22 Sep
Laid Off and Not Getting Laid

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

My husband has been out of work for six months. It sucks. My youngest kid just started kindergarten. After we get them off to school, we both wander back to bed — no kids, no job. Is it normal that no sex happens?

Signed,

Sleeping in Bed

______________________________

Dear Sleeping in Bed,

Oh you poor girl. I hate that you’ve been worrying for one millisecond over this. Thank goodness you’ve sought the counsel of us Mouthy Housewives. Of course, it’s completely normal. What would be totally abnormal and darn right crazy is if you bounced back into bed every morning and actually had sex.

Honestly, I’ve never understood the allure of morning sex. Bad breath, pillow face wrinkles and bright daylight are not aphrodisiacs in my book. I prefer my sex in the dark, after a few cocktails and with a hot stranger with abs like a washboard. I mean, with my husband. So stop fretting over the lack of a.m. action and enjoy some much deserved rest.

However, it is important that you keep your sex life alive. You both may not be in the mood during this financially stressful time but sometimes you just have to put “Melrose Place” on pause and make it happen. Trust me when I say, a little hanky panky can actually make you momentarily forget that you’re on a spending freeze.   The wine will help you forget the rest of the time.

Now if your husband still wants to get busy on the occasional morning and you’re not interested, no need to get worried. Just point him in the direction of his computer and tell him to to get busy on that resume.

Good luck,

Kelcey, TMH

I don’t know about you but sometimes reading is just so much work. Starting this Thursday, we’ll give you a break here on The Mouthy Housewives and the super talented Jessica will dole out advice each week via video.   You’ll just have to sit back and press play.   We’ve also asked Jessica to bring you coffee but she balked at that one so apparently it’s BYOC.

6 Responses to “Laid Off and Not Getting Laid”

09.22.09#1

Comment by christy.

I’m so glad Kelcey thinks it’s normal because I was going to get worried if she thought otherwise! I agree – darkness, a few cocktails, makes it all the more alluring!

And I love that Jessica is going to do videos here too – she’s so funny on film!!

09.22.09#2

Comment by Marinka,TMH.

The best thing about morning sex is that it doesn’t interfere with evening TV viewing. Although now with the invention of TIVO, it’s really hard to weigh the pros and cons.

09.22.09#3

Comment by Wendi.

I think one of our kids was conceived when my husband and I were both laid-off a few years ago.

But that’s before TIVO was invented.

09.22.09#4

Comment by Heather.

Morning breath aside, I can’t hide my stretch marks in the daylight.

I’d like to recommend watching The Tudors too, as an aphrodisiac. My husband calls it my soft p0rn, but I am learning fake history in between the sex scenes.

09.22.09#5

Comment by Ann.

AND by resume, you obviously mean porn. Great advice!

09.22.09#6

Comment by minipeds.

Morning breath is a HUGE turn-off for me, so if it’s gonna happen that way, I plan ahead w/ that pocket sized Listerine spray or the little disolving strips you put on your tongue. Takes the edge off, at least.
One way to combat the daylight? Early afternoon sex w/ curtains drawn.
As for the job search, Good Hunting!

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