13 Mar
My Marriage Needs Some Magic of the Carpet Ride Variety

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband and I have been married for twelve years (together for 17), and we have no kids. Recently, he’s been talking about wanting to “keep the magic” in our relationship. But, frankly, I’m kind of lost. How does one go about daily life and all of its non-magical moments while keeping the spark alive? So much of daily life is boring, mundane, and sometimes even gross.

Please help!

The Enchanted One in the Midwest


Dear Enchanted in the Midwest,

Oh, man, do I HEAR you sister. The other day, my husband was talking about introducing “financial accountability” to the marriage, and I was all, DUDE. Do I LOOK like I know what you’re talking about?

Men, man.

But your issue seems like one we can tackle. The first item of business, however, is to define this term, “magic.” For him, it’s probably fairly intuitive, though it never hurts to actually SPEAK to your spouse for clarity. But I’ll run with the SEXSEXSEX angle for a moment here. Sex magic is going to mean any number of things, and will differ depending on the man. (Unfortunately that “talking” thing is going to play a role once again.) But here are some fun ideas you may want to trial-run in the meantime:

1. Star Wars role playing. For some reason, dudes like this Star Wars business quite a bit. Ask him if he’d like to see your best Princess LAY-A impression. Or, if that doesn’t fit your dynamic, maybe just find an old costume and let that concept lead your exploration. (Hopefully you haven’t recently dressed up as Elmo or something weird like that.)

2. Or perhaps you want to start with something more subtle. That bizarre “massage oil” that your cooky grandmother gave you? Time to put it to use! Just make sure it’s not actually her BenGay.

3. Two words: Naked. Twister. Sure, you’ll look and feel ridiculous, but there’s nothing more magical than someone’s butt crack in your face, amirite?

4. Whatever you do, stay away from something called The Magic Carpet Ride if you have bad knees. (Don’t ask. Ahem.)

But you also need to keep yourself in mind. Take some time to reflect upon the relationship you have with your husband and come up with a list of magical things of your own. What is missing? What can your husband do to help you resolve that issue? Is he willing to wear a dress? These are all questions you’re bound to encounter, so just let them flow.

Really, coming up with magical ideas isn’t too difficult–try a new sport together, do the laundry naked, write a book mocking Paleo-dieters–if you just push yourself a bit. It’s the confidence and vulnerability that often trips couples up. That, however, is something you can work through together if you have a loving, trusting relationship. (Which–at 17 years–sounds like you do. Brava!)

May the force be with you,
Kristine, TMH

9 Responses to “My Marriage Needs Some Magic of the Carpet Ride Variety”


Comment by Marinka.

I can’t stop laughing at Princess Lay-a. I can’t and I won’t.


Comment by Muffintopmommy.

I think after a while if you’re not careful, married people can turn into roomies….who’s gonna take out the garbage, pay the bills, etc. Maybe a change of scenery is in order–even if it’s just a fun weekend away. Getting out of your house and all the chores associated with it might give you time to just be with each other doing fun things. Nuthin’ wrong with taking that Princess Lay-a show on the road!

:) Reply:

Change of scenery. *giggle*
Magic Carpet *Giggle*

I’m totally thinking about pubic hair and lack of said hair right now…


Comment by CSY.

Hubs and I have been together 16 years and have 3 rotten spawn to show for it…we’ve recently found out that we DO like each other and the things we do togeter…even if its walking around our yard to talk about how rotten our spawn are and if they’re trying mind tricks.


Comment by Wendi.

Has my Darth Vadar mask kept things hot? Let’s just say we’ll be celebrating 20 years this August, my friend.

Muffintopmommy Reply:

Well, also, your tush is clean. So there’s that, too.


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