28 Aug
My Husband’s Honesty is Killing Me

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I have been with my husband for 20 years and started dating him when I was 16 years old. He tells me how lucky I am that he is honest with me but lately his honesty has been really upsetting me. He wants to have sex with my friends, asks me to set some type of threesome up and talks about what types of clothes other women wear that turns him on. He tells me he likes the way 20 somethings look in jeans, but I’m 35. He also is constantly on me about my weight. I’m 5’5, 135 pounds.

He told me once he had to watch porn before having sex with me because he couldn’t get into the mood with me anymore. He also told me he doesn’t have time for foreplay until he’s retired. Do I have a reason to be this upset? He says he has never cheated and I believe him, but everything he has said and the way he looks at other women right in front of me is driving me crazy!

Signed,

Confused
_______________________________________________________________

Dear Confused,

I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you have very good reasons to be upset. The bad news is that you seem to be married to a lunatic. Tough break.

Love, Marinka, TMH

What? I’m not done? I’m expected to give a more through answer? This is certainly inconvenient news because I’m pretty busy right now. Can you wait until I’m retired? Because that’s when I’ll have more time on my hands to do a lot of stuff that I’ve been meaning to. Like the dishes, and saying “please” and “thank you” to people and maybe even taking the dog out for those walks he keeps hinting he wants.

Fine.

Look, Confused, I’m not sure what’s going on with your husband, but he’s being abusive under the guise of honesty. Make no mistake– there is absolutely nothing honest in telling you that he wants to have sex with your friends, set up threesomes and talking about your weight. I hope it goes without saying that you should not, under any circumstances, participate in a threesome or any other orgy-type scenario. Because you can’t unring that bell. What you need to do, assuming that you want to continue to be married to him, is let him know that your marriage is in serious trouble and seek counseling together. Preferably with a counselor that he does not want to have sex with.

You have every right to expect fidelity from your spouse, not just the not-having-sex with other women kind, but the not-making-you-feel-terrible kind. After all, how would he feel if you were to return the honesty favor and tell him that you were hoping he’d grow a thicker penis by now?

Good luck,

Marinka, THM

16 Responses to “My Husband’s Honesty is Killing Me”

08.28.12#1

Comment by Abby.

Marinka, your last sentence just made you my new personal hero for FOREVER. Bravo!

Danielle Reply:

Yeah it was pretty awesome!

08.28.12#2

Comment by rojopaul.

What an jerk. I’m sorry, I have no advice – other than to say I’m sorry that she ended up marrying an idiot. Okay, one more piece of advice – see a counselor. They can help you guys work through this (translation: help your husband see what an A$$ he is being).

08.28.12#3

Comment by A.

Quality over quantity.

The length of your relationship just shows how long you’ve put up with the man that’s supposed to love, honor and cherish you. Instead, his so-called honesty has shoved you down, made you feel insecure and Question YOURSELF and not him. A marriage is about support and balancing each other out in a positive way and yes, honesty – but that’s not what he’s doing. He’s hurting you. And that’s not right.

And Marinka, totally awesome. Everyone talks about the importance of length, never the damn girth. That’s how to kick a man in the nuts, attack his lack of girth.

08.28.12#4

Comment by Betty Herbert.

I’m frankly impressed that Marinka managed to find some words on this one, because my jaw hit the table and I’ve not managed to scoop it up yet.

I remember people like your husband from high school. They constantly rattled on about how they were so honest and couldn’t tell a lie, but actually they were just rude and bad-mannered.

The world gets by on white lies, and refusing to tell them is just plain nasty. Yup, we all get a bit less attractive as we age; yup, it gets harder to race to the bedroom with your partner after 20 years together; yup, it’s only human to sometimes get the hots for other people. But it is discreet and polite and NICE to keep these feelings to yourself.

I think you’ve got to start calling him on these comments. He’s trying to control you, and doesn’t even have the guts to admit it. In fact, I really admire the way that you still seem so together in the face of all this niggling criticism.

Don’t bother getting even – you’re better than that – but do get mad.

Summer Reply:

“The world gets by on white lies, and refusing to tell them is just plain nasty.”

THIS TIMES ONE MILLION. THANK YOU.

08.28.12#5

Comment by Cate8.

He is a wanker. and mean. Stand up and be strong.
that said
~ how old is he?
could he satisfy 3 women at the same time? Maybe if he is 19.
*as a funny comeback sound really excited about a three or foursome…. with just ‘his’ friends. (male)
How would he like that? if you said you need to watch porn to get it the mood for him? he wins the King Douche Award for August

08.28.12#6

Comment by Sharon Greenthal (@sharongreenthal).

Time to make some changes, methinks. Sounds like a complete d-bag.

08.28.12#7

Comment by Deb.

last sentence was priceless. If he is putting you down, hit him where it hurts and say “size most definitely matters.” If that won’t work because he is already well endowed, tell him you are “open to think” with threesomes and want to try 3 guys first before you make up your mind for sure. Then tell him his flabby middle aged belly is really turning you off. And I’m sorry…but I would tell his ass to pack a bag and get out until he learns some respect and to be thankful for the woman he has.

08.28.12#8

Comment by Angie Uncovered.

The way he treats you hurts my feelings. Mine… from way the hell over here. I’m obviously not as nice as you are, Confused. Not even close. There is a special corner or hell for people who treat others this way.

08.29.12#9

Comment by Bean.

That’s not honest, that’s emotionally abusive. No one deserves that kind of treatment. I wouldn’t hold my breath hoping he’ll change, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do some soul-searching and figure out what’s best for you. I doubt it’s putting up with more of his crap.

08.29.12#10

Comment by Ashley.

You absolutely have a reason to be upset. You should be more than upset. He’s being verbally and emotionally abusive and violating your commitment to each other. He is supposed to do more than just “not cheat” on you; he’s supposed to respect you, love you, honor you, cherish you. You deserve that. Don’t stand for anything less.

08.29.12#11

Comment by Avprobeauty.

Sounds like a loser, he needs to learn to show you some respect and just being faithful isnt acceptable. A husband should be a partner, friend, lover, listener, and support network. I think you guys need counseling and it sounds like you already know where that will lead you and you can make that decisision when youre ready. Good luck.

09.13.12#12

Comment by Leslie.

Dear Confused,

I, Like you was once married to a man who treated me like, well, shit. I was with him since I was a teenager as well, and had two children with him. My suggestion is if he hasn’t changed , he never will, so get out while you are young. Yes, it will be hard, but someone that loves you does not treat you that way. My ex-husband left me for my friend/co-worker, and after the whole thing was said and done, I am happier now then I have ever been. Good luck hun.

Leslie

09.13.12#13

Comment by vikki.

Wow…my first thoughts, get out. That’s not an okay way to treat woman. If there is no mutual respect in a relationship, nothing works. You shouldn’t stay because you’ve been together forever, even for the kids. It’s time to pack your bags and think of the happiness that awaits you in the future. You don’t deserve that, no one does. if he can’t change say goodbye.

03.13.14#14

Comment by Ellie.

DITCH THE WANKER

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