It’s Tuesday, and you know what that means: Guest Post Friday! (Just go along with me here—I’m tired.) Today we have the very savvy and wise Lady Steele who has impressed us for years with the smart comments she leaves on our posts. So much so, that we gave her a question to answer all by herself. Please welcome Ms. Steele and be sure to check her out at sdfgarcia.blogspot.com! –Wendi
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m a SAHM to a two-year-old boy and my husband has a good job that makes decent money. That’s not the problem – the hours are. There always seems to be another deadline on the horizon that “will end soon, honey” which requires he work all day and all evening and some of the night. Last night, he was expected to literally work all day and all night, when he had a sudden reprieve at 4:30am. Today, he was told they would get off at 7pm and of course, that didn’t happen either. This company has ruined two vacations because of their effing deadlines. My husband is not a workaholic, but he’s becoming one. I’m becoming a single parent to our very active (exhausting) toddler and I feel so mad all of the time. What can I do?
Dear Work Widow,
This is a tough one. I’m not a SAHM (don’t tell the other Mouthy Housewives, as they might vote me off the island), but I totally feel your pain. My husband is in IT and his job often interferes with our home life. He spends lots of time working late, and even spends evenings or weekends at the office. Even if he’s home, there is a chance he might be on his laptop or his cell phone, dealing with the Crisis Of The Moment. And those 3 a.m. emergency phone calls? Don’t even get me started….. Frankly, it all sucks.
But it’s his job that allows me to have a job that makes me very happy. If he didn’t make the money he made, I would have to get a different job. Probably one that paid more but killed my soul. In the meantime, I have a nice home, a fancy minivan, and a little pocket money. Most of that comes from his job, not mine.
Presumably, it’s your husband’s income that allows you to stay at home with your son, unless you are a trust fund baby and just send him out into the work world for kicks.
But that doesn’t make it any easier when you’re stuck at home full time with a job that never ends. I bet you have a bunch of effing deadlines and you are forced to work nights and weekends as well. And the vacation? Forget about it. You’re still on duty as long as your son is there with you, even if you’re in some fabulous vacation destination.
This may be oversimplifying it, but have you actually sat your husband down and talked to him about it? He may have no idea at all how you’re feeling or how angry you are. I can assure you that unless he has been a stay at home parent for any length of time, he has no idea what *your* job is like every day. Your job never ends, and it’s fair that he know that.
He also deserves to know that you want him home, present in your son’s life as well as your own. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that during the times he is off that you’re not getting much attention in the romance department, and that is an important part of a happy marriage and a happy wife. I think it is, anyway, as well as I remember.
It really gets down to a quality of life issue. He may think he’s doing the best by you and your son by working all those hours. I know for sure my husband would like to spend less time working, but his sacrifices allow us to have nice stuff. Your husband may just need to hear from you that your priority is your family, and he’s an important part of it.
You might also consider finding a mothers day out program or a babysitting club (where you trade off babysitting time with other moms) and get yourself out of the house for a few hours a week. Join a book club. Go to Bible study. Listen to the sirens wail. Sit and watch the grass grow. But take care of you. You owe it to your son, and his almost workaholic father, to take the best care of them that you can, and that may mean taking some time for yourself.
Perhaps this will just be a short term situation for you. Your family has to have the income, which means your husband has to play by the company’s rules, or go find a new job. The job market *SUCKS* right now, so it seems to me that he really is stuck between a rock and a hard place, just as you are.
Hang in there sister,
Lady Steele, Guest TMH