Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Why don’t hubbies like to give pocket money to their wives who don’t work? They run the house, take care of the kids, etc. How can housewives get a little fun money from their husbands?
Dear Mrs. Pauper,
I’d like to welcome you to our first ever Time Warp Thursday. Just step into our time machine, watch me set the dial back to 1952, and enjoy the wormhole!
Here we are in 1952, and I assume from your question this is the period you live in. That, or you’re an alien from another galaxy. Either way, even in the pre-feminist ’50s, women have ways of getting money out of their husbands. One is through a women’s movement called Oral Sex for Mink Coats. The ideology is women perform special sexual favors for their husband, who will be so pleased and satisfied that he happily gives his wife whatever money she wants.
We move forward to 1980 and PETA shows up, putting an end to the Oral Sex for Mink Coats movement (how dare they), so women are left to do what they must, thus creating the era of Homemaker Embezzlement & Money Laundering. Few are even aware of this dark period in housewifery, so let me explain how it works.
“Why yes, honey, little Susie’s shoes did cost $39.95. It’s impossible to find kids’ shoes under $30 anymore!”
And then you take the $15 left (because Susie’s shoes only cost $15 in 1985), “accidently” wash it with Wednesday’s laundry and it’s yours to keep. Everyone knows any money found in the washer is the wife’s money. This laundering works on grocery money too. An added bonus is, like all laundered money, you don’t pay taxes on it.
Now we enter the time period called the Present, where Feminism dictates such tactics as Oral Sex for Mink Coats and Homemaker Embezzlement & Money Laundering as beneath us. What did the women of the 1960’s sacrifice for if not for our right to an ATM card?! Why did they burn all of those bras if not for us to have a Paypal account secretly linked to our joint checking?! Sure, get a job if you want, but in this day there is no asking your husband for pocket money anymore. You just take it because it’s half yours anyway.