28 Mar
My Husband is Amazing But He’s Making Me Crazy

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband is smart. He is so smart that he has three bachelor degrees in different fields, a master’s degree in another field, and most recently an MD. He is a math wiz, a politics smartypants, and (to top it all off) an amazing cook.

Yet somehow in all of his multi-talented greatness, he does not know how to follow directions. Here are a few examples:

“Honey, on the way home, please pick up two gallons of 1% milk.” He brings home one gallon of whole.

“Please save this beer for me. I want to drink it after the kids are asleep.” While I’m bathing them, he pops it open and downs it. (For the record, that one got ugly. It was a vanilla porter.)

“I put some clothes on our daughter’s bed. Please help her get dressed.” Five minutes later he asks what I want her to wear.

“It is really important to me that you not thaw raw chicken wings by taking them out of the package and soaking them in the sink.” He’s a doctor! Hasn’t he heard of salmonella??? He never remembers.

I just don’t understand. Is it possible that he is so smart that he can’t follow simple directions? He can’t be that smart. He thinks it’s funny to grab my boobs and yell, “Honk honk!” And when I point out to him that he didn’t listen correctly, he apologizes profusely. Short of writing down everything I want him to do on a post-it, is there any way I can get through to him?

Sincerely,

Maybe I’m the Smart One

____________________________________

Dear Smart One,

So let me understand this. Your husband could actually save your life in a medical emergency, he can likely do your taxes and he’s an amazing chef! But you’re upset that he’s bringing home whole milk or forgetting that you left out clothes for your daughter on the bed?! Girl, you know you can’t find everything in one man. Not possible. And you are doing pretty well.

There are a certain number of people that are academically brilliant but challenged enormously by the basics of life. Take my mother for example. She has a bunch of degrees, including a PhD and a Master’s in Social Work that she got at the age of 68. Yet, this very same woman has a license plate on her car that at this very moment is upside down. True story.

Your husband is probably unlikely to change much in this area. But it’s worth talking to him about. It sounds like he’s not a great listener and maybe that’s making you feel unheard and unimportant. Because when he drinks your favorite beer or doesn’t take the time to get the milk you want that can make you feel like he doesn’t value you or value what you have to say. Perhaps just sharing this with him might motivate him to pay more attention.

But keep your expectations low and know that there are some things that one will truly never understand. For example, when my husband goes to the grocery store he always forgets one item, despite my constant pleas to just cross things off this list. Or how come he can drive to the same place 356 times and still not know how to get there. And my husband also does not understand that raw chicken is nasty and toxic. I almost put on a hazmat suit at Stop & Shop the other day when the chicken juice dripped on me. So I feel your torture.

But, most of these flaws I just try to accept, because my husband is a great guy and an amazing father. Somehow, you have to figure out a way to do the same. Because he can save your life! And cook you a kick ass meal! And that’s worth a lot.

However, there is one area where you must draw a line in the sand immediately. He must never again grab your boobs and yell, “Honk. honk.” No marriage can survive that.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

 

12 Responses to “My Husband is Amazing But He’s Making Me Crazy”

03.28.13#1

Comment by Avprobeauty.

Absent minded professor, much? Lol – sounds like you have a good catch, sometimes you just gotta take the good with the bad! I’m sure you’re not perfect either and there’s probably things you do that irk your hubbs too-enjoy each other, life is too short!

03.28.13#2

Comment by Frammitz.

I have one of these, too. Several Masters degrees, 4.0 student all his life, wonderful father. Daft as a brush. And yes, he’ll look at me changing my shirt, grin, and say “boobs”. Classy.

I’d say telling him that you feel he’s not valuing you is pretty good advice. He probably doesn’t realize this is how you feel.

I have to say that the one thing I go ape-shit over is saving something and having it taken at the last moment. Especially when I’ve made it clear. My husband always leaves me the last of everything, just in case.

As far as the boob tweaking, well, only say something if you really mind and don’t find it endearing. I think hubby’s fascination with boobs is hilarious.

03.28.13#3

Comment by suburbancorrespondent.

I, too, would have said that it is absent-minded professor syndrome and learn to accept it. But if you are telling him NOT to grab your boobs and yell, “Honk honk!” and he isn’t listening to you? You’ve got a problem there.

Also, sometimes “absentmindedness” is actually learned helplessness – if he can’t do it right (and it is always something he isn’t thrilled about doing), and then you end up doing it instead….well, that works pretty well for him, doesn’t it? You might have to lower your standards if you really want him to help around the house. Next time he asks what clothes to put on your daughter, you can tell him, “Whatever you want.” Sometimes guys don’t help because we don’t let them do things their way.

Kelcey Reply:

Agree with this too! Great advice.

03.28.13#4

Comment by ziggyzabel.

Re: Learned helplessness – I was going to say mild undiagnosed OCD. For real, my husband has this problem. Very intelligent, hyper-focused at work and able to figure out complex problems?

OCD is not all about obsessively washing your hands, it’s about an internal monologue he can’t turn off and it makes it very difficult for me to make him hear me when he’s not fully paying attention. We play the “what did I just say to you?” game sometimes, with hilarious results. A little cognitive behavior therapy can do wonders for helping him be more focused in every day life, if he’s willing.

Good luck! Also, good GOD no more boob honking! A swift punch to the gut can also do wonders for improving focus…

03.28.13#5

Comment by LuckyLottieLou.

When he stops wanting to honk your boobs, then you have a problem.

Get him to repeat your requests back to you, if he will. Or text requests to him so he has a handy dandy note to refer back to.

Oh, and it’s my opinion that you should also honk his boobs. It doesn’t matter if he has none. Honk away.

03.29.13#6

Comment by Stephanie Hobson.

He sounds like the GT boys at my granddaughter’s middle school… socially awkward geniuses who couldn’t/wouldn’t think to come in out of the rain.

03.29.13#7

Comment by Vegas.

Ha this is my husband. He can do complex math in his head but cannot do laundry without breaking the machine. Mine has the OCD like tendency a previous poster mentioned. If he can’t do it exactly perfect he refuses to do it. Thus, when he does the dishes I don’t complain about how he does it, instead I praise like he’s 2.

04.04.13#8

Comment by It’s the Most Taxing Time of the Year | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] My husband is a low-key guy, but whenever tax season approaches, he seems to lose his mind. Now that it’s April, and he’s getting the stuff to our accountant, I hear him muttering, cursing, and slamming stuff in his office and generally acting like a lunatic. I know there are a lot of receipts and forms, and I’ve offered to help him throughout the years, but he always says, “I GOT THIS!” […]

04.11.13#9

Comment by Paddy.

My ex is an amazing man but there was one thing that drove me mad about him and not in a good way, he used to crunch all his food really loudly….I suppose there were bits that drove him crazy about me too

08.02.13#10

Comment by flaorence.

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12.29.13#11

Comment by Conni.

Thank you for your very funny and entertaining article. My husband and I have been in the middle of changing churches and our lives. It is a very trying time, which has been lightened by the humorous and so true to the both of our personalities! What a hoot for me. Thanks, again. Keep on writing for the rest of us…I paint!

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