27 May
Put the ‘U’ in Uterus

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m 35 and my husband and I are done having kids. I’m having some surgery in a few months and my husband wants me to get my tubes tied while I’m having the other procedure done. But I don’t want to. I’m not sure exactly why. The idea of having my tubes tied makes me feel old and washed up, I guess. My husband keeps pressuring me. What should I do?

Signed,
Fit to be Tied

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear To Be Tied,

You are completely right; having your tubes tied will make you old and washed up, just like a prune. How do I know? My sister had hers tied and I didn’t, and now I am the fresh and younger looking one while she looks, well, old and washed up. Also? It turned her monthly periods into something so bloody Stephen King could work it into one of his novels. I’m pretty sure he’d title it Tampon Cemetery.

There is a reason uterus starts with a ‘u’ and that’s because U get to decide. This touches on a personal creed of mine that I find highly useful in life: whoever has the body part being chopped, sliced, or diced gets to decide. This applies well to ear piercing, circumcision, and lobotomies. Though with lobotomies, in-laws and contestants on The Price Is Right naturally negate their right to choose and we just give them one for humanity’s sake.

So here’s what you do: when your husband has his next root canal, tell him to go ahead and have a vasectomy while he’s at it. Gesh, we women only go in every year for vaginal dustin’ and a-cleanin! (I won’t even pull the pregnancy and childbirth card.) The least the man in our life can do is have a simple outpatient procedure on his balls once in his life. I sat through my husband’s vasectomy and there is nothing to it. As long as you can stand the smell of burning vas deferens when they cauterize it, all while he giggles like a little girl from the awesome drugs they gave him, which may or may not give rise to deep resentment, because where in the hell were those awesome drugs while I was IN LABOR?!  I don’t know why we burned bras if not for equal rights to drugs.

Bottom line is don’t let your husband pressure you into something as permanent as a tubal ligation. It’s your body part, your decision. At the very least, in the name of Feminism, hold out until we get the vasectomy drugs. Seven years later, I’m still pissed he got giggly drugs and I didn’t.

Signed,

Heather, TMH

15 Responses to “Put the ‘U’ in Uterus”

05.27.10#1

Comment by Sophie.

HE wants YOU to get tubal ligation? WTF?!?? What sort of man is he, anyhow?
Heather is 100% right.

05.27.10#2

Comment by From Belgium.

Yup I agree 100%. Since I am now pregnant with child n °2 and don’t really want any more childeren for a long long long time I told hubs that he has three options : a) non-final vasectomy (the one where they can reverse the procedure if necessary) b)condoms c) no sex.

05.27.10#3

Comment by Cheryl.

Heather, you owe me one laptop. I think spewed Diet Coke causes permanent damage when it spews all over the damn thing.

Please contact me at cantstopgiggling@damnthatwasfunny.comedy

Cheryl Reply:

See how I used 2 forms of spew to make my point? Clever, right? Nah, it was a mistake.

05.27.10#4

Comment by MommyTime.

There are many far less permanent things you can do — like an IUD, for example. I know precisely how you feel because while we are theoretically “done,” I’m having trouble with the whole “washed up” feeling that just getting an IUD incites in me. And that thing is removable in five minutes. Bottom line: don’t do what doesn’t make you comfortable.

05.27.10#5

Comment by Notes | Queen of Shake Shake.

[…] convenient, I’m giving advice over there today too. Don’t let your husband boss you or your fallopian tubes around! Feel free to add your opinion. Fallopian tubes and/or uterus not […]

05.27.10#6

Comment by dusty earth mother.

I love you guys. Where else can I read a phrase like “burning vas deferens”?

05.27.10#7

Comment by Kit.

Dear FTBT-
The only person who can decide to make a decision like that is you.
However, I will tell you that having my tubes tied is liberating from a birth control perspective. After our 4th (LAST) child was born I did not want to be on the pill anymore and didn’t care for condoms. Since I had a c-section it was easy to do them at the same time. Otherwise it would have been the hubs.
Regarding old and washed up I feel that way sometimes but think it has more to do with 4 kids than my snipped fallopian tubes. DARN, now I have to go google fallopian tubal ligation side effects.
Bottom line, it’s up to you!
Kit

05.27.10#8

Comment by April.

I had a tubal ligation at 23. Yes, 23. It didn’t freak me out at all because I was certain I didn’t want another kid and birth control isn’t an option for me with other medical problems.

Just wanted to chime in that it is absolutely your choice and only your choice to make to have it done or not but if you’re only leaning toward no because you are afraid you will feel old and washed up, I’d like to reassure you that it changes nothing except that you can then be sexually adventurous to your heart’s content and no worries about pregnancy. It’s extremely liberating.

05.27.10#9

Comment by Finn.

Feeling “old and washed up” is entirely up to you. I went into menopause at 38, so I get it. But YOU have control over how you view things.

That being said, a vasectomy is a much easier, less invasive procedure. I don’t know what you’re already getting done, but my opinion is, don’t mess around with internal organs unless it’s absolutely necessary. My husband had a vasectomy – it was easy, relatively painless and just as effective.

05.27.10#10

Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

This sounds like a dirty ploy by your husband to have risk-free nightly S.E.X. If you do this, you’re going to have to come up with a mirgraine disorder. Or else you’ll never get to watch Cougar Town again.

05.27.10#11

Comment by joeinvegas.

Yup, have him get his tubes tied. Lots easier, cheaper, and just as effective.

05.27.10#12

Comment by Wendi.

Heather, you’re priceless. Great advice from all the commentors, too.

And I’d totally buy “Tampon Cemetery” in hardcover.

05.27.10#13

Comment by writingmama04.

I wanted to have my tubes tied after child #3 was born – but the Catholic hospital where she was born had some silly policy against things like that. My husband had a vasectomy instead. Hence, we got Caroline, our sweet thing #4 only 13 months after #3. Am I sad? No way – someone else had other plans. And my husband had to have a 2nd vasectomy. So there is some justice in the world afterall!

05.27.10#14

Comment by Heather.

So you people are saying that I look fresher and younger than my sister simply because I am prettier by default? We have the BEST readers!

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