25 Apr
My Husband’s Acting Nuts

Welcome to Guest Mouthy Friday! On a Monday!  TGIM! Today’s Guest Mouthy Housewife is the very wonderful, beautiful and talented Stacy Morrison, who wrote one of our very favorite memoirs, Falling Apart in One Piece.   The Mouthy Housewives got to spend time with Stacy at Mom 2.0 conference last weekend and we all give her our very enthusiastic Seal of Approval. So get the book, check out Stacy’s website and enjoy her advice!

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband works in banking and makes a good living. He just turned 40 and is now having some kind of midlife crisis because suddenly he wants to leave the finance industry and pursue his dream of becoming an actor. I want support him but this would mean a major change is how we live our lives. And who becomes an actor at 40?

Signed, He’s No Brad Pitt

___________________________________

Dear Mrs. Not Brad  Pitt,

First off, count your blessings that your husband is the creative type. If he weren’t he would have announced his midlife crisis by going out and finding a 22-year old girlfriend to drive around the neighborhood on his new crotch-rocket motorcyle, so things could be worse. And much more publicly humiliating.

Second, I have to call your judgment about your husband’s potential into question: Haven’t you noticed that ugly men get more attractive as they age? Now wait-I’m not saying your husband is ugly, I’m just saying, have you been the the movies lately? All we can see for miles are unapologetic crags and deep naso-labial folds, receding hairlines and those curious, creepy face fungi (aka age spots) that men are allowed to have. In fact, I bet your husband isn’t old enough to be an actor yet!

That means you have some time to work this all out. Tell him he’ll have to wait until he looks like Clint Eastwood, and in the meantime, why not have a real conversation about what’s really going on with your husband?  If you suddenly decided you’d missed your chance in life to be a novelist, a cancer researcher or Vanna White, wouldn’t you want him to give you and your dream more than lip service?

That’s the point of being partners: to help each other become the person you’re meant to be! Not to get stifled by financial arrangements that define us for the rest of our lives, slowly sucking our soul out one little drop at a time, until we’re empty enough to appear on The Real Housewives. (I’m sure that’s not you, but you know what I mean.)

Change is scary. Aging is scary. And come to think of it, life is kinda scary these days, too (been reading the newspapers lately?). So instead of panicking, focus on your connection and trust, and work together to figure out in what little way he can follow his dreams-acting class at night? take the summer off and do repertory in the Berkshires?-without making you feel like you’re living a nightmare. These kinds of life changes happen a little at a time, and he might change his mind. And who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one-in-a-million lucky guy and you’ll be on his arm at the Oscars in three years wearing a fab new diamond necklace. Wouldn’t you feel terrible if you robbed yourself of that experience?

Sincerely,

Stacy, Guest TMH

14 Responses to “My Husband’s Acting Nuts”

04.25.11#1

Comment by The Flying Chalupa.

Love this advice! And the last sentence is killer. So true – talk about it, and encourage the pursuit of his acting on the side, to see how deep his love of performance really is. You’ll be coming off as uber-supportive without being all, let’s live in tents while you find yourself.

04.25.11#2

Comment by Karin.

or you can encourage him to pursue community theater to decide if it’s really his calling.

Danielle Reply:

I agree with this. He gets to act and keep his day job. Win Win!

04.25.11#3

Comment by Wendi.

A mid-life crisis is not to be taken lightly. Your husband is thinking about his own mortality,past failures and unclaimed goals and that’s a heady mix.

I say support him if you’d expect him to do the same for your possibly crazy dream some day.

Great advice Stacy! We’re so thrilled you’re here.

04.25.11#4

Comment by Plano Mom.

One word of personal advice. If and when you do begin to talk about him pursuing this full time, be sure to have a talk about your expectations and definitions of success, and the time period he has to chase his dream before you both agree it is NOT a success.

My husband started his own business several years ago. For many reasons, including those outside his control, he did not succeed. We wasted a lot of money and time, and put a serious strain on our relationship, because we could not agree on when to stop.

04.25.11#5

Comment by Kelcey.

Excellent advice. Is it too late for me to be an olympic ice skater?

MommyTime Reply:

Depends on whom you ask. I began skating lessons this year in fulfillment of this very dream. I have slowly been made to understand that if you are out of the single-digit age bracket, you are starting too late for the Olympics. (Hint: the “senior” ladies category has an age requirement — a MINIMUM age requirement — it’s 14.) Nonetheless, I am doggedly pursuing this dream, in the hopes of beating some young whippersnapper (whose grandmother I am old enough to be) out of her gold medal one of these days…

04.25.11#6

Comment by Crisanna.

I agree that community theater could be a win for both of you – I have a friend in her early 60s that decided to pursue acting after 40 years since her last role. She’s landed a couple of parts from auditions and been made other offers based on those roles (including a commercial) – all without quitting her day job.

So? You can look supportive for finding a practical way for him to pursue his dream without losing the security of a steady job/income…until he makes it big and that’s no longer a concern! 😉

04.25.11#7

Comment by Mellowdee.

Excellent advice. Resentment might fester if he’s denied the support and freedom to pursue this passion. At the same time, with a family to consider, it’s important that he keeps his feet on the ground as he reaches for the stars. I think there are plenty of opportunities for him to chase dreams without giving up the security of a day job (at least until he hits the bigtime 😉 ) Participating in community theater, working as an extra/background performer, acting classes etc. Good luck!

04.26.11#8

Comment by Fletch.

I am 41 and an ex-actor and have not given up on the dream of doing Arsenic and Old Lace but I will have to wait until I’m 70. Its true, local theater can be lots of fun and also really challenging! A good reality check for him and possible outlet if he really takes to it.

04.27.11#9

Comment by shafeena.

awww.. its is scary when there is change ! hope it all works out !!

04.27.11#10

Comment by Annoymous.

This is what community theatre is for. Common people who want to act, but, know they will never make the big money doing it.
Just don’t quit your day job.

04.28.11#11

Comment by Danielle.

Here is hoping I’ll never have to support this dream. I’ve already supported his novel writing phase, lasted 2 months, his metal forging/pot making phase, lasted 1 week. I can’t wait for what’s next. SAVE ME!!!!!!!!! He’s only 29.

03.19.12#12

Comment by Do I Stay Or Do I Go? | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] them carefully.  Make sure that your husband knows how much this job (assuming you get the offer) means to you.  And definitely, explore the job options back home as well.  In the end it may come down to […]

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