12 Oct
My Husband is Giving the Neighbors the Silent Treatment

She’s baaaa-aack! Nicole of Ninja Mom Blog is back at the Mouthy Clubhouse today, and we couldn’t be happier to have her. (And not just because she always brings the best wine, doesn’t mind Karen’s shoe hoarding, and has some ideas for new dog breeds that I hope will make me her millions. Though, those things help.) –Kristine, TMH

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband has a huge issue with our neighbors and their daughter. My 5 year old daughter has befriended the neighbor girl and I, the parents. At first he was kind to them and would even invite them over. But,for some reason, he has decided not to like the daughter and the mother.

First issue is: He has made it very obvious that he does not like the child that comes here to play. He has been rude – by not even saying “hello” or acknowledging her when she is here. It has become a tense situation for my daughter as she has figured out that the neighbor friend must leave before Dad gets home. It is even starting to make me nervous.

Second issue: He does not like any time that I might spend with the parents. He says she is a bad influence and that he just plain does not like them, though has never explained to me why he feels that way.

It has come to the point that if my husband knows that my daughter and I are socializing with the neighbors, he won’t come home. It is such a sore spot with the two of us and is really putting a huge wedge into our relationship. How do I get over this issue, without taking it personally? These are actually very nice people. Educated, hard working. They are polite and very kind to our children. I just do not know what to do anymore.

Please help!

Signed,

Crescent Crisis

_____________________________________________

Dear Crescent (rolls? moon? –shaped scar?),

Husbands! Can’t live with them, can’t marry women in most states here in the USofA. So, you’ll have to juggle the ever contentious marital game, Family Dating.

Do you know this game? Remember back to when you two were just a couple? You’d meet a nice woman: you liked her shoes, she made you laugh, she forgot cranberries, too?! Then you started asking about her husband. Did he golf? Ski? Swill beer? Shoot kittens? So did your husband! And so you tried to couple date them. Alas, often the relationship would fizzle between two parties before it fizzled between the other two. (Wife: “I don’t want to see them anymore. She’s always dropping comments about my muffin top.” Husband: “But he has a man cave!”)

Now that you have kids, it’s a thousand times worse. Umpteen more things can go awry. There are way too many people involved for all parties to remain enamored of each other. Really, it would be easier if you just stopped socializing altogether and gave your DVR a human family identity, like, The Hackenberrys. “Babe, want to see what the Hackenberrys are doing tonight?”

But, that way lies madness and a lack of playdates for your children who rarely want to visit with the Hackenberrys when only the Bachelor remains in your queue. You, as a functioning human, require interaction with other members of your species.

So, what to do?

I think it’s time to ask your husband, point-blank, what it is he doesn’t like about these folks. You say “it’s very obvious” and that he “plain does not like them,” but if you were to ask him to elaborate, perhaps you’d discover his bias? Maybe he suspects them of being alien lifeforms, terrorists, or Ron Paul supporters. But, frankly, there aren’t that many Ron Paul supporters.

Maybe he’s witnessed some bad behavior that he thinks is inappropriate or even dangerous, especially when it comes to your daughter. Maybe he’s just not happy about how much family time you are spending with them and would like some more time with just the three of you. The truth is that speculating will get you nowhere. It’s time to talk with each other openly.

That said, I’m wondering if I’m sensing something slightly more controlling going on. Because if he is flatly refusing to tell you why he thinks so terribly of these people—and behaving so poorly about it, I might add—then you probably have more to worry about than who you hang out with outside the walls of your own home. If he feels so strongly as to be passive aggressive around children, the logical connection is that he’d want his own wife and child to know the reason.

Good luck! And I hope the alien probings aren’t painful!

Nicole, Guest TMH

7 Responses to “My Husband is Giving the Neighbors the Silent Treatment”

10.12.12#1

Comment by Lib.

This may seem totally random, but I almost wonder if Hubs has some unresolved attraction to Neighbor Mom. Before you stop reading, this behavior is scarily controlling (obvs). But the fact that he won’t even TELL his wife what’s up, makes me think maybe there were a few too many cocktails one night and something happened between Hubs and NM that he’s uncomfortable with. Sounds crazy, I know, but Hubs is being rude to a 5-YEAR-OLD, so anything’s possible. Am I nuts?

Nicole Reply:

Oh, I don’t think you’re nuts. It’s a bizarre bit of behavior. Anything’s possible. But then again, maybe the neighbors are fruitcakes. Who can say? The clear problem is that communication is broken. I know that if I don’t communicate with my hubs, like, “No more Dutch ovens, jeez, you’re 43 years old, frat boy.” We’ll, then I guess I have to live with his under-the-covers farts, don’t I?

Lib Reply:

Word.

Danielle Reply:

I was thinking this EXACT same thing while I was reading it. Either she hit on him and it makes him uncomfortable or he has the hots for her.

Lib Reply:

RIght?! I can’t exactly put my finger on it but something here feels off. Not just run-of-the-mill controlling guy stuff…

10.17.12#2

Comment by Lisa.

Clearly he had an affair with her 6 years ago, the child is his and she has moved in to his neighborhood to torment him.

12.13.12#3

Comment by Sheri Romer.

I did not post this – my account must have been hacked – I would never say such things about the love of my live or my neighbors!!

Consider Checking Out...