16 May
Oops, I Let My Husband’s Mistress Move In With Us

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband decided he didn’t want to be active in Church any more in 2007. Then he decided he wanted to move and go to school. He had lots of reasons and so he signed up for school and went off while I stayed at our house for 2 months and fixed it up to sell. While he was at school he met this woman who was single with grown kids and living off her retirement.

He started doing things with this woman especially if I was out of the house. Soon every time I was gone, when I came home she was there. He started inviting her over all the time. We started going on vacations with her. But she was just his best friend. He started telling me all about her life and what she loved and what she was interested in. One time he was really drunk and was telling me how much he loved her.

After some family trouble, she had to move east and my husband fell into a deep depression. He became combative and uncommunicative.  Then, one day, he called to tell me they were moving in with us. Eventually, the son left, but she is still here, living with us. She doesn’t pay us a thing and she doesn’t do anything but a few dishes once in a while. He buys her food and computers and anything else she talks about. Now she is taking trips all over the country and the world. When I told him I didn’t like paying for everything for her so she could take trips around the world he told me I was selfish and he enjoyed making her life better for her.

She has started telling me I’m doing stuff wrong. I told him about it and he said it was my fault because I act like I want to be disciplined. He told me the other day that he didn’t want me making him breakfast any more because he wanted to have to go into the kitchen when she does so he can visit with her.

I am so embarrassed I have let this happen and I am so devastated. He is very good to me and he acts like he loves me but then he does stuff like this. I don’t know what to do! If I leave will it be the wrong thing? Am I being selfish?

Signed,

Living With the Enemy

_____________________________

Dear Living With the Enemy,

Holy COW, did you hear that noise? That was the world’s loudest and longest record screech, and I think it started right around the time you mentioned how he met this woman while “away” at “school.” And, in fact, I’m not sure it hasn’t stopped screeching. (BRB, getting earplugs.)

My advice for you here is going to be clear, direct, and swift: LEAVE. You need to leave him. You need to leave HER. You need to leave this situation, like, yesterday.

Now, I’m a little worried that you may read this and think, “but…” and so I’m going to repeat myself a bit just so you understand.

You need to leave even if the following things occur:

1. He says he loves you.
2. She says she loves you.
3. You are still breathing.
4. It’s the middle of the day.
5. It’s the middle of the night.
6. He apologizes.
7. She apologizes.
8. She leaves.
9. He leaves.
10. John Boehner looks tan.

L-E-A-V-E. Leave, leave, leave. Leave? LEAVE.

Love will make us to crazy things, woman, and as crazy as this situation has become, I’m sure you are not alone. Certain, even. And my heart breaks for you that you’re hurting and embarrassed. What your husband has done is not okay, and it’s certainly not your fault. You are not being selfish. You are not crazy. You are maybe feeling a little desperate, lonely, and afraid, but this is something from which you can recover. You have no power over your husband’s choices…only your own. You simply need to find the courage, confidence, and dignity to walk away from this man and never look back. Find a friend or therapist in whom to confide, gather some momentum and flee, girl.

Run like the wind,

Kristine, TMH

17 Responses to “Oops, I Let My Husband’s Mistress Move In With Us”

05.16.13#1

Comment by Diona.

I agree. LEAVE! Right the freak now, not tomorrow, not “after I talk to them about how I’m feeling”, cuz they don’t care. They are being selfish! Not you and actually at this point you need to be selfish, so leave, leave, LEAVE!

05.16.13#2

Comment by StephanieG.

I’m sorry. But how in the world is he “very good” to you? He is financing computers and trips for his mistress and banning you from meals with him. That’s not “very good” for anyone but the mistress.

Pack your stuff and move the hell out. Today. Do not pass go. Just get out.

Then, get yourself to a therapist, and find out how to set boundaries, and how to allow yourself to be loved as you deserve to be loved.

You absolutely deserve more than you’re getting. I hope you find it.

Kristine Reply:

Agreed. I think maybe sometimes we cling to past memories, but they don’t replace current treatment and hurt. I’m such an advocate for therapy, but this seems just too far gone, especially when he’s placing the blame on the wife.

05.16.13#3

Comment by tammigirl.

I have to admit, sometimes when I read the letters here I think they might be jokes because they are so difficult to believe. And this one is. And then I read the news and realize anything is possible.

Kristine Reply:

I KNOW. This one is true-blue, I’m afraid. Let’s hope she can turn this train around.

Karin W Reply:

I think the same thing sometimes but I worked with a woman who’s husband did this to her while they were moving states – he started his job several months before she finished a project for work. She ended up divorcing him

05.16.13#4

Comment by Wendi.

Great answer, Kristine. I read this one in the inbox and wasn’t sure where to even start. You nailed it.

05.16.13#5

Comment by Pam - Housewives of Frederick County.

Your signature says it all “Living with the Enemy”. Is this how you want your life to be? You only get one shot at life. This is it. This ain’t no dress rehearsal. There is happiness out there for you to grab and take. Stop wasting your time on this ass-clown. I know, much easier said than done. Get some professional help, build up a support network, start a new life without him. You will be so much happier and more in control of your life. Best of luck to you!!

05.21.13#6

Comment by Chrsitie.

“One time he was really drunk and was telling me how much he loved her”.
He told you, his wife, that he loved someone else.
He is paying for her rent, food, luxury items and trips.
He has asked to spend less time with you so that he can spend more time with her.
Your answer has been given to you- it is just too hard to hear.
You deserve better. Leave him and find someone that wants to have breakfast with you and go on trips with you and tell you he loves you.
You deserve better.

Cate8 Reply:

amen

05.23.13#7

Comment by Patricia.

Wow what a crazy story but I suppose one so easily drawn into esp if a man is controlling to a certain degree. He sounds very controlling and I too would walk out and let him not have his cake and eat it. Sounds like he is after the best of both worlds and as for the woman who is taking advantage she is disgusting. I would not walk but run believe you me/

05.28.13#8

Comment by I Love Him For His Weiner...Dog | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] What do you want for yourself? Does your vision of happiness rest within a man who functions as a child, has no purpose or drive, and irritates the shit out of you? Of course not. (I mean, if it DOES, then maybe you are suited for each other. And/or a therapist.) You deserve better. […]

05.29.13#9

Comment by Cate8.

Would you be allowed to invite a male friend in? Maybe you and your new friend could go on trips and such?
Ridiculous!

08.10.13#10

Comment by Lauren.

I met someone like this yesterday. Husband doesn’t work, started out doing threesomes, now he has wife pick up his mistress who he loves, and she stays for days. Wife gets up and fixes breakfast, lunch and dinner for everyone. He lays in the room with mistress at wife’s house. She texts him to come to her room, washes him off, and screws him. Then he goes back to mistress. He doesn’t have money, car fresh out of prison. She pays for everything. Picks up and drops off mistress. Mistress not the only one. Just the one he currently loves. She is a big lady but I thought her story was out the Twilight Zone so i googled and found this site. Another one?? SMH …Run girl, run.

08.29.13#11

Comment by 8littlebums.

WHAT!!!! OMG. I love that you are all saying run. HELL TO THE NO! DON”T RUN!Walk down the street and FIND yourself an attorney. Any attorney will do. They could be fresh off the turnip truck called lawschool and would be able to get you the house. HELLO! KICK his bu ta ta. OUT THE DOOR. Let him pay for him and her an apartment instead of her a lavish vaca around the world. I think for all of your pain and suffering you at least deserve the house, car, yard and whatever nick nacks you want. Let him be good to you by paying you alimony.
PS Also take the computer he bought her. You deserve that too. hmmph!

02.21.14#12

Comment by another.

There are a million different relationships in the world and if you, your husband and this woman can make it work, then you should consider being together. He can continue to love you, and love her, and you can live together happily and enrich each others lives. If you have the means to support her and make her life better, why not? Just make sure that there is a balance between all of your relationships.

04.13.14#13

Comment by Married.

Please leave that sounds horrible. I let a new, older, coworker who didn’t have an apartment stay with us for a few weeks when we were newlyweds and I STILL hate her. I hate her I hate her I hate her. They would leave together for work in the morning while I stayed at home. She kept trying to come back and live with us. Asking my husband what hotel should she stay in that is good and trying to save money by staying at our home. I told my husband to put his foot down. He thinks that the same gender can’t ‘help’ each other. She was such an IDIOT to stay with a newlywed couple even if they offered! I didn’t want to start my marriage as a lame wife so I said yes 🙁 my husband just wanted to help someone struggling but it was horrible and could not have happened at a worse time in our lives.

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