06 Mar
Please Stop Wanting Sex From Me! This Girl is Tired.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband is addicted to sex. No matter what I do, he wants sex all the time. It’s so bad that I pretend I’m asleep when he reaches over to feel my body or I sleep in the guest room to avoid him.  I make him angry at me so he won’t want to have sex but nothing is working anymore. He gets mad when I tell him no or when I act like I don’t hear him.

I feel trapped in my own home. I don’t even like my body anymore because of his addiction.  It’s gotten so out of control that I’m close to just filing for a divorce. I need advice because I do love him but I’m just so tired of the sex.

Signed,

Get Off Me Hubby

_________________________________

Dear Get Off Me Hubby,

Tell David Duchovny or Tiger Woods or whoever the hell you are married to to give you some peace for gosh sakes. How is a nice lady like yourself supposed to enjoy hours of television viewing each night if you’ve got some big hairy ape constantly groping you. The Bachelor needs some attention too.

Please know that you are not alone. Other women out there are dealing with this.  I know that the American Psychiatric Association has yet to recognize sexual addiction as a real addiction but it sounds pretty real to us. Just ask Téa Leoni.

I think your husband needs to find some new extracurricular activities to keep his hands busy. Like dishes. Laundry. Mopping the floor. Spanking the monkey. That sort of thing. If he is in desperate need of being satisfied, he should handle some of that responsibility.

Your body does not belong to him. Yes, sex is an important part of any marriage. But his incessant sexual demands do not make for a healthy relationship. The two of you need to get to a couple’s therapist as soon as possible. This situation is not going to resolve itself.

I’m worried that you describe him as getting angry when you say no. If you feel like he might get violent with you, then you should perhaps seek help from a counselor on your own before addressing this with him.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you are respected, not sexually mauled at every opportunity. Good luck to you.

Kelcey, TMH

20 Responses to “Please Stop Wanting Sex From Me! This Girl is Tired.”

03.06.12#1

Comment by Brett Minor.

I don’t think she said he gets angry when she says no. She said that she makes him angry hoping that then he will not want to.

I would be curious to know how often he is expecting it. Does he insist every night or is it a couple of times a week and it is just more than you want?

How often does he actually get it? If he wants it every night, but hasn’t gotten it in a month, then there is a different issue at hand.

If he is overly stimulated (or horny), then counseling may be in order.

03.06.12#2

Comment by Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him.

I know only one way to stop sex: Have children.

(but don’t really)

sisterfunkhaus Reply:

I have a friend who had this problem and getting pg made it worse. Turns out, he was turned on by pg chicks, and he loved kids. They ended up having four b/c he would poke hole in his condoms. They are divorced now.

I know you were totally joking, but don’t ever have kids with someone until your problems are ironed out b/c it attaches you for life basically to someone you may not want to be with.

Avprobeauty Reply:

yeah I no offense but having a baby with someone is not a good way to keep them around… especially if there are serious underlying issues obviously that need to be resolved first

03.06.12#3

Comment by sisterfunkhaus.

I am curious as to whether she has talked to him about it. I would let him know that my sex drive does not match his and that it was repulsing me. I would also spell out to him a reasonable amount of sex that I was willing to have and tell him that otherwise, he is out of luck and will have to take care of it himself.

If he can’t respect your desires and isn’t willing to talk about it or compromise, I would say that you should leave b/c you deserve to have your needs/desires respected. You deserve to be able to relax and sleep in your own bed.

03.06.12#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

Is he offering other sources of intimacy (hugging, kissing, caressing, doing dishes or laundry) during the day? Physical intimacy is so much more than sex, but men don’t often get that. Perhaps a heart to heart can help him understand that physical intimacy starts outside the bedroom, from the minute you wake up.

Wendi Reply:

Great thought.

03.06.12#5

Comment by N and Em's mom.

Yesterday, Kelley commented about “unspoken expectations” in relationships- a really insightful comment. Is this something new or has her husband always been like this? Did the letter writer expect things to change over time? I am getting the impression that he is waking her up at night. I tend to say charming things like “I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it if you wake me up again!” so I am not really objective if sleep deprivation is part of the issue.

Plano Mom Reply:

Very good point. I too do not tolerate being awakened by anyone other than Barry Manilow (that one was for you Wendi).

Wendi Reply:

I’ll take it with a smile.

03.06.12#6

Comment by Elizabeth.

I had a friend who had a husband that was the same way. She begged him to go to the doctor but he thought SHE was the one with the problem. They almost got divorced over it. She finally told him to find a hooker because that’s how he made her feel. That one hit home and he slowed down some. But he’s still an annoying horn dog. Saltpeter anyone?

03.06.12#7

Comment by Chelle.

We had this problem for years and it turned me off so badly that now we have NO sex. Obviously, that is not the answer, but I can’t stand being groped. Where the hell is the romance in that?

Why can’t guys get that turning on some music, lighting a few candles, and asking your girl to dance with you will get you so much farther than grabbing her boobs when you get into bed?

Men really are from a different planet and I don’t know how to fix our problem. I think he’s finally just come to accept that I have no sex drive. That’s not exactly true. I just want there to be some intimacy involved.

03.06.12#8

Comment by Yoohoo.

Oh man, this letter almost had me in tears. I dated a man 20 years my senior (no judgments, please – I was naive) and that was ALL he wanted, night and day, did not allow me to say no without a huge fight, would call in sick to work if I was at home sick from work so he could screw all day… it was a nightmare. He kept himself horned up with his increasingly-worsening porn addiction and used me as a pincushion.

YOUR BODY IS YOUR OWN. It’s one of the ONLY things in life you can get control of! You have a RIGHT to say no and to have your body and boundaries respected. If he won’t go to couples counseling with you, if you feel unsafe being honest about all of this when the two of you are with a counselor, or if you do any research on sociopaths and it sets off all kinds of alarms for you, RUN AWAY from that relationship.

I know this sounds extreme, but this is potentially sexually abusive (especially if he is waking you up to have sex and doesn’t respect your boundaries, and if you feel unsafe saying NO).

Please get help for yourself. It’s not going to end without some kind of action on your part.

03.07.12#9

Comment by kokopuff.

“He gets mad when I tell him no.” What part of this was unclear to you?

This couple needs counseling, badly.

03.07.12#10

Comment by Cynthia M.

It’s really not unreasonable for him to want it all the time if he’s never getting it. I’d have to wonder which came first, the husband’s constant desire or the wife’s avoidance.

There’s definitely a communication problem here and a couple in need of counseling.

03.09.12#11

Comment by D.

I’m an odd women. I really enjoy sex. Like REALLY enjoy it. My husband was the complete opposite. He could probably have gone without sex and not have had any issues. It was TERRIBLE being rejected all of the time. Sometimes I wondered what was wrong with me that he wouldn’t want to get me naked. Then, he had a medication change and WHAMMO. Sex drive. His allergy medications were just completely suppressing it.
You aren’t very specific in your OP. I don’t know if he wants it every hour or if once a week is all he’s really asking for. Take a good look at yourself. Is it you? Do you need to see a doctor and find out if there is something medically wrong that is preventing you from wanting a normal sex life?
Alternatively, if he really is a sex addict and once an hour isn’t even enough for him, you have my sympathy. Sometimes a vagina just needs a chance to recover! If it’s really him, go see a counselor. Alone if he won’t go with you.

03.13.12#12

Comment by My Marriage Needs Some Magic of the Carpet Ride Variety | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] though it never hurts to actually SPEAK to your spouse for clarity. But I’ll run with the SEXSEXSEX angle for a moment here. Sex magic is going to mean any number of things, and will differ depending […]

07.10.12#13

Comment by B.

wow this made me so SAD!

it sounds like marital rape to me, actually.(i really hope it hasn’t gotten that far). just because you’re married doesn’t mean it’s not sexual harassment.

he doesn’t respect you or your body.

i am not trying to break up a marriage, but i support 100% anyone who wants to end the marriage for this reason.

if you stay together, therapy should happen for sure.

don’t put up with it!! it is just wrong.

10.02.12#14

Comment by I'm Sexy And I Know It, So Why Do I Hate Sex? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] I don’t like sex. I used to, but now I don’t and I have no idea why. My husband is very patient about it, but I have felt this way for the majority of our 3 1/2 year marriage. […]

11.06.12#15

Comment by Welcome to the No Sex Club! Did You Bring Snacks? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] Dear In a Pickle, First of all, congratulations and welcome to the “No Sex Club”! I myself have been a card carrying member for the last 10 years and honey, it ain’t that bad! […]

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