11 Feb
Married to a Porn King

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m 28 and have been married for 2 years. The problem is that since we got married, we’ve had sex all of 15 times. (I’m counting!) We had premarital sex and he enjoyed it then; it was the first time for both of us.

But now he is full of excuses! When we go to bed, he’s tired, has a headache, or hurt himself “down there” while bathing, etc. I’m sure he isn’t cheating on me. Instead, he has the largest collection of porn in the city, and he spends a lot of time watching it.   He masturbates enough, so everything must work “down there.”

When I ask why we don’t have sex, he says I don’t turn him on anymore. Other than the sex, he’s a great husband. But I’m still worried about our sex life and if I’m doing something to turn him off.

Can you help?

Signed,
Wife of Porn King

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Wife of Porn King,

Some people might advise you to make more of an effort to entice your husband, such as buying a wardrobe of kinky lingerie and practicing Kama Sutra. But then, some people are prime candidates for a lobotomy.

Others might tell you to turn the porn viewing into a couple’s experience and join him in the masturbation fest. But then again, others need their brain rewired through electric shock treatments.

I, on the other hand, believe in taking the spiritual path to solve problems large and small, so I consulted the holiest of holy books, The Bible. In it, I found sage advice, which I think applies to your situation.

In OMFG 2:15, it said this:

Get thyself to a marriage counselor quickithly

I recommend you follow the scripture.

It also can’t hurt to drive your husband down to Hattiesburg, MS and let him room with Tiger Woods at the residential treatment center; it sounds like they have some things in common. Who knows, maybe your husband can not only get help with his porn addiction   (it sounds as if he is addicted) but also on his golf swing too.

That’s the best I can do for you, oh Lady Wife of the Porn King. We Mouthy Housewives are astute when it comes to human behavior, but we’re also smart enough to know when a problem needs professional help, and sex addictions fall into that category.

Signed,
Heather, TMH

P.S. What in the world is your husband bathing with, a Brillo pad?

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12 Responses to “Married to a Porn King”

02.11.10#1

Comment by wacdance27.

I completely agree. Marriage counseling and sex therapist are a MUST!

02.11.10#2

Comment by Random Stuff, But Read It Anyway | Queen of Shake Shake.

[...] And while we’re talking about husbands, if your husband would rather watch porn than have sex with you (his wife), is it your fault? Tell me over here. [...]

02.11.10#3

Comment by SheilaG.

Absolutely! You have to get this out in the open!

But I also don’t think that people understand the relationship between porn & low sex drive. For a guy, when you look at porn, you get aroused by the images. And masturbation & pornography go hand in hand. You get to the point where you can no longer become aroused in a relationship–it can only be with pornography.

Everyone thinks porn is so sexy, but really it just leads to IMPOTENCE!

Sex needs to be about a physical, emotional, and spiritual connection between two people. Bring porn into it, and you may as well put a Brillo pad on your genitals!

I’ve got a series of articles on porn on my blog right now. Read part 1 and part 2 on what porn does to men, and then read on how women use porn to dissociate during sex here and here.

02.11.10#4

Comment by jennelsonlane.

Am very interetsed in hearing how he’s injuring himelf during bathing. Good grief.

Marriage counseling is a MUST. It’s only a matter of time before this issue seeps into other areas of your marriage,if it hasn’t already. You deserve better!

02.11.10#5

Comment by mexmom.

Great advice… he has a problem and must face it..

02.11.10#6

Comment by Gunfighter.

Eject, eject, eject!

02.11.10#7

Comment by momsterrr.

If hubby does not perform, get the a ‘Rabbit’ or other high-functioning toy.

02.11.10#8

Comment by Heather (qtberryhead).

I think a therapist is a must.
The thing that was making me bang my head the hardest was not the porn, but the fact that he actually told you that you didn’t turn him on. I mean, how is any girl supposed to compete with porn chicks?? Aside from skanking up a bit…
Addiction issues aside, what an assholish thing to say!
What if you got a boyfriend?? Would hubby consider a boyfriend different than his 24/7 travels in virtual Cooterville?

02.12.10#9

Comment by Rachael.

I was reading this in bed and had to get a guys point of view. When I read the hurt himself in the shower excuse I got a what the hell is he doing in there? I would really like to know this too because I can’t seem to come up with anything reasonable.

I agree that outside help is a good idea. I’ve gone to my pastor several times when I’ve been dealt some serious blows and he’s always helped me through it.

Your letter does not say if there’s been a major change in your life other than marriage. Have you had a child recently? I know the last two years have not been great for our sex life but we’ve slowly managed to get it back on track.

02.12.10#10

Comment by Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club.

I think there are two options: therapy or divorce. I’m sorry, but unless I had put on 300 extra pounds…. the words “Sorry, you just don’t turn me on anymore.” are a deal breaker.

If he won’t agree to a therapist, get yourself out of the relationship and and start moving on as soon as you can.

02.12.10#11

Comment by Lynn.

He actually said that you don’t turn him on anymore? Wow … thanks a lot, Dear Husband.

I agree with Heather. Get thee to a marriage/sex counselor, ASAP.

02.13.10#12

Comment by kmdguerra.

Sorry, kiddo, but you’re knight in shining armor is a louse! He told you “you don’t turn me on anymore”!? WTF!? Definitely see a counselor, but if he won’t go, you also need to see a lawyer and find out what your options are.

And seriously, what IS he washing himself with that he hurts himself down there?

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