buy them a bird immediately’ – lol.

02.04.13#2

Comment by Cate8.

Spot on advice…. use your energy on your husband. Imagine he is the sexiest man you have ever seen….. and act that way. C’mon being a wife requires acting

02.04.13#3

Comment by Angie Uncovered.

Yikes! If you still have any of the texts, you might want to save them, especially the ones where it’s clear he initiated it. Then politely step away from the conversation. If he does continue to text, keep it light, non-flirtatious, and include his wife in your responses. Make it clear that you’re her friend and want to keep it above board.

02.04.13#4

Comment by N and Em's mom.

Send him a text that says ‘All wives love flowers and chocolate for Valentines day’ then never ever text him anything you would not want your husband to read ever again.

02.04.13#5

Comment by N and Em's mom.

If he texts something steamy back, send him the ‘this is embarrassing; I think you meant to send this to your wife’ response over and over until he gets it.

02.04.13#6

Comment by suburbancorrespondent.

I think she has to be more direct at this point, in order to extricate herself. When an email correspondence with an old college friend seemed to be taking a sudden turn, I sent him an email stating explicitly that I was happily married, was not interested in any weirdness, and that my spouse and I had full access to each other’s email, etc. That stopped it, plus I had firm evidence of my innocence, should his wife have stumbled across his messages to me.

suburbancorrespondent Reply:

This was a very nice guy, by the way, who I don’t think even realized (or, at least, admitted to himself) that he was stepping out of bounds. Sometimes, it just happens.

N and Em's mom Reply:

I totally agree. It just sounds like it’s gone a little too far. There is something weird about starting a flirtation then announcing my wife scrutinizes the bills and will notice all the texts. I predict even when she tells him to stop that he will keep texting. And good for you for addressing a problem with an old friend head-on. It sounds like he graciously stepped back across the line.

02.05.13#7

Comment by dusty earth mother.

Excellent advice, Kelcey.

02.07.13#8

Comment by Abby.

Kelcey reminds me, yet again, why she’s one of the funniest people I know:
If the director of the CIA can’t get away with this crap, then there isn’t much hope for you. Man, it’s hard to have an affair these days.

07.15.13#9

Comment by Help! My BFF's husband flirt-texted me and asked me not to tell. | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] are between a rock and a hard place, my friend. There’s a wide spectrum of flirtation, so it’s a little hard to advise you not knowing if your friend’s husband wrote that […]

08.01.13#10

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