31 Dec
Real Housewives of Backstab County, Episode 1

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My friend and her husband have been married for more than 20 years. I’m married too, and all of our kids are good friends. Here’s the kicker: my friend’s husband has a BIG crush on me and I would love to shag his brains out. So far I have ignored it all, but my friend has definitely noticed. We live in a small community and obviously if I were to shag him all hell could break loose – something I am not prepared to put everyone through. When I’m not ovulating (ha) I can be quite rational about it and, in fact, feel resentful towards him for putting so much at risk.

I need your advice. Do I ignore him? Do I play along with it by being open and funny about his thing with me (in front of her)? Do I point the facts out to him or just throw caution to the wind? Thank you!

Signed,

Hot and Bothered

P.S. My husband and I laugh about it.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Hot and Bothered,

Right away I see the root of your problem. You were a rabid As the World Turns fan, possibly even a cast member, and now that the show is canceled you are trying to fill the void in your life with a personal soap opera. We could call your version As My World Implodes. Because that’s exactly what will happen if you “just throw caution to the wind” which I assume is a tasteless euphemism for “screw my friend’s husband.”

As many times we Mouthy Housewives see humor in things, I really don’t see how you can play along and be funny about this in front of your friend. How would that work? “Tee he he, Jon, you’re such a flirt. Jane, we all know your husband wants a piece of my badonkadonk. Isn’t that funny, your husband lusting after your friend?!”

Your only option is obvious:   Ignore him. And by ignore him, I mean stop being around him. It’s one thing to appreciate that a friend’s spouse is a hottie and think she’s a lucky girl.   It’s even acceptable to sometimes fantasize about sex with in-real-life people. But decency ends there and I think you know it.

Signed,

Heather, TMH

P.S. What drug do you slip into your husband’s nightcap that he thinks it’s funny you want to shag another man? I might like to keep some stashed in case I ever run into Daniel Craig and shag him. I certainly want my husband to see the humor in that!

11 Responses to “Real Housewives of Backstab County, Episode 1”

12.31.10#1

Comment by calliope.

I…have nothing constructive to add. Other than if your husband is okay with you banging another guy, I think there are some communities especially for swingers. Maybe you could move there?

12.31.10#2

Comment by carma.

I find it hard to believe you would even consider “throwing caution to the wind”. I agree that ignoring him is the best option, any talk about this will give him the impression you have considered fulfilling his desires. It sounds like you want some drama in your life. How about focusing on your own marriage & trying to spice things up a bit?

12.31.10#3

Comment by Kimberly.

Is this a real question or did you guys make this up? I think this was an episode of Big Love.

Or did this question come from Appalacia?

12.31.10#4

Comment by StephanieG.

I’m finding it hard to believe you still have friends. REALLY?

Keeping Friends Rule #1: DO NOT SHAG THEIR HUSBANDS. Ever.

Good gawd. Go buy a vibrator and think about your not to be hottie while you give yourself a little lovin. But don’t move in on your friend’s man. Ever.

12.31.10#5

Comment by Wendi.

This question is real.

And I’d like that Daniel Craig drug, too, please.

12.31.10#6

Comment by Lisa.

How about you tell him directly to knock it off?

Sheesh, I get how this is a nice ego trip and all for you, but you are causing constant pain to your FRIEND, forcing her to watch this. What is wrong with you?

Albug Reply:

Lisa,

I agree, the friend is probably aware and it most likely hurts like crazy! Hot and Bothered needs to back off! Let the kids play together, but cool the couple thing until you see the error of your thinking. This isn’t just about you and your friend’s husband it’s about a group of little lives as well. Nothing good will come from this ever.

01.01.11#7

Comment by Skchord.

I, too, am having a hard time believing this one. I can only imagine the tension it’s causing in her friends marraige. StephanieG got it spot on though…NEVER mess with your girlfriend’s man…NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER even under threat of poison or hot needles. Furthermore, if you’re husband is laughing at the fact you’d like to screw someone so close to you, perhaps you should examine his relationships as men that open are usually already open, too.

01.01.11#8

Comment by Plano Mom.

The only taken man that’s available is a Ken doll. But not mine.

GrandeMocha Reply:

LOL!!!

01.06.11#9

Comment by Elle Oneil.

Wow. Who hasn’t fantasized about a real life person (like say, your brother in law) but to even seriously consider ACTING on the fantasy…wow?! I agree that it should never happen and that it sucks for the friend to be watching this but my biggest concern is for the kids (as someone mentioned). “My mommy wants to shag your daddy! Tee hee.” WTF?

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