19 Oct
Let’s Play Dress Up! Not.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

Each Halloween, our neighborhood has a big street party and people wear costumes. I love doing this, but my husband refuses to dress up. Then he looks like a stick-in-the-mud at the party, which kind of embarrasses me. Should I keep trying to make him wear a costume or just leave him alone?


Married to a Halloweiner


Dear Married to a Halloweiner,

Man, do I relate to this problem. After making my husband dress up as the Captain to my Tennille one year, and the Dumb to my Dumber another year, he now completely refuses to participate in any costume shenanigans at all. In fact, last year he totally ignored my repeated pleas to drape himself in Don Hardy wear and go as Jon Gosselin. I can’t even begin tell you how depressing it was to sport a Kate Gosselin wig without a balding douchebag by my side that night. I didn’t even have the energy to scream at my eight kids.

However, we must remember that after the age of 10, wearing a costume isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. That’s why the world isn’t full of theater majors and/or people who put on a mascot suit and have orgies. Therefore, I suggest that instead of bugging your husband to go in character, you simply let him wear his every day clothes to the party. Then make sure that YOU dress accordingly. For example:

  • He wears a shirt & tie and chinos.
  • YOU wear a blue stained dress and beret.
  • Instant Clinton/Lewinsky costume!


  • He wears golf clothes and a visor.
  • YOU wear clear heels and edible panties.
  • Instant Tiger Woods/Whore costume!


  • He wears dirty jorts and a camouflage t-shirt.
  • YOU wear a Confederate flag miniskirt and a bridal veil.
  • Instant White Trash Wedding costume, Y’all!

So you see, my friend, with a little imagination and a lot of trickery, the possibilities are endless. Especially if he shops at Chess King.

Happy Halloween!


Wendi, TMH

9 Responses to “Let’s Play Dress Up! Not.”


Comment by annie.

This is why if I have to dress up, I tend to pair with one of the kids.

This year, get to the party before he does and tell people he’s coming as the crabby old neighbor guy who growls at small children.

Rojopaul Reply:

That’s hilarious.

Desperate Dietwives Reply:

😀 hysterical


Comment by Plano Mom.

I was going to suggest you put a “kick me” sign on his back and tell folks he’s the dork.

Or just start calling him “The Wallflower.”

Either one of those you don’t need a costume, and you can be whatever you want.


Comment by JubanMama.

To paraphrase Wednesday Addams, tell people he’s an axe murderer — they look just like everybody else.

Lisa Reply:

Love it!


Comment by Desperate Dietwives.

I’m not in the costume-wearing gang either… and like Wendi’s advice greatly!


Comment by Heather, TMH.

Wendy, are you making fun of my wedding gown?


Comment by Alexandra.

I like JubanMama, look at the fighter pilot serial killer who dressed like a woman who was just arrested today.

He looked like everyone else.

ooops, now we’re scaring that poor little thing that wrote in. And she’s got enough probs.

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