It’s Your Party And I’ll Stay Home If I Want To
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
Are people obligated to attend their spouse’s office Christmas party? My husband expects me to go to his (I don’t make him go to mine), and I REALLY don’t want to go. It’s just one more thing on my already overscheduled holiday calendar.
I don’t really know the people there and have little in common with them. Plus, most office parties are completely boring and I kind of resent forking out for a babysitter just so I can hang out with people I don’t know and be bored out of my mind. I want to reclaim some of the holiday season for myself and my family instead of trying to fulfill society’s expectations.
Can a person get out of going to these parties without causing a fuss or damaging a career?
Signed,
Don’t Make Me Party,
_____________________________________
Dear Don’t Make Me Party,
You know, if you hate office Christmas parties so much, maybe you should have married someone Jewish. Then the two of you could stay at home and make latkes while the rest of the office got their egg nog on. But you didn’t think of that, did you? No, you had to marry for “love” instead. You reap what you sow, baby! (That’s the New Testament, by the way.)
Personally, I don’t know anyone who enjoys her spouse’s holiday parties. Because unless you’re friends with the people there or have a mad crush on your spouse’s co-worker, it is just a work event. With wine. That you can’t drink with abandon because it’s a work event.
And yet in our society it’s expected that people who work together every day and have to get along in exchange for money and health insurance get together and be merry. Fortunately the expectation has been holding steady at “once a year” for a while now. Mostly. Some companies have summer barbecues and spring cruises and the September key parties. Count your blessings.
I’ll wait.
Every company has a different party culture and if your husband says that your attendance is important, do it. Wave the team flag, make small talk. You don’t want him to be the only one there without his trophy wife.
But have some ground rules. Commit to a time limit, ninety minutes perhaps, and have a safe word if he forgets to start saying good byes after that time. In my experience “you promised no more than ninety minutes in this hell hole and it’s already been eighty five and you haven’t even started good-nighting these geezers yet!” doesn’t work too well. For one, it takes a long time to say, so you’re wasting valuable time and also apparently other people can hear you when you speak. I don’t know what that’s about.
Despite this bad news of mandatory attendance, there is a glimmer of holiday hope. Because you can’t go to a party without a mani/pedi/new hair cut and a full body massage. Go ahead and schedule those appointments now. They’ll go a long way to putting you in a party mood.
Ho-ho-ho,
Marinka, TMH
13 Responses to “It’s Your Party And I’ll Stay Home If I Want To”
Comment by I'm a big ol' b with a captial B!.
If you go with an open mind, you never know, it may be enjoyable. But with the ‘tude you have now, you won’t enjoy anything!
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Comment by sisterfunkhaus.
Sometimes, we need to do things we don’t want to to please our spouse. I know that I would feel embarrassed if others spouses came and mine did not because he couldn’t be bothered.
I think you should suck it up and go. Not everything is life is about what we want and think is fun. Sometimes, we have duties to fulfill, and we owe it to our loved ones to just stop whining and do it.
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Comment by Ace.
My husband is in the Army and has had several occasions where families and spouses are asked to come and participate. I go to them because I know he hates them, and if I had to go and do something I hated and dreaded, I’d want him to come with me! Yep, it’s a chore, but he’s my best friend and I would want the same kind of support from him if I needed it (and I do!)
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Comment by mtwildflower.
God, I’d LOVE to be invited to my husband’s Christmas party. They never invite spouses and I am a SAHM right now, so any adult interaction is fabulous right now. I don’t care if it’s with the dog catcher!!! (My DH works for the city.)
Lately, I haven’t been invited anywhere and it SUCKS!!! Especially when I have invited people over and they either don’t come or they never reciprocate.
It gets old, so even an office party gets top billing from me!
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Comment by MommyTime.
Perhaps pooling babysitting costs would take the sting out? I know that for me, it’s the $50 tab that makes it bite even worse. Do you have a good friend/neighbor who would be willing to do an Office Party Kid Trade, where you watch theirs one night and they reciprocate for you on your husbands’ office party night? Or perhaps there is one friend at the office who also has young kids, and you could have both of your families at one house or the other for one sitter? Then the four adults could go back to that house for a nightcap after the party and make things feel more social and less like an obligation?
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Comment by VG.
I say if you don’t want to go, then don’t go. I don’t even go to my own office parties. Especially when they pat the same people on the back year after year, so it gets old. And with mine, I was free, but my spouse would have to pay. LAME!
And also, my company is so P.C. that it’s called the End of the Year Celebration. Call it what it is, HOLIDAY PARTY! Stop walking on eggshells for pete’s sake!
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Comment by Angie Uncovered.
As a woman whose ex husband refused to attend functions with me, I can tell you that it hurts. It’s embarrassing to be the only married person who shows up alone year after year. Besides… how are you going to know what the new hot secretary looks like if you don’t go. I want to know who my man spends his day ogling. Maybe it’s just me?
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Comment by Lisa.
You want to reclaim some time for yourself? Skip your own work party or something else from your side.
Trying to say its for your family is BS. Your husband IS your family, too, and him going alone does nothing for family time.
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Comment by Marie.
I have a really good feeling that NONE of these are correct, but I don’t want to ruin it and I might just be an uninformed human. That said, here are my guesses:
Be-Clause I Said So
Chest-Nuts To You
Egg You on Nog
Stop Stocking Me
Naughty Is the New Nice
Keep Me On My Mistletoe
Shopping Frenzy
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Plano Mom Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 10:13 am
Love that answer!
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Carla Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Me too!
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Moira Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Me three!