22 Jul
Too bad Mr. Rogers died. He may have been the only neighbor we could trust

Dear TMH,

I did a terrible thing. I had an affair with a man who is my neighbor, my husband’s friend and my friend’s husband, all in one. Our spouses found out, but we convinced them nothing physical happened, even though it did.   My lover convinced his wife I stalked him, but we equally pursued each other. What’s worse is our children attend school and play sports together.

During my friendship with the wife, she told me of her affair with her kid’s coach, and while her husband knows about the affair, he doesn’t know she told me. My question is should I tell him she told me about her affair? Also, should I prove to her and my husband that we mutually pursued each other, or should I just leave it alone?

Sincerely,


Won’t you be my neighbor?

_______________________________________________________________

Dear Neighbor,

People wonder why I don’t watch shows like Desperate Housewives or The Real Housewives of (whatever) County. I get to read questions like this, who needs TV?

Before I advise you on your life questions, would you mind answering a question of mine: How do you have time for an extramarital affair while raising a family?

I frequently ponder this question, so I’m intensely curious exactly how you swing it. Not because I want to have an affair myself, but because I’d like to find time to change the litter box.

Between baseball practice (where the coach was, thankfully, unattractive), PTA meetings and laundry, it’s safe to say my dirty dishes are the ones having the most sex. I swear to God they reproduce during the night!   Besides, any sexual interest I have left by 8 p.m. is completely obliterated by Nick at Nite. (Or does Nick only do this to me?)

To answer your questions, yes, tell the husband that his wife told you of her affair with the coach. But only after I tell her you two did, in fact, have “sexual relations,” even though you said you didn’t. You don’t happen to have a dress with a stain I can use as evidence, do you?

And no, don’t leave the whole “mutual pursuit” business alone. Set the record straight on that. Because what’s at stake here? Your reputation for honesty, that’s what.

Sincerely,

Heather, TMH

Hey readers, especially those of you not having extramarital affairs! Do you have a new question for TMHs? Go ahead and ask it in the comments or press that rocking ASK button on the left. Anonymous questions are welcome as long as you aren’t banging your cousin’s wife and/or husband. Our infidelity advice quota has been met for the quarter (to sum up: don’t do it), but we’re open to talking about interspecies liaisons.

18 Responses to “Too bad Mr. Rogers died. He may have been the only neighbor we could trust”

07.22.09#1

Comment by Mary.

Yes, definitely clear up that little detail. That wouldn’t be stalkerish at all. Not at all.

07.22.09#2

Comment by Swistle.

OMG. This is so funny. So, so funny. I am wide-eyed with the funniness.

07.22.09#3

Comment by Inna.

I’m glad Swistle found it funny… cause I thought this was pretty funny too!
I don’t have kids (yet) and I don’t have time to have an affair either!

07.22.09#4

Comment by Jennifer.

I’m with you. Honestly, who has the time?

And why bother clearing up all the little details when you’re not willing to be honest about the big, major, physical one?

Dude, cheaters suck.

07.22.09#5

Comment by Finn.

Yes, by all means clear that up. Because we don’t want anyone thinking you’re a slut or anything.

07.22.09#6

Comment by The Laughing Idiot.

What does it matter that you know about the wife’s affair with the coach? I’m lost on that point.

I’d definitely clear up the stalker thing or move – your choice.

Good grief! How do you look each other in the eye?

07.22.09#7

Comment by Coco.

I think you should leave it alone. To “Set The Record Straight” is only going to bring up all the hurt and pain again. The old saying “Let sleeping dogs lie” is a good one to follow here.

07.22.09#8

Comment by Aludra.

“Good grief! How do you look each other in the eye?”

LOL that was the whole problem. They were most certainly not looking at each other’s eyes. If you catch my meaning. *wink*

Yeah I’d drop it if I were her. Any further discussion of the situation will make her look more like an obsessed stalker-slut. Moving seems like a good idea, too.
And she should come clean to the husband soon. He’s the only one who NEEDS to know that it was a mutual pursuit and that it WAS physical. For health reasons at least.

07.22.09#9

Comment by mountainmom.

glad I don’t live in that neighborhood.

07.22.09#10

Comment by Marinka, TMH.

I must congratulate this woman on her sexual economy. Usually, when you want to screw up a marriage, your friendship and your husband’s friendship, there’s a whole slew of people that you have to have sex with. Nicely done.

07.22.09#11

Comment by LISA5OF5.

I thought only men were this stupid about sex.

07.22.09#12

Comment by Wendi.

Man, my neighborhood is so boring. But this hot mess needs to be worked out with the help of some marriage counselors and possibly a couple of lawyers.

07.22.09#13

Comment by Jane.

Geeeez nice cover it up plan….
What are you 16??
It really surprises my how many women have affairs…. a few of my friends have.
I don’t understand ….. so disrespectful, you wouldn’t want it done to you.
What ever happened to love and cherish, till death do us part?

07.22.09#14

Comment by Lizzie.

Yeah I too want to know where all this “sexual free time” is coming from?!?!

07.23.09#15

Comment by Katie.

*snorts @ Markina’s response*

Thanks for making me choke on my cereal. 😛

I feel the worst for the forgotten ones. The kids. They didn’t ask for that kind of shit. They never do.

09.20.11#16

Comment by An Affair to Remember | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] marriage was in trouble and your extramarital affair didn’t seem to help matters.  Huh. […]

02.04.13#17

Comment by Texting with a Friend's Husband is Not So Smart | The Mouthy Housewives.

[…] get away with this crap, then there isn’t much hope for you. Man, it’s hard to have an affair these […]

10.28.13#18

Comment by annika.

this women tottaly messed up looser, pathetic woman, her husband should belong to me, her husband inappropriate with her. I should stole her husband

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