Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Every time my husband has an orgasm, he likes to update his Facebook status with ‘I just had an orgasm!’ He gets lots of thumbs up ‘I like this’ from his friends and lots of comments like ‘Way to go, douche!’ This only encourages him and I’m very embarrassed by it all. Thankfully, none of my mom friends are on his FB, just his guy friends. Should I be worried?
Dear Facebook Freakout,
Huh. Well, this certainly is a new one. Allow me to just pick my jaw up off the floor and yelp, “What the f**k!?” a few times before I even attempt to answer your question.
OK, all better.
Now, is your husband 16-years-old? Does he work in a locker room? Is his name Kanye West? Or is he just a garden variety, inconsiderate jackass? Because what he’s doing to the privacy of your marriage is just beyond the pale. Totally beyond, my friend. So beyond that you couldn’t even see it with the Hubble Space Telescope if you tried, that’s how beyond we’re talking here. Yikes.
But let’s assume that he’s not a major league d-bag, rather he’s just caught up in our narcissistic culture in which every thought, word and deed has to be blogged, texted or Twittered about. Maybe he thinks, “Well, I tell my friends when I go to Home Depot, so why not let them know when I just got my rocks off with my wife, too?” If that’s the case, then simply tell him that he’s oversharing in a BIG way, and to knock it the hell off because it’s making you very upset.
If, however, he’s telling his FB friends that he scored because he thinks it’s cool or funny, then I have another, less civil tactic for you to take. The next time he updates his status with, “I just had an orgasm!”, get up, go straight to your computer and promptly update your Facebook status with the words, “I just faked it!”