It’s Guest Mouthy Housewife Friday and today we have The Checkout Girl filling in! The day I discovered her blog is the day that I learned what happiness was. And as a bonus, she has another blog. About..er…Motherhood (language warning!) Enjoy! -Marinka
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
What is the best way to convince my husband NOT to get a dog? He desperately wants one (and so do the kids) and they are all begging me endlessly. I do not want a dog. Help me before it’s too late and I’m spending every waking moment with Fido.
I Already Have A Best Friend
The barking, the fleas, the neediness, the pooping on the floor, who needs it? And now he wants a dog?
My guess is your husband will attempt to sway you by saying that he and the kids will do all of the work and you won’t have to lift a finger. Guess what? It never works! What if you DO lift a finger? Are you allowed to litigate? Last I checked, there was no Law & Order: Forgetful Stupidity. Judge Judy might take your case but there’s no guarantee that once she sees those babies of yours batting their eyelashes and pouting, “We just wuv our widdle doggie” that she is going to side with you. Kids is tricky, sister, and so is TV judges.
Let me tell you a little story. I wanted a dog, too. Well, it was between a dog and a baby but the pound rarely takes babies back and so I chose a dog. The other day I came home and she had dragged my clothes out of the hamper and eaten the crotch out of all of them. Not chewed; eaten. The moral of that story: always wear the jeans that make your butt look magnif, because you never know when the clothes on your back will end up being all you are left with. Also, your dog might be gay and you don’t even know it. I mean, dogs don’t have pride parades, you know?
My question to you is this: how far are you willing to go to convince the hubs not to get a pooch? Extra kisses far? Extra kisses while naked far? Extra kisses while naked and wearing a dog collar far? Is expressing your extreme misgivings to him clearly (and loudly, if necessary) not enough? If that’s the case, maybe *he* should wear the dog collar.
A decision this major (and potentially wardrobe-altering) should be made jointly and not something that one person (and a few little half-people) decides and sets out to whine the other person into. Don’t be swayed, sister. Stand your ground and tell the chewed crotch story. If nothing else, maybe you’ll distract him with pity for me and my Victoria’s Secrets. If not, get the collar.
The Checkout Girl, Guest TMH