08 Jun
OMG, My Husband is a Pregnancy Freakazoid

Summertime and the livin’ is LAZY. That’s why today we welcome back a fabulous guest housewife, Muffin Top Mommy! MTM is a hilarious writer and blogger who you should definitely check out. I had the pleasure of partying with her in a Dayton, Ohio Ramada Inn last year and I’ll never be the same again. Welcome MTM! –Wendi

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband and I have a strong, solid relationship. I am currently seven months pregnant with our first child. We are both ecstatic about our future addition. The problem is that my husband is starting to DRIVE. ME. CRAZY. He has always been a touchy-feely kind of guy, but it seems to have escalated to new heights now that we have a baby on the way. He loves rubbing my belly and talking to my stomach, which is fine when we are in the privacy of our own home. However, he does it in public A LOT. I’ve told him how it made me (and others) feel uncomfortable, and he always replies, “Honey, I’m just excited. I think people understand that and probably think it’s sweet.”

In addition to the constant tummy touching, he has become OBSESSED with getting our home ready and organized for baby-to-be. When I came home from work the other day, he had painted the nursery while I was gone. We had never discussed colors or themes, and I don’t like it at all. Again, he insisted that he was being helpful and excited, and he just couldn’t understand why I was so annoyed. Should I just suck it up and appreciate his enthusiasm for his impending fatherhood, or should I buck up and tell him to take it down a few notches?

Signed,

Hormones + Hubby = HELLLLP!

___________________________

Dear Hormones + Hubby,

When I was gigundously pregnant, I found myself at a  party where  the  Patron was a flowin’–for everyone but moi. And sure enough, some fool  teetered  along and proceeded to rub  his paws  right over my  cheap ass-not-thick-enough-mystery-material-  ‘Precious Cargo’-  frock. (Don’t even think I didn’t take note for future pregnancies. There is a pic of me at a subsequent holiday party in sherpa fleece. Winning!)

Really, nothing like being stone cold sober and having  Grubby McSleazypaws  grub all over  my belly. I felt like grown up frat boy had copped a feel,  but not in a good, hazy,  booze filled/I think he might’ve been kinda hot in an  awkward John  Cusack  way.  I wanted to scream as my hubs stood inches away swillin’ and chillin’, while I was getting  violated mere steps  away. (Awesome guy, but  he  could not make the connection to my indignation. I  contest that all guys  love the  notion that a random girl  would rub them anywhere. Try to disprove me.)

But  honey, here’s the good news: at  least the  one doing the violating is your actual hubs. So score one for you! I’m sure your hub’s overzealous baby PDA and rabid HGTV’ing  truly is borne out of love and excitement. And face it,  we all know gals who have TOADS for husbands–asshats who  don’t even know their own kid’s names,  let alone  give a thought to painting a nursery.  So your problem, while sketching you out and making you want to get all  stabby  with your flat iron to his backside, will not seem half as bad once you give birth—I promise. His enthusiasm will make him a great daddy.

It took two of you to get this baby growing in your belly, and it’s going to take two of you to raise it. With that comes a lot of excitement as well as challenges. There will be many decisions to make beyond the obvious room decor and school districts. Like Gap or Gymboree, Pampers or Huggies, Chardonnay or Pinot (I mean for you, not the kid!). Like everything in your marriage, it’s a partnership, fitty-fitty. You probably wouldn’t run out and choose a car or a sofa without him, so why’s he painting a nursery without consulting the MOM to be?

He’s  batshit crazy in love with you and the baby and he  just  can’t control himself,  but it’s  temporary. What’s not temporary is you both need to be honest and give your input. I think like anything in marriage, and life,  you have to be honest.  I’m all for laying it out there—if you can’t lay it on the line with the father of your babe, your best friend, and your partner in crime, who can you be straight with? Just tell him, flat out–“I appreciate the motive, but not the crime. Knock it off with the belly groping and playing Candace Olsen or  dude, you’re gonna get sidelined and bounced into that waiting room at the delivery while some tequila drinking neighborhood troll  stands in for you  instead.”

If that doesn’t scare him straight, then  I suggest you  load up on sherpa fleece. And find a good painter.Good luck, sister friend. It’s an exciting time, and you’ve got one of the good ones!

In muffin tops, 

Muffin Top Mommy, Guest TMH

11 Responses to “OMG, My Husband is a Pregnancy Freakazoid”

06.08.11#1

Comment by calliope.

I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I understand how you feel. I don’t mind when my husband feels my belly or talks to/kisses it in private, but he’s also taken to basically rubbing my belly instead of holding my hand in public. Or if he sees someone he knows on the street he introduces me and proceeds to put his hand on my belly like he’s introducing the fetus too.
And don’t even get me started on the rebuilding of the ground floor he and his dad decided to start about a month ago because of the “if not now, when?” attitude they got after 2 or so years of procrastination while I wasn’t pregnant.
Great time to decide to destroy the place we normally cook/prepare food, right?

Anyway, I totally, totally understand how you feel and I’ve complained to my parents numerous times and my mom, but especially my dad both keep reminding me that this is my husband’s first baby too and he’s excited and stressed and all the other things I’m feeling too (aside from the hormones and uterus cramps).

And if you think about it, in a way we’re lucky. We have the baby with us all the time. We have all the contact and connection with the baby until he/she comes out. Our husbands don’t get to feel that. They’re stuck on the outside looking in.

So I try really hard to be patient, even if my husband does something really annoying because I’d rather he care and show interest then not so anything at all.

06.08.11#2

Comment by Kimberly.

He painted the nursery in one work day? Either he’s Superman or you work 48 hour work days… or my husband was lying when he said painting a room is an all weekend project combined with watching golf and beer.

Does he do laundry too? OMG my head is spinning.

cate8 Reply:

luv your reply!

06.08.11#3

Comment by natecammom.

OMG! Can I just tell you how jealous I am? When I was 7 months pregnant with our first, husband dislocated his knee and tore his quadricep. So he was in a cast up from hip to ankle until two days after our son was born. He couldn’t do anything. I had to do all the shopping, driving, painting, cleaning, etc. It sucked!!!

06.08.11#4

Comment by Kelly.

I don’t have kids yet, but this sounds uber-annoying to me. I think you need to redirect his positive energy into less annoying and more productive activities. Get a book about pregnancy massage. Find all those little home improvements that are easily overlooked but might cause “hazard” to the baby….you know, have him retile the bathroom floor or replace the countertops; repaint anything that’s peeling (works especially well if you live in an old house and need to cover up lead paint!). This sweet husband of yours is not trying to be annoying, but perhaps with a little direction from you, he can put his nervous energy to work!

raleigh mom Reply:

great ideas!

06.08.11#5

Comment by StephanieG.

Man, what I wouldn’t give to get knocked up by a guy that involved in things! You are a lucky, lucky girl.

I predict your beloved will be more than happy to get up in the night with your little bundle of joy, change dirty diapers, and will be delighted to be on Daddy Duty so you can take a nap.

My husband was more than happy to participate in the conception process and loves our 7-year old with every ounce of his being. He coaches her soccer team, goes to school functions, and puts up with her Bieber Fever like a true champ. I can’t imagine how protective Papa Bear will be when she starts talking about boys. But I digresss….

When I was pregnant, he was totally checked out. I designed the nursery, ordered the furniture, decorated her room. I read the pregnancy books, went to most of my OB appts on my own, and poured over lists of baby names. He let me do what I wanted, wrote the checks and was there to catch her when she was born, but that’s pretty much the extent of his involvement in the early days.

After she was born, he was happy just to hold her and love her and marvel in her perfection, while I got stuck with the majority of the baby-raising. I changed diapers, I fed her in the middle of the night (in all fairness, I breastfed, so that was my choice), dressed her in the cute outfits, drove her to daycare, etc.

My husband is a great dad, but I sure would have loved to had more involvement on his part during our pregnancy and in those early years.

Count yourself lucky to have such a great guy, and if you really hate the color of the nursery, tell him. Sounds to me like he loves you enough to repaint it!

This is the last time it will ever be just you and your husband. Let him shower you with whatever affection he will share, because once that baby gets here, your family will find a whole new focus.

I wish you and your bouncing baby (and his/her ecstatic father) the very best. May you be healthy and happy!

06.08.11#6

Comment by Danielle.

Well, though I’m glad he’s excited he needs to learn his boundries. My husband had a touchy feely problem. Groping me in front of my parents even. Gotta lay down the law there sister. Just tell him that though you love him doing that in PRIVATE if he does it in public you’ll have to pretend he’s a spider and smack him. Then, do it. He’s just being disrespectful right now. You’ve asked him to cut it down, that’s not too much to ask. Now he needs to respect that and keep his touching to himself.

As for the painting. Great he did it not great he didn’t ask you first. If he would paint without your input what else would he do?

Boundries boundries boundries!

06.08.11#7

Comment by Rojopaul.

Ya’ll covered it pretty well, so here’s MY two cents: Huggies if it’s a boy and Pampers if it’s a girl. 🙂

06.10.11#8

Comment by Updates! In EZ-To- Read Format.

[…] boob-showing friend on Facebook, gave Congressman Anthony Weiner some much-needed guidance, told a preggo what to do about her touchy-feely husband, counseled a woman whose husband gets migraines and […]

06.11.11#9

Comment by Poker Chick.

All you have to say is this:

“Honey, I’m just excited. I think people understand that and probably think it’s sweet.”

YOU don’t understand and YOU don’t think it’s sweet.

‘Nuff said.

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