21 Sep
My Husband’s Oversharing on Facebook

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Every time my husband has an orgasm, he likes to update his Facebook status with ‘I just had an orgasm!’ He gets lots of thumbs up ‘I like this’ from his friends and lots of comments like ‘Way to go, douche!’   This only encourages him and I’m very embarrassed by it all. Thankfully, none of my mom friends are on his FB, just his guy friends. Should I be worried?

Signed,

Facebook Freakout

_________________

Dear Facebook Freakout,

Huh. Well, this certainly is a new one. Allow me to just pick my jaw up off the floor and yelp, “What the f**k!?” a few times before I even attempt to answer your question.

OK, all better.

Now, is your husband 16-years-old? Does he work in a locker room? Is his name Kanye West? Or is he just a garden variety, inconsiderate jackass? Because what he’s doing to the privacy of your marriage is just beyond the pale. Totally beyond, my friend. So beyond that you couldn’t even see it with the Hubble Space Telescope if you tried, that’s how beyond we’re talking here. Yikes.

But let’s assume that he’s not a major league d-bag, rather he’s just caught up in our narcissistic culture in which every thought, word and deed has to be blogged, texted or Twittered about. Maybe he thinks, “Well, I tell my friends when I go to Home Depot, so why not let them know when I just got my rocks off with my wife, too?” If that’s the case, then simply tell him that he’s oversharing in a BIG way, and to knock it the hell off because it’s making you very upset.

If, however, he’s telling his FB friends that he scored because he thinks it’s cool or funny, then I have another, less civil tactic for you to take. The next time he updates his status with, “I just had an orgasm!”, get up, go straight to your computer and promptly update your Facebook status with the words, “I just faked it!”

Problem solved.

Sincerely,

Wendi, TMH

15 Responses to “My Husband’s Oversharing on Facebook”

09.21.09#1

Comment by Halala Mama.

Start commenting with “with whom?” and maybe he’ll quit. 😉

09.21.09#2

Comment by suburbancorrespondent.

Oh, I like that idea!

09.21.09#3

Comment by Marinka,TMH.

Or respond “that’s why your right arm is so sore!” (adjust as necessary if he’s a lefty!)

09.21.09#4

Comment by kyslp.

I would make sure he didn’t have any more orgasms.

09.21.09#5

Comment by Ashlie- Mommycosm.

LOL – Nothing to add…I agree with the above comments. Sure to put an end to his comments.

09.21.09#6

Comment by assomeoneelse.

Tell me, does your husband update when he has other biological functions too?

Wow! And here I thought I had it bad because mine leaves his email address public and uses our kids’ real names online.
If the above answers fail you then you can always contact FB and tell them that your underage son created a FB profile without your knowledge and have them delete it…with those kinds of status updates it won’t be hard for them to believe it.

09.21.09#7

Comment by Finn.

Excellent answer! I say that because it’s the first thing I thought of. 😀

09.21.09#8

Comment by Swistle.

All right, I see NOTHING here about him doing anything “with his wife.” Which is unsurprising.

09.21.09#9

Comment by Kelly.

Had to wait a few minutes to stop laughing at the suggested solutions before I could comment!!!
I like them all… but especially the sore arm and the “i faked it” response.

09.21.09#10

Comment by Julie B..

Terrific advice Wendi! Luckily my husband is not on FB or Twitter, but he swears if he was he would update every time he went to the bathroom…I’m sure talking about orgasms would be the next logical extent. You could also leave him a comment like, “For the love of God, you’re at the movies…can’t you control yourself at all?!?!”

09.21.09#11

Comment by Sarah A..

OMG. Kyslp has a great idea!! But most importantly, can you correlate the orgasms to when you’ve had sex with him? Or is there a whole new issue to deal with here???

09.22.09#12

Comment by Rick.

Wait ’til he’s at work and update yours.

09.22.09#13

Comment by Plano Mom.

I just had an orgasmic laughing fit.

09.23.09#14

Comment by phd in yogurtry.

can you imagine if men were the ones who had multiple orgasms? think about that a minute.

03.26.12#15

Comment by For the love of God, Send Us Your Problems, People | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] are. So please send your issues, problems and concerns to: ask@mouthyhousewives.com. (Note: Please address all Facebook and in-law questions to “Not […]

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